Part Twenty Four: Rain



Rahab awoke for the tenth time, and looked at the clock. Four a.m. on the dot... whatever sleep she did manage to fall into was awakened by Seth's polite but insistant call for attention. Usually he slept through most of the night, but tonight he had been restless. He seemed to be all right, he smiled at Rahab as he usually did, and wasn't running a temperature. She lay him in her lap and tickled him under his chin, and he smiled and burbled cheerfully to her. It seemed to be the only time the chronic knot of anxiety loosened and gave her relief. His little hand reached up and grasped one of her outstretched forefingers. His fingers were delicate compared to Devon's potato mashers, she thought, but Seth was better coordinated for his age. And not even Gaele's sweetness had quite the impact of Seth's. Seth... he now was lying still, staring up at Rahab with his pale-pinkish eyes, seeming to study her with the sober scrutiny of a... an eighteen week old scientist, she thought with amusement.

When he finally fell asleep, she knew she couldn't do the same, and got up and dressed. Six a.m., and still dark, the sky was heavy and overcast. She went out into the rear garden to sit quietly and gather her thoughts together. She couldn't quite call it meditating, because lately it seemed to bring up images of yogis in loincloths and dreadlocks on nail beds, their legs tied up in impossible knots. Yet she cherished these moments of peace and quiet, to sort out the complications that sometimes threatened to overwhelm her with despair.

Mike had seemed nervous around her, and after a particularly difficult afternoon yesterday, offered to take the kids with him so she could have some time to herself and concentrate on Seth's needs. It was chilly and damp, but still unusually warm for December, on the high desert. Blizzards were raging in the Northeast, and she pictured Raphael wading through the record snowdrifts... are you thinking of me, Raph? Her throat ached at the thought.

She shook herself mentally, and tried to concentrate on something else, or even to think of nothing, as Splinter used to instruct her to do, but when she realized she was practicing the very thing that Raphael had done just before he left her, she leapt up and paced around angrily.

"Damn them all..." she muttered aloud. The sound of her voice startled her, and she suddenly felt ashamed. She had no right to say that, even if nobody was around to hear. It was beginning to rain, and though it was morning, the light was fading as though it were dusk. A fresh breeze started up and she shivered, and went inside.

It was eerily quiet, except for the sound of the wind-driven rain against the windows, and she shivered again, this time for reasons other than the chill. As she got herself some hot tea from the kettle on the stove, she felt a wave of uneasiness wash over her, churning her stomach. She looked over her shoulder, and stared at the windows that faced the garden. She stood very still, but could hear nothing. She relaxed a little and sipped her tea, then the uneasiness began again. She went to Seth's room, and looked in, but he was sleeping peacefully as always, his little belly slowly rising and falling with his breathing. His left hand was cupped under his chin, as though he had fallen asleep in the middle of a profound thought. Rahab smiled at his cuteness.

She pulled the door nearly shut, so as not to make any noise, and padded back to the kitchen and her tea. She was raising the cup to take another sip, when the power went off. She froze, her heart pounding, then she got up and slowly went to the front living room, to peer out through the blinds. She could see little through the driving rain, but there were no vehicles seen, other than the dark hulk of the caretaker's pickup, parked in front of their cottage. There were no lights, not even a candle. They must not be up yet... she swallowed, and tried to get a look at the front steps to her own house, but the angle of the window wouldn't allow her to see more than the outer edge of it. A stronger gust of wind blew the rain against the window, and she drew back. She made her way through the semidarkness to the utility room, and opened the electrical boxes, trying to remember which one activated the generator. Drat this thing, why can't we have one that goes on automatically? She made a mental note to tell Don about it. Another gust of wind shook the house, as she grabbed a flashlight from its hook. A tapping sound startled her, and she nearly banged her head on the open hatch of the fuse box. Flipping the flashlight off, she slowly approached the front door, and waited. The tapping came again, as though someone was gently knocking on the door. She thought quickly. It couldn't be the caretaker, neither he or his wife used the front door, Mike wasn't one to tap on a door like that, besides, the kids would be well ahead of him, making a racket. Raphael would just let himself in. Don always called ahead... so it left only one possibility, other than a stranger... Rahab pressed her lips together, and grasped the doorhandle. With one hand, she unlocked the door and with the other, switched on the powerful flashlight, and pointed it through the doorway. The blue-white light fell fully on a familiar reptilian face, whose figure was wrapped in a dripping overcoat. The eyes narrowed to slits against the sudden glare.

"Hey," she gasped.

"Rahab?" A hand came up to shield the eyes.

"Leo..." she breathed. "What are YOU doing here?"

"I... I was just passing through, I wanted to see how Seth was doing. Is everything all right here?"

"Oh, sure! Uh, yeah... yes, everything's okay, it's just this storm, must have knocked the power out somewhere..." she stammered, feeling embarrassed when she remembered she was still shining the light in his face. She turned the flashlight down out of his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude."

"Oh, that's perfectly understandable. I'm sorry I startled you, but the doorbell wasn't working. Isn't anyone else here?"

"Huh?"

"Are you alone?"

"Oh... no. No, I'm not alone," she said quickly.

"Then where is everyone, still asleep?" The tone of his voice as he questioned her told Rahab she wasn't fooling him.

"Uh... yes, sleeping."

The wind blew rain through the open door, dampening the entryway carpet. "May I come in?"

"Sure." She stepped back and let him pass, and closed the door with some effort against the pressure of the gale. In the relative silence and darkness of the hallway, they stood a moment, as though to size each other up.

Leo reluctantly looked away from her, and toward the passage that led to the rest of the house. "Where is Raphael," he asked.

Rahab didn't answer. She looked away from him, suddenly feeling annoyed. Why, of all times, did he have to show up now?

"Rahab, " Leo said in a gentle but insistant voice. "Are you sure everything is all right?"

She folded her arms across her chest. "I told you, everything is FINE."

Leo said nothing, but she could sense his skepticism over her half-hearted reply.

"Everything is fine," she repeated firmly.

"Okay, everything is fine," he said at length. "And how is... Seth?" He said the name tentatively, as though he was unsure of her reaction.

"He's fine, he's asleep, in his bed. Taking his early morning nap." She laughed a little, in a weak attempt to hide her apprehension.

"May I have a look at him?"

"Uh..." she hesitated.

"If it is all right with you."

She shrugged. "Okay, sure. Whatever, after all, you're his father, why shouldn't you have a look at him, certainly can't do any harm, can it? I mean, it's only natural..." She realized she was beginning to babble, and stopped in mid sentence. She let the rest of her breath out, and stole a glance at him. In the outer glow of the flashlight, she could see the expression of concern on his face. "Yeah, I guess you aren't buying any of this, are you?" she said.

He continued his solemn gaze a moment longer, then averted his eyes. "Would you mind showing me the way?"

"Sure," Rahab said, and took a little leap in front of him to lead the way. She reached Seth's door, and pushed it open as quietly as she could. She pointed at the crib, and he approached on silent feet, and bent over a little to get a better look at the sleeping infant. He eventually straightened, and stood immobile, looking down at the crib for what seemed like an eternity to Rahab. Then he slowly turned, and came back out into the hallway. He headed to the main part of the house, and Rahab, after taking a peek at Seth to insure he was still asleep, followed.

She expected to find Leo in the atrium, which she knew was generally the place he liked to be the most, but he wasn't there. When the lights came on, she realized he'd gone in to turn the generator on.

"Thanks for doing that, though you didn't have to," Rahab said when he appeared. "I could have figured it out myself."

He shrugged. "I don't mind, Rahab."

She saw her tea cup, and remembered she hadn't finished it, and picked it up. "Would you like some tea, Leo?"

"Yes, if it isn't too much trouble, thank you."

She made him a cup, and brought it to where he was sitting on the couch, trying to block the sudden vision of her spilling the hot drink into his lap. He accepted it with a nod, and she retreated to the kitchen, where she could perch on a high stool and watch him.

He stared into space as he drank slowly, pausing between sips, until he was finished. He set the cup down noiselessly, and finally looked up at her, one eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Okay," she finally said. "You've seen Seth. Now what?"

"Are you in a hurry, Rahab?"

"Do I look like I'm in a hurry?"

"You sound like you are."

"So? What did you expect, a warm, fuzzy welcome?"

In answer, Leo gazed at her with his transparent little smile.

"What is that for?"

"I'm just a little surprised at your change in spirit."

His soft voice only irritated her further. "It took that long to gather my wits, from the surprise of the guts you have, coming around here." She realized belatedly how ridiculous that sounded.

"I am aware of the trouble it may cause," Leo said. "Although I didn't expect to even get this far into the house."

"Then WHY are you here," Rahab retorted, her resolve to keep cool dissipating under a rush of anger.

"I told you... I wanted to see Seth, and make sure you-"

"Make sure I what?" she shot back. "To make sure my life with Raphael was thoroughly screwed up? YOU-" She stood up and stalked a few trembling steps toward him. "You're nothing but a TROUBLEMAKER, you hide behind this- this veil of stupid, fake serenity, pretending to be like Master Splinter, but you're nothing but a big, swell-headed, self righteous, holy-joe JERKOFF!"

Leo gazed up at her in silence, his face showing no emotion, as he let her rage fly all around him, watching her with a cool detachment that caused Rahab's anger to dissipate into tears of frustration.

After a moment, she recovered enough to find her voice. "This is STUPID. Why am I even talking to you?"

"I don't know, Rahab. I can see you are angry and troubled, but that doesn't warrant a personal attack, does it? I don't appreciate the name calling," Leo said at length. "It doesn't get much done, other than wasting vast amounts of energy, of which, heaven knows, you need all you can get. We all do."

"We all do," Rahab said mockingly, her hackles rising at his calm, rational statement. "Only it seems you like to spend your energy screwing up peoples' lives."

"When people make the wrong choices, then things are bound to go wrong."

"Oh, yeah, and you definitely took the prize for that one! Going around, playacting as a friend and mentor, and then once you win their trust, go on in and make your hit! Go for it, whatever it takes, Mr. Big Shot, you gotta get what you want, no matter WHAT the cost." She put her hands on her hips. "Even at the cost of putting your so-called HONOR out like so much stupid, putrid FISH BAIT."

"Rahab..." Leo's voice was gentle, but his eyes were not.

Rahab could hardly look into those eyes, it brought back the memory of the terrible dreams... yet as she continued to stare, transfixed, a new thought jolted her. She was alone, with someone who could do anything he wanted with her and HAD done whatever he wanted with her, without anyone knowing, and without hindrance.

"Leo," she said when she regained control of her voice. "Forgive me, I spoke without thinking."

He seemed to have taken interest in the rain rivulets wending their way down the slanted glass skylight overhead.

"Please accept my apology." She sighed and leaned against a post. Leo's right, she thought, fits of rage do waste a lot of energy.

"I will accept your apology when you explain a few things, first," Leo finally said. "About why you are accusing me of all this... playacting."

Rahab rolled her head against the post to look at him. He still watched the rain on the glass, and she watched him. As she stared at his profile, she wondered what he'd look like if he were dead, and she brushed the thought aside with annoyance. After a moment, he turned and looked at her expectantly. She shrugged away from the post and, knuckles resting on hips, stood and continued to stare at him.

Leo laughed softly. "Ahh, I see where you're coming from. It wasn't you speaking at all, it isn't you who stands there now, with that familiar look of perpetual mistrust..." He gestured at her. "It is Raphael."

"Does he have a reason to trust you? Do I?" Rahab said tightly.

"First question first," Leo said. "Why should he not trust me, what have I done to harm him?"

"He said-" Rahab stopped and pressed her lips together. Too late, the expression of understanding on his face told her he had gotten his answer. She tried to school herself into a calm exterior as she silently berated herself, but the smile that formed on Leo's lips told her that he missed nothing.

"It's all right, Rahab. I'm not offended, or even surprised. Raphael and I have not been exactly close, though until a few months ago, we were getting along better than we ever had."

"And whose fault is that, Leo?" Rahab said, folding her arms.

Leo shrugged a little. "Mine." He ran a forefinger along his jaw thoughtfully. "Where IS Raphael?"

"He's gone on a trip," Rahab said, as she turned and picked up the teacups on the marble end table. As she visualized the cups smashing on the floor, she felt Leo's hand close on her wrist, gently enough, though she knew she could not break his grasp if she tried. She set the cups down.

"Where," she heard him ask.

She laughed nervously, knowing he was watching her face, and shrugged. "Well, you know, Raph isn't one to tell me what he's up to, is he? He goes off with Don, and comes back when he's ready. Whatever. It isn't my business to know when he goes and when he returns, is it? Am I his keeper?"

Leo didn't answer. He took her other hand in his.

"What do you WANT, Leo?"

"There's no need to be afraid of me, Rahab, I won't harm you."

"That's not what I was concerned about."

"I won't do anything you don't want me to do."

"Then let GO."

He released her hands reluctantly. More thoughts came to her. Look at your hands, Rahab. She raised her hands in front of her, and gazed at them. They didn't seem to be part of her, they seemed to belong to something else. A monster's hands. Enormous, lethal claws. Hideous.

She turned to Leo. "I know what it is, now. A dream. You are just a dream!" She suddenly lunged at him, to drive the flat of her palms into the center of his plastron, but somehow she missed. He grasped her wrists with one hand, and held her easily, in her half hearted struggle to free herself. He seemed to offer little resistance, but she could not manage to reach him with her claws.

"Let GO of me," she snarled. She eventually stopped and closed her eyes. "Let go..."

"I think you need some rest, Rahab," Leo said in her ear.

"No..." Rahab moaned, as Leo picked her up. "Don't TOUCH me!"

"It's all right, Rahab. I'm just going to put you to bed."

"NO!" Rahab writhed and squirmed, but Leo continued to carry her easily to her room. He lay her on her bed, and rolled the comforter over her. She clutched it to her chin, and glared up at him.

Leo gave her a sad smile. "Rahab, I'm not about to make the same mistake again. You have nothing to fear from me. Now go to sleep."

"I'll never sleep while you are around..." Rahab said slowly.

"When's the last time you really slept, Rahab?" she heard Leo speak through a blurred haze.

"Last night. Yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

"None of your business!"

She heard Leo laugh a little.

"Stop that!"

"Rahab, I'm going, now."

"Good. Have a nice...trip..."

Leo laughed again, softly. "Thanks, and the same to you."



When she awoke and looked around, she saw the house was dark. It was quiet, the wind had died down, and the rain had tapered off to a heavy mist. She got out of bed, and pulled on her robe, as she made her way down the hallway to Seth's room. She halted in the doorway, puzzled. The room seemed curiously still. She approached the crib, heart accelerating, and hardly dared to look. Empty.

She whirled and raced into the hallway, entering each room, frantically looking in the closets, under the covers, and under the beds. She charged out into the atrium, skidded across the kitchen floor, and through the utility room into the garage, and last of all, through the garden. Nothing. She barked her shins against a chaise lounge and nearly fell, as she stumbled her way back into the house on jello legs legs, her thoughts racing, her breathing coming in ragged gasps. No good, she thought, Seth is gone... Seth is gone.

Next section... Rahab 25

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