Part Twelve: War



Time is a rubber band, Rahab thought as she sat quietly on a mat opposite Splinter's bed. When you are having a good time and you don't want it to end, the hours seem to fly. When you are waiting for something to happen, waiting, waiting, waiting, the hours seem to stretch on into infinity...

It was the third morning since Raphael and his brothers had left, and still no word from them. She had fretted and fussed, but Splinter had told her not to worry about something over which she had no power. He was right, of course. It seemed he was always right. The more she learned ABOUT him, the more she wanted to learn FROM him.

Gaele was being watched by Mai, a young woman who had been hired by Mike before he left, to help Rahab out. Decent of him, Rahab thought. Of course he didn't expect me to watch her and go to lessons at the same time... and I wonder what HE's up to? Rahab opened her eyes to peek at Splinter, who looked asleep.

"Is the hour finished so soon," he asked quietly without opening his eyes.

Rahab sighed heavily. "I can't get into it today, Sensei. My mind is too full to empty out easily."

"When is one's mind not full," Splinter said, opening his eyes.

"When one can speak her mind."

Splinter made a thoughtful noise between his teeth. "You are clever, my daughter. Very well, speak your mind, that I may have it back again."

"I know I can't do anything about Raph being gone. I know worrying about it will only make my spirit weary. You said not to project so much energy into expecting the worst, but I just have this terrible, nagging feeling..."

"Did I say that?" Splinter cocked his head curiously at her.

"Uh... well, you said not to worry about things until they happen. Let each day have its own troubles," she said quickly.

"Oh. Good." He looked relieved.

"I've been wanting to bring this up... but I have been putting it off. It's Mike. I just- I don't know what to do with him! He wants to be with Gaele, I can tell he adores her-"

"Just a moment, Rahab," Splinter said abruptly. "Before you say any more, I want you to tell me what you said again."

"I wanted- I didn't want to put this off any longer. I don't know what to do about Mike..."

Splinter stopped her again. "Repeat that last sentence. Tell it to me once again, and slowly."

Rahab sighed. "I... don't... know what to do about... Mike."

Splinter squinted at her. "You don't?"

Rahab thought hard. Obviously Splinter was pointing something out to her, but it was up to her to find out. "I don't understand, I'm confused-"

"ARE you?"

His pointed question startled her. What was he trying to say? What was she supposed to know? This was Mike's foster father, after all... maybe he didn't want to hear of her delimma.

"I'm sorry, sensei," she said,and shrugged half heartedly. "Could you help me on this one?"

Splinter sighed, and then smiled. "My daughter, surely you know the importance of honesty."

"Of course."

"Then you must be honest with yourself. Answer this, not to me, but to yourself. 'What will I do about Mike?' You alone know what you want."

"Okay," she said softly. "I get it. Yeah, I know what I want. I just don't know if it is a good thing to want, how much it is going to hurt anyone else."

"Then your concern is not about how you will feel, but how others feel?"

"Yes. How Mike will feel, how Gaele will feel, and... everybody else."

"Aah. That makes sense," Splinter said, nodding. "This brings back the issue of control. What did I tell you about control?"

Rahab stared at the cieling a second. "I can only control what is inside of me, not what is inside of others."

"You have the idea," he said brightly.

"You know what I want, don't you?" Rahab said.

"Perhaps. It has been apparent to many. What you were not willing to say clearly, others have read it in more subtle ways."

"Others... like Mike."

Splinter nodded sadly.

"That's the problem. I suppose I should sit down with Mike and have a talk with him, but everytime I do... he gets- I don't know- wierd."

Splinter said nothing.

"I don't know how he will handle it... he'll just get-" She felt that familiar tightness in her throat.

Splinter said nothing.

" I just WANT him OUT of my LIFE," she burst out, and covered her face with her hands to muffle her sobs. When her outburst subsided, she stole a look at him. Splinter was watching her without any noticable reaction.

When she didn't say anything, he spoke. "Now you have made it clear what it is you want to do about Mike."

"What's that?"

"You are the one who knows," he said.

"No, I don't know," she wailed. "I could go up to him and tell him to get lost, and he'll just laugh in my face!"

Splinter nodded. "Perhaps, perhaps not. What is important is communicating to him clearly what it is you want."

"Oh, sure. And then I face the consequences."

"Yes. You will face the consequences. It is better to face your adversary in the open than in the shadows of deceit."

"Yeah, and save getting an ulcer," she said, sighing gustily. "I see your point. Mike and I have been tiptoeing around, holding in our resentments, and now they are coming out in ways that are not good for anyone, especially Gaele. She's old enough to figure things out."

"She is a very intelligent and sensitive child," Splinter agreed. "Perhaps she is the one who sees it more clearly than anyone."



A noise in the courtyard woke her. She was back again in Mojave... Mike and Raph are arguing again, she thought sleepily. She turned over and almost fell back into slumber when she heard more shouts, that sounded...just like...

Mike? Her eyes flew open, and she leaped out of bed, pulling on her outer robe. When she found her bearings, she made her way through the hallways, following the sounds that echoed down. There were people milling around the infirmary.

"Jheezus, get the hell OFFA me, I'm all right! LEGGO!" It was definitely Mike.

Someone spoke to him in a calm, but firm voice. There was the clatter of something falling to the floor.

Rahab pushed her way past a politely protesting monk, and saw the heels of Mike's feet digging into the mattress as he kicked a blood spattered sheet onto the floor. "Oh my god..." She pushed further into the room. "Mike are you-"

Several monks were holding Mike down, as they sought to clean him up. His face was unrecognisable, she caught a glimpse of snarling, bloody teeth, as he fought for breath. "Get her outa here, willya! GET HER OUT!!"

"MIKE!!" Firm hands closed on her arms, pulling her back from the bed.

"GET... OUT!" His voice cracked from the strain. His bloodstreaked hands frantically clutched at the nearest monk's garment, as he writhed on the bed.

Rahab was escorted quickly out of the infirmary, and back to her room. She was too weak from grief to resist. She sat numbly on the bed, unable to cry, or think, until she counted her breaths, and her mind relaxed, and she stopped trembling. Stay calm, she told herself. Apply what you've learned. She lay back on the bed and practiced her relaxation exercises. It had become quiet again. She looked over at Gaele, who was fast asleep in her little bed. Gaele, who can sleep through anything... Rahab was thankful that Gaele had not seen Mike. He looked so terrible... she shuddered at the memory. How bad was he? A knot of guilt clutched at her. She had been hoping he'd fall off the planet, but... not like that.



In the morning Leo was there. He had gone in to speak with Splinter, and nearly collided with Rahab as he was leaving the anteroom. She grabbed him. "Where's Raphael?"

"He is all right, Rahab. He will be home presently."

"Raph's not hurt, is he? What happened to Mike? Is he going to be-"

"Rahab," Leo said in a voice that quieted her. "Please."

Rahab closed her eyes. "Leo, I'm sorry." She opened them again, and saw Leo was sitting on the bench, head back against the wall. "You look exhausted. I take it you want your bed back?"

He raised his head and stared at her soberly. "No. This... thing is not yet over."

"You mean to say you're going back?"

"Yes. I was only here to bring Mike in."

She fidgeted with the ties of her robe. "And?"

"He's going to be fine." Leo got up and flexed his shoulders. He tightened the cinch on the thick leather belt he wore, and picked up some other leather straps that were coiled on the floor at his feet. He walked out into the main passageway, where a young man in dark grey held a pair of sheathed swords reverently out to him. The man had his own sword hanging across his back. His eyes stayed only on Leo, who nodded to him. The grey man bowed low, and left. Leo turned to look at Rahab as he carefully positioned the swords behind him. "Splinter told me you are an excellent student."

She shrugged off his compliment, distracted by the twin sword hilts behind his left shoulder. The leather handles were stained black... the look in his pale eyes told her he had not missed her scrutiny.

After an uncomfortable silence, he nudged her under the chin with his forefinger. "Keep that up," he said amiably, as he turned away toward the outer door.



A couple of more days dragged by, and Rahab did her utmost to keep herself occupied with Gaele's activities and her lessons with master Splinter. She heard no word on Mike's condition, until one morning, a monk came in to see Splinter after waiting patiently outside the bead curtain for the meditation exercise to finish. The monk bowed with great reverence, and after a whispered conversation, Splinter beckoned Rahab to his side.

"Michaelangelo has asked to see you, my daughter."

"You mean, he wants to see Gaele."

Splinter hissed in mild annoyance. "Do not put meanings where there are none, Rahab. Do you wish to go?"

She nodded, and Splinter dismissed her. Feeling her stomach turn over, she followed the monk's silent feet down stretches of hallways to the infirmary. She was led to a room, and she timidly looked in. Mike looked asleep, though it was difficult to tell, because most of his face was covered in a bandage. The rest of him was neatly draped in a grey quilt.

She carefully sat on the bench against the wall, and stared at him.

Eventually he stirred and squinted at her with his good eye. "How y' doin?"

"I'm uh, fine," she said softly. "And... you?"

Mike tried to grin, but the bandage and swelling suppressed it to a mild grimace. "Funny you should ask that," he said, his words barely intelligable. "Not bad, considering."

Rahab swallowed and nodded.

"How'z the baby?" he asked.

"She's fine. She's... been wondering where you went, driving me crazy, things like that." She tried to laugh, but the tears came instead. She quickly controlled them, and wiped them away hurriedly.

Mike closed his good eye a moment as if to gather strength, then looked at her again. "I really screwed up." His mouth twitched. "Wasn't doing it, lost my nerve, or somethin'." He paused to breathe. "You don't wanna hear this, do you?"

"I don't mind, Mike. You can talk if you want."

Mike tried to grin again, but winced. "Aoh, face hurts."

"I'd hate to tell you what it's doing to me." Rahab said, smiling tentatively.

"Ho, a joke. Do me a favor, don't patronise me, huh?"

She shrugged. "Okay."

His eye opened a little wider as he looked her over. "Won't be long before you'll be pushin' that ol' watermelon."

"What?"

"Forget it. That was a bad 'un," he said, attempting a weak laugh. "Couldn't resist."

"Mike, what did you want to see me about?"

He was silent a moment, his eye closed. "Just, uh..." he said at length, "Just wanted to see you, that's all."

"Do you want to see Gaele? I can go-"

"NO," he whispered sharply. "No, I don't want her to see me like this. You know how she gets. She'll be asking me why I have this, and why I have that... why I can't get up..."

"Can't you?"

"Yeaah, not right now, but eventually."

"Mike, what happened to you- out there?"

He sighed. "It was stupid. I dunno what I was thinkin' of, but uh, I got hit by something... maybe a flyin' lawn mower..." He drew a hand out from under the covers to feel the bandages on his face. "Lucky it didn't take my head off... maybe got part of it, tho... guess the rest of me's still here."

"Wait a minute, Mike. Back up a bit. You said you didn't know what you were thinking of?"

He moaned. "A couple of days with Splinter and you're playin' scout master already, huh?"

Rahab drew herself up in mock annoyance. "You said you didn't know what you were thinking of," she repeated with more emphasis.

Mike sighed. "Okay, I'll play along. Yes, I DID know what I was thinking of. I was thinking of Gaele..." His expression sobered. "No... no... I was... thinking of you."

"Why?"

"Why? You know why," he sputtered in irritation.

"No, I don't!"

"Come on, Rahab, cut the pretense. It's about time we both did, huh? It's about time we both had a reality check, and grew up. "

Rahab smiled grimly. "Thank you, Mike, you beat me to it. I would have brought it up myself, but I would have waited until you were feeling better..."

"Yeah, when will that be," he muttered.

"What's that?"

"When will I be feeling better? Very good question." His head pressed deeper into the pillows. "I can't remember the last time I really felt all that good."

Rahab said nothing.

"Yes I can. Other than getting a peek at Nirvana when Gaele was born, it was when I first met you." He slowly let the rest of his breath out. "I can remember that SO well... back when we... liked each other. We got along, had us some fun..."

"Yeah, it was fun for all of three days, Mike."

Mike ran his tongue under his swollen lip. "Yeah, those three, itsy-bitsy little days... just before you started giving me the cold ham sandwich. But what an amazing transformation you went through when Raph hove himself into your rear view mirror, uh? My, my, my... it was as though Cinderella had met her prince, and they went off together on his white charger, to HAPPILY ever after..."

"Well, I guess this visit's over," Rahab said suddenly. "I thought you were interested in talking things out, but I can see you are just up to your old head games again." She got up to leave, but the look on Mike's face made her hesitate.

"No... no more head games, Rahab," he said tonelessly. "I don't want to play them anymore. They... almost cost me my life. It's time I let go of them... and... it's time I let go of you."

Rahab sank back onto the bench. "Are you serious? But- what about Gaele?"

"She'll just have to get used to not having me around, that's all."

"Oh, Mike," Rahab said helplessly. "Just like that?"

"That's the way it's gonna go," he said at length. "It's just a matter of accepting it. Won't be easy, but... it's better in the long run. It's uh, not good for Gaele to see us at each other's throats, huh?"

Rahab couldn't answer. Opposing thoughts flitted through her head. Relief, disbelief, apprehension... Life would be easier for her, but what about Gaele?

"Y'know," Mike went on, "Splinter actually tried to talk me out of going out there. So did Leo. They knew better than I did, about what kind of shape my mind was in. I couldn't concentrate, kept making bad mistakes in sparring practice, but I was determined to go. Had to prove to myself I still had it, could still do it. Now I KNOW I can't. Lost my nerve, that's all. I'm gonna have to retire."

Rahab looked up at him sharply. "What do you mean, retire?"

Mike closed his eye. "Can't talk anymore, Rahab. Hurts to talk. Hurts my face... hurts my heart." He sighed, and said nothing more.

After a few minutes, she quietly left the room. Her mind was buzzing like a jar of flies. Retire? From what? The flies faded when she saw Don standing in the hallway, one eyebrow raised in mild surprise at seeing her come out of Mike's room.

"Hi," she said, her voice lost at seeing him there so unexpectedly.

He gave her a polite little smile, and craned his head to look through the doorway. Apparently Mike was asleep, or pretending to be, because Don withdrew.

"Where is Raphael," she asked, anxiously pulling at the sleeve of his ubiquitous long coat.

He looked with alarm at his sleeve, then at her. "He's fine, Rahab. You'll see him when he's ready."

"Ready?" Rahab followed Don, trotting now to keep up with him, when they reached the outside. "Ready for what?" When he didn't respond, she grabbed his arm. "What's with all the secrecy? Isn't this mess over with yet?"

He halted when she grabbed him, his eyes indignant as he carefully shook her off. "Listen," he said with the deliberation of a preschool teacher. "Raphael is fine. Everything is FINE."

Rahab bristled. "I'm not a fool, Donatello. Everything is NOT fine, and I'd appreciate it if you could tell the difference between who you are talking to, I'm not Gaele, for heaven's sake!"

Don cocked his head slightly at her. "I know. It's quite obvious. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to get some rest." He turned away and started up the path to his house.

"Don't turn your back on me," Rahab said quietly. Four days ago she would have shouted, but now she knew better. "I know you are tired, Don. So am I. It hasn't been easy for me, either. I haven't been out filleting people, but that doesn't mean I haven't been involved in a battle."

Don turned to face her fully. After a moment of thoughtful silence, he smiled wearily. "So I see. Forgive me, Rahab, my mind is in a fog. Perhaps it would be a good idea if you and I got together when I am feeling a bit more refreshed. I am interested in knowing how it went with Splinter."

She smiled back. "Of course. Sounds like a plan. I'd be happy to tell you what I am, uhm, willing to reveal."

"Of course." He nodded politely to her, and continued up the path.

Rahab went to her room, to find Leo there. "You're back now, I take it?"

"Yes," Leo said. "We're all back. Mai just left with Gaele to go to your house. I believe Raphael is already there..."

He had scarcely finished speaking, when she spun and ran the whole way home.

Next section... Rahab 13

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