Seth

Part 3 Abstinance

"Where do you sleep, Leo?" Seth asked later that same evening.
"Assuming I sleep at all, here, by the hearth."
"I have your bed, I take it?"
"Yes, you have taken my bed," Leo said. "But I have gladly given it to you, it is far too comfortable for me, and I sleep too long as it is."
"You, sleep too long? Aside from the occasional cat nap, I don't see you sleep at all," Seth declared.
"I hate sleeping," Leo muttered. "That is when I lose control of everything."
Seth lowered an eyebrow in puzzlement. "Lose control of what?"
Leo made a face, as though he suddenly smelled something bad. "Things happen that I don't want happening."
"What, do you lose control of your bodily functions or something?"
"Seth..."
"Sorry, you don't have to answer."
"No, it isn't that. I thought you were poking fun at me."
Seth gave his father a sympathetic grin. "I'd only do it if you didn't mind being poked fun at."
"And how would you know if I minded or not?"
"You'd tell me, that's all."
"Okay," Leo said, smiling a little as he prodded a log into a better position in the hearth. "I'll do that." He hummed tunelessly for a while, then frowned, as though remembering something. "It's not that I lose control of my bodily functions, Seth. It's not really that, though... it is in a way."
"What do you mean,'in a way'? You either do or you don't-" Seth said, then a thought struck him. "Oh, wait a second... I think I get it... It's uh, something to do with a certain kind of dream, isn't it?"
Leo gazed at him, his mouth twisted in a little smirk. "You're right, you know... I really am a flaming hypocrite. Not that I want to be, but I tend to let on differently from what I'm thinking."
"You aren't kidding," Seth said, tossing his head in agreement. "Even I, a mere child, can pick up on that."
"Child you may be, mere, you are not," Leo said, scratching at the side of his plastron as he stretched a little.
"But, you are being a little too vague. You see, I think I know what you are talking about, and I also think YOU think I know, but I'm not really sure. Kind of the same thing Mother and I went through... about you."
"Then, maybe you should tell me what you are thinking, and I'll confirm it to be so." Leo leaned back, making a peak of his four fingers, like a psychiatrist listening to his patient.
"Why don't you tell me, and I'LL confirm it."
"What are you afraid of, Seth?" Leo asked, shifting forward to peer at him. "Why can't YOU come out and say what you are thinking?"
Seth didn't answer, as he fought the urge to squirm under Leo's steady gaze.
Finally, Leo leaned back and relaxed again. "Okay," he sighed. 'I'll play, considering I'm the one who is the least naiive of the two of us, though not by much, I'm sure." He gave Seth a knowing wink, before continuing. " I know how it is. You're a young, healthy male, full of life, restless, hormones raging... if you are busy, everything's under control. The more physical the activity, the more training and self denial, the better you can control yourself. Right?" Without waiting for a reply, he went on. "Wrong. Self denial doesn't work, working out doesn't work, what works? Total abstinence? It doesn't work... at least not for me, anymore."
Seth listened quietly, but the last four words hit hard. "Is that why you ran away to live out here?"
"That's but a small part of it," he said, and sighed. "But I can't do anything about the dreams. They follow me wherever I go."
"What sort of dreams?" Seth asked.
"What kind of dreams do you think they are?"
"Jeez, talk about verbal gridlock! All right, now it's my turn to back up first... I have dreams that are, uhm, pretty stimulating. You know, about girls and stuff."
"And stuff?" Leo said, eyes widening a little.
"Yeah, you know." Seth finished his sentence with a shrug.
"Come on, Seth, tell me. Your pastor isn't going to hear you."
"What pastor? We don't have a-"
"Whatever." Leo impatiently waved Seth's rebuttal aside. "What about the girls?"
"Okay, okay! but you'd better come clean for me in return."
"I will." Leo held up a hand in a mock pledge. "What happens in your dreams?"
"Well, occasionally I dream I'm in bed with some girls."
"SOME girls? You mean more than one?" Leo's brows shot up, his mouth opening in a delighted grin.
"Hey, I can't help it if I dream stuff like that! It just happens, that's all," Seth snapped, bristling.
"I know that," Leo said in a soothing voice. "But tell me... what do you actually do?"
Seth felt the heat rush to his face, as he nervously glanced at Leo. "It's not what I do, it's what they do... to me."
"And what do they do to you?"
"What do YOU think they do?"
"There's no need to be coy, Seth. I won't tell anyone you have wet dreams."
"Don't make fun of me," Seth muttered, glaring suspiciously at Leo's neutral expression.
"All right, I won't. But I can see you are not comfortable with the subject."
They sat in silence, eyeing each other, until Leo inhaled audibly, and took a drink from his bowl.
"So, why did you bring it up? What's YOUR story?" Seth asked at length.
"Mine?" Leo gave him a noncommittal shrug. "I can say the same, I guess."
"Nope, sorry. You're going to have to be more specific than that."
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because I'm your son, that's why. How else am I going to know more about myself if I don't know much about you?"
"Good answer," Leo said mildly. "Only... I don't think you would like to hear about it."
"How do you know I wouldn't," Seth asked, folding his arms.
"Because it might involve your mother."
"Oh." Seth sat still a moment as he took in what Leo said. "You mean, you have dreams about her, huh?"
Leo nodded, and picked up the stick to prod at the log some more.
"Like the same dreams I had, eh?"
"Maybe," Leo said calmly to the fire.
"Oh."
Leo laid down the stick, and they both watched the flames spit and crackle at the bark on the log.
"Maybe you still have feelings for her then," Seth heard himself say.
"Only physical ones, Seth."
"Are you sure?"
Leo turned his head to look directly at Seth. "What do you want with me? It doesn't matter how I feel about her. I cannot have her, she belongs to someone else, and I'm surprised that YOU would press the issue at all."
"I'm not pressing the issue. I just want to know, that's all."
"What difference does it make? At least you know who YOUR mother is. MY mother wouldn't know me if I fell into her pond. Providing she is still alive, there'd be no love lost between us. Turtles don't care about their young. Besides, that's really not what my dreams are about." Leo got up and stalked over to his gear at the door. "Time to go do the chores," he muttered half to himself, as he pulled on a boot.
Seth got up and reluctantly followed, knowing Leo was going to make him rake a lot more than necessary, as Leo obviously was sinking into one of his low moods.

On the third or fourth evening of Leo's near silence, Seth was sitting at the hearth as usual, sipping at his lukewarm tea, and wondering if he was going to die of boredom long before he did of starvation, when he sensed someone behind him. He spun around to see Leo standing a few feet away, looking ghostlike in his white robe with the hood up.
"Pitiful," Leo said, low. "You let me approach too close. Have you not had ANY decent training at all?"
"I've had some," Seth said, feeling his heart thud against his breastbone. "But I just didn't feel like picking up on it much."
Leo grunted a derisive reply, and poured himself tea. He sipped noiselessly as he squatted on his heels, and scanned the room momentarily before settling into a more comfortable position.
"What's eating YOU, tonight?" Seth looked over his own shoulder.
"Eating me?" Leo peered from under his cowl with eyes that resembled that of some predatory jungle cat.
"Yeah, is there anything wrong? You seem wound up about something."
"Everything is fine, Seth," he answered softly. "It's... business as usual."
Seth watched him a moment, and seeing Leo was watching him in return, pretended to go back to reading his Bible. After a few moments, he looked up again, only to see those odd, pale eyes still on him.
"Uh. Leo," Seth finally said. "I don't mean to be rude, but could you stop staring at me like that? It gives me the creeps."
"Hmn?" Leo seemed to shake himself, and blinked.
"You could've used a Polaroid, and saved your eyes the trouble."
Leo sighed and pushed back the cowl, and pressed the heels of his hands against his brows. "Sorry... tired, must have fallen asleep with my eyes open."
"I didn't think that was possible," Seth muttered, trying to concentrate on the passage he was on.
"You'd be surprised at what is possible when it's absolutely necessary," Leo said softly.
"So what are you spooked about," Seth asked, frowning.
"Nothing."
"Well, something has gotten into you."
Leo closed his eyes tight, and then opened them, blinking. "Just... memories. Nothing more."
"Like what you showed me the other day?"
"What did I show you?" Leo looked confused, then his face cleared a little. "You mean, the turtle on a stick drawing. Oh, that. Hm, actually, it was other things."
"Mother?" Seth asked tentatively.
Leo looked sadly at Seth. "There was something about her... when I was feeling so bad, right after your birth, that, through her anger and hatred for what I had done, I still sensed her concern for me. I think she loved me through you, but not without you. While you gave her inner peace, she, in turn, sent it on to me."
"Hey..." Seth got up on his knees. "How did you know, did Mother tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"About what I used to do for her when I was a baby. She said I had this thing, where she could feel my presence in her head, like mental incense, it seemed to calm her down, no matter what was happening."
Leo smiled his transparent little smile. "Yes, that was you, wasn't it. Mental incense... I like that. And in the same way, you spoke to me, as well."
"Really? When did I do that?"
"Before you were born. You already knew when we would meet, and you told me, in the best way your yet undeveloped little mind could, of mountains, snow, the smell of goats... that it's right here, right..."
NOW.
The last word seemed to drop into Seth's head, like a lead pellet into a pool. He leaped up, nearly knocking his Bible into the hearth, and stumbled backward. It was as though he was having some massive deja vu, remembering it all in a cycle, over and over again, as though time had suddenly slammed on its brakes. Raw panic blossomed in his brain, weakening his limbs, as he saw the fire grow brighter and brighter, filling the room with blinding white light. It's the end of the world, it's the Second Coming, that's it! And he hadn't finished his work here on earth yet, no, God please, not yet, not yet! Please, please... please wait... WAIT, I'm not READY!
"Not ready..." Seth was squatting in a fetal position against the wall of the room, when he came to his senses. Leo was leaning over him, firm hands on Seth's upper arms to steady him, and then a bowl of tea was pressed to his lips. He took a sip, but it was bitter. He pushed the bowl away. "Stop, I'm all right," he heard his voice echo in the room. "I'm okay."
"I'm beginning to wonder whose mind is going to go first, yours or mine," Leo said quietly in his ear.
"I SAID I'm okay," Seth retorted, shrugging him off.
Leo pressed the bowl into Seth's hands, and sat at the opposite end of the hearth to watch him.
"What? You want an explanation? I don't know if I-"
"No," Leo said. "I just want you to drink the tea."

Seth04
Seth's Page