Part Thirty Three: Forum



In Splinter's presence, Raphael was unusually subdued, more so than Rahab had ever seen him. Splinter had been speaking to him in Japanese, and Rahab hoped he would switch to English, soon. She watched Raphael for any outward signs of what he was thinking, but he didn't show any. He didn't even appear to be listening. He seemed more interested in looking at his fingernails than anything else, at the moment.

"Forgive me, Rahab," Splinter suddenly said. "My memory does not serve, I was not sure if I had taught Raphael sufficiently. Perhaps he was not there, when I was speaking of this to the others, about the eh, level of importance my pupils are to me? Perhaps... Leonardo has forgotten as well?"

Leo looked up, and then nodded a little. "I admit I had forgotten, Sensei."

"And what do you believe it is you have forgotten?" Splinter asked.

"We work... as a team, and each of us is equal in importance."

Raphael audibly exhaled.

After a pause, Splinter spoke. "Have you not anything to add to this comment, Raphael?"

Raphael glanced up at Splinter, then shook his head.

Splinter said something to a monk sitting quietly to one side, who promptly rose and passed him an object neatly wrapped in a cloth. Splinter carefully untied the knot, and uncovered what was inside. Rahab swallowed when she recognized the gun. Splinter held it up at eye level, by the tip of the barrel in one hand and the end of the handle in the other, so that it hung upside down, for a long moment.

"Does this gun belong to you, Raphael?"

"Yes, Sensei," Raphael said impassively.

"How long have you owned this?"

"A while."

Splinter looked up at him. "A while?"

"A couple of years, or so."

"Have you used it often?"

"Yes, Sensei."

Splinter ran a forefinger along the gun's barrel. "It does not look as though it works very well."

"Then I guess I screwed it up," Raphael said, calmly looking at Splinter.

"How did you do that?"

"I threw it, Sensei."

"I see," Splinter said softly, ignoring Raphael's progressively sharp responses. "Did you pay any money for this?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"How much did you pay?"

"I payed plenty for it, Sensei. It's top of the line hardware."

"How much did you pay?"

"Eight thousand bucks," Raphael said defensively.

Rahab's mouth opened in surprise. She never knew guns could cost that much.

"That is a lot of money, no?" Splinter said, picking up the gun again to inspect it more closely.

"Maybe. I saved ALL my pennies for it, Sensei."

Splinter set the gun down, and finally squinted at Raphael's sarcasm. "Then why throw away such a valuable weapon?"

Raphael didn't answer, his mouth went taught with suppressed emotion as he stared at Splinter.

"It seems like a terrible waste," Splinter went on.

Raphael lowered his head. "Yeah, it is a waste, isn't it? I even had the handle custom made..."

"A weapon is not wasted, my son, if you threw it perhaps... to protect yourself?"

"Yeah, well I misused it, Sensei. I freely admit that I misused the damn thing, and now it's no good for anything but cracking open Brazil nuts. Okay?"

Rahab looked at Leo, whose face was expressionless as he watched Raphael.

"Then... do you plan to buy another?"

Splinter's question seemed to confuse Raphael for a moment. "I dunno... maybe I will, maybe I won't."

"DO you plan to buy another, Raphael?"

Raphael looked sharply at Splinter. "Yeah, I PLAN on it," he snapped. "Why do you wanta know so bad, do I need your approval?"

Leo leaped to his feet. "Don't talk to Splinter in that tone of voice, Raphael."

Raphael's knifelike gaze turned to Leo. "You gotta problem with that, Leo?"

"I have a problem with your LACK of respect-"

"Leonardo." Splinter had not raised his voice, but it was as though he had shouted. "Sit down and be silent, please, until I finish speaking with Raphael. He has the right to speak for himself, as do I."

Leo settled back on his cushion without protest, and resumed his calm exterior, but Rahab could detect his suppressed agitation.

"Raphael, your choice of weapons is not my concern. In fact, this gun is of little importance. It is you that is important. I sense you are in great distress-"

"Hey, that's news to me," Raphael retorted.

Splinter waited until Raphael was silent, and went on, as though nothing had happened. "I sense great distress, and imbalance, Raphael, and I can hear your unspoken request for help."

"That's right, Splinter. My silent cry for help." Raphael pressed his lips together as though to hold something in.

Leo was looking at Splinter intently, until Splinter nodded to him.

"Sensei, " he said, standing again. "Raphael is well capable of asking for help. But he has acted out in his anger in ways that are hazardous to those around him. There is no excuse for his behavior toward Rahab, Seth, or Thomas, or in his manner of addressing you."

Raphael's taut smile curled back in a sneer. "There was no excuse for YOU screwing around with my wife, WAS there, Leo?"

Leo lowered his head as he gazed at Raphael. "No, I admit there wasn't," he said at length.

Raphael seemed to flatten out as he rose, like a cobra's threatening display. His eyes were riveted on Leo as he spoke to Splinter. "Sensei, you know what Leo has done, don't you? He's admitted it in front of everybody! But what have YOU done about it? Am I the only one who has to pay for my mistakes, and the Prima Donna here exempt from whatever part of the code suits HIM?"

Splinter thoughtfully pulled at his goatee, but did not answer.

"Maybe you conveniently forgot what the code says, huh, Leo?" Raphael's voice seemed to cut through the room like a razor.

"I am familiar with the code, Raphael." Leo evenly replied.

"Good! Then maybe it's time to get familiar with your Last Will and Testament."

Leo smiled. "That won't be necessary, since I will forfeit the match to you."

"You won't fight me?"

"No." Leo took advantage of the pause to settle himself on his cushion.

Raphael was now looking at Splinter. "You gonna say ANYTHING about this, Sensei?"

Splinter did not respond.

"Fighting me is not the solution to your troubles, Raphael." Leo said.

Raphael ignored him. He was still staring at Splinter, waiting for a response. But as the minutes passed, Raphael seemed to wilt, until he sank into a kneeling position on his cushion. His eyes roved the room, and narrowed at the neat row of monks sitting to one side. "Are you guys supposed to be the jury, or what?" When there was no response, Raphael grinned knowingly. "Now I see what kinda justice is happening here," he muttered, clenching his fists so that the knuckles crackled.

"Raph," Leo said quietly. "Any part of the code of honor that deals with death as punishment... you know that CANNOT apply to us. Otherwise, we would all be dead. There were parts of the ancient law that we agreed were not good for us, remember? We have our OWN set of laws, not the laws that apply to humans living in a social system that has developed over many generations-"

"That's well and good for you, because YOU would most definitely DIE," Raphael shot back. "And I would have had every right to see to it that you were dropped into a deep pit and left there until you ROT."

Leo raised his head, and looked levelly at Raphael. "I wronged you, Raphael. I know it, everyone knows it. I never tried to get out of any kind of punishment, I took what I was given and I know I deserved it. In fact, I felt so ashamed of what I had done, that in a moment of selfish anguish, I asked Splinter if he would give me permission to commit seppuku, but of course, he refused."

Rahab's throat constricted in a nearly unbearable knot as she listened to Leo's quiet, steady voice, and watched Raphael's dark expression change to confusion.

"You're not just dissin' my head, are ya..." Raphael said, low, as he fingered the bandage on his throat.

"You mean, LIE to you? In front of our honorable master and these devoted men? In front of Rahab, the mother of our children? Surely someone would speak up if I were. But you know me better than that. I don't make a habit of lying to anyone. It's bad for the... karma..."

Leo's monologue was interrupted when Rahab, who could no longer keep herself in check, burst into tears. She covered her eyes with her hands to block out the faces who were turning to look at her.

"This is too much for her," she heard someone say.

"It is not," she retorted, as she wiped her eyes angrily. She looked around to see who it was who spoke, but couldn't tell who it was.

"Rahab, is there something you would like to say," Splinter asked gently.

She sniffed back the tears. "Isn't Leo still speaking?"

"No, I was finished, Rahab, I have nothing more to say at the moment," Leo said gently.

"Rahab, this meeting is an opportunity to heal the wounds caused between members of the clan. You are also a member, and you have the right to speak your mind in front of them," Splinter said, gesturing to the group with a birdlike hand.

"To speak my mind..." Rahab muttered, half to herself. She took a couple of deep, slow breaths, to steady her voice. "I can't help but think that somehow this whole mess is my fault. In spite of the evidence that there has been an ongoing problem between Leo and Raphael years before I met any of you, it seems that I was the catalyst that rekindled these obvious feelings of dissension, to the point where both of them had a death wish... I just don't understand it at all. Forgive me for sounding presumptuous, but with all the training and knowledge by the best teacher that ever drew breath, how can someone like me affect them so much?"

Rahab felt as though she were hyperventilating. She ran her palms up the sides of her head and through her hair in a self-calming gesture, and breathed out, as she glared at Raphael. "I'm just AMAZED at your position in this meeting, as though it were Leo who was on trial. Quite an accomplishment to put him on the defense, so he can draw the fire, don't you agree? Well, I'm sorry to say, that I'm putting it all back on YOU, Raphael. And I hope for your sake that you have an excellent explanation for what you DID back there on that airplane, and what the lesson was to be learned in pointing that damn gun at my head and pulling the trigger!"

The room walls rang from her voice, sharp with anger and pain, in the silence that followed.

Raphael calmly looked at her. "I was just teaching you how to kill, properly. Only, I wasn't about to use live ammunition, or else the lesson would have been no good."

Leo's brows lowered at Raph's reply.

"Course," Raph went on, "People might be interested in why YOU tried rip my throat out, since you already wasted a guy with that method, didn't ya? Kinda messy, don'tcha think? You can go around whaling on folks and nobody does a thing about it, uh? So, you thought you could do it to me, too, uh? Forgive me for sounding presumptuous, but with all the training and knowledge by the best teacher that ever drew breath, how can someone like me affect YOU so much?"

As Rahab glared at him, she could read the message of satisfaction in his eyes that he had gotten her goat... again. He grinned at her attempt to stop her hands from trembling as she folded her arms.

"Okay," Rahab managed to say, as she blinked back the tears that were brimming in her eyes. "You win, Raph. I'm not in any shape to continue in this- this verbal fencing. After all, nothing can STOP you from getting what you want, right? I should have gone ahead and let you have your way, and you'd be happy with your- your conquest, and I... well, that's not important how I feel, is it? What am I to you? A trophy, or some kind of elaborate party doll? If I make any objections, or argue, or want to be alone, or make a stupid mistake, then I'M out of line, and deserve to be the object of neglect and abuse, AS do my sons, especially if they don't look and behave the way YOU want them to. It doesn't matter that you have- you HAD- a family, a wife who loved you for who you are, and would have stayed with you, no matter what, except I couldn't deal with being abandoned any more. You could have called and talked to me, but I guess that just wasn't important enough to you, WAS IT?"

Raphael's expression became flat and motionless as she spoke words that obviously hit home. He averted his eyes, and said nothing in reply.

Rahab waited, then turned to look at Splinter, who was thoughtfully stroking the whiskers on one side of his upper lip. "I have nothing more to say to Raphael, Sensei."

"As you wish, Rahab," Splinter replied.

"I do have a request to make, if you please," Rahab said hesitantly.

"Yes, my daughter?"

"I'd like to leave this meeting now, and go be with my son. I've had enough of this."

"I too. This meeting is finished," Splinter said. "Raphael, you may go."

Raphael's mouth fell open. "What?"

Splinter did not respond, but leaned back into his pillows and closed his eyes wearily. The monks got up as one man, and silently filed out. Rahab stood up, noticing Raphael had not moved from his position, but continued to stare at Splinter with a growing look of apprehension on his face, as the silence stretched on. Leo touched Rahab's shoulder, and she followed him out of the room.



"So, when can I expect you home?"

Rahab switched the phone to her other ear. "Mike, I understand you are upset, but I just want a couple more of days of quiet, and then I'll head back. Needless to say, this has been excruciatingly stressful for me, and I want to spend some more time with Splinter. I also want to find out..." Looking around her, she lowered her voice. "I want to find out what happened to Raph. I really don't want to get stuck on a long flight home with him."

Mike swore under his breath. "Yeah? Well IF he does, he's gonna have to deal with ME, next. And I'll have some serious doubts about his personal safety if he EVER shows his face around HERE again. Maybe I should come out there, and make sure you get back here in one piece, okay?"

"What about the kids, Mike? You can't leave them alone stateside, and you don't want to bring them all with you, do you? I'll be okay, Leo will make sure of that."

Mike sighed heavily. "All right. Okay. Listen, I gotta go, Riahna's acting up again."

"I'm sorry she's giving you so much trouble-"

"It's all right, I can handle it. Just look to yourself and Seth, okay?"

"Okay... I love you."

"Yeah, love ya too."

Rahab sat quietly for a while after she hung up, looking at the phone in her hand. Mike had sounded so nervous... After a few moments of worrying, she shrugged it off. There was nothing she could do about it at the moment, anyway, no use expending energy that she needed for the task at hand.



When she climbed the hill to the top of the garden, she saw Leo perched on one of the boulders, looking out at the mountains that were turning gold in the late afternoon sun. He looked up and smiled absently at her greeting.

She sat beside him, and looked at her hands a moment. "How's Seth been doing?"

Leo shifted his position a little and looked at her. His eyes were weary. "He's been very happy to be here, Rahab."

"Maybe it will be hard for him to leave. Not to mention difficult for you."

Leo lowered his eyes. "It will be, only... it's just as well, he doesn't really know who I am."

Rahab nodded. She couldn't think of anything to say in response.

"Seth is a very perceptive child. What will YOU say if he asks..." Leo hesitated, and shook his head.

"What?"

"Never mind, I was just meandering."

"I'd tell him the truth, Leo. I'm sure he can handle it. When he is older, he will decide."

"Decide?"

"Who he wants to stay with."

Leo gave her a long look, then smiled a little. "Whatever he decides will be a good decision for me."

Leo's expression brought back the memory of his face that night, before she had fallen asleep from his tea. "So... what WAS going through your mind?"

"When?" The realization darkened his expression, and he let his breath out very carefully. "You mean the time I gave you tea, tried to put you to bed..."

"What were you thinking of?"

She could see his throat convulse as he swallowed. "When you reached up and embraced me, and said things in my ear..." He nervously rubbed the base of his throat, and glanced up at her. "I forgot who I was."

"I forgot who you were, too," Rahab sighed.

Leo rested his chin in one hand, his brow knitted for a long moment, as though deep in thought.

"What's done is done," Rahab said, and sighed heavily. It's time we put this into the past where it belongs."

When she finished speaking, Leo looked up at her. "Thank you, Rahab. Now my heart is not so burdened, knowing you have forgiven me."

"Nobody's perfect... not even you, Leo."

Leo smiled in response. "I am very happy that you understand that."

Rahab paused for a while to bask in the late sun and the contentedness of their renewed friendship. But the questions that nagged her soon resurfaced.

"Leo... uh, what has become of Raphael? I'm concerned that-"

"Raphael?" Leo's eyes seemed to darken as though a cloud passed over them. "I'm not really certain. It LOOKS as though Splinter has had his fill of him, and is shutting him off. Raphael still has not left his seat. It's as though he's afraid of being cut off from Splinter. He knows no one will try to force him out, but once he leaves, they can prevent him from returning." Leo closed his eyes. "I know Splinter wouldn't do anything like that, he doesn't have a single malicious hair on his back, but he is so very old, and tires easily-" Leo looked stricken and suddenly leaped up. He walked away from her a few paces, and stood with his back to her, his shoulders hunched. He fiercely hugged himself, as though to summon strength from within, and then turned to look at her, his eyes dull. "Forgive me, but there are moments when I am vividly reminded that Splinter is... in his last days."

"I'm sorry, I didn't intend-" Rahab began, but her throat choked off the rest of her words. She buried her face in her hands and suppressed a sob. When she looked up and saw Leo had disappeared, she cried openly.

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