Part 5: Transition
"What happened," Seth asked in a tentative voice, as they warmed themselves
by the fire, later that night. After Leo had dressed quietly, hung up his
swords and left the room, he had gently laid his hand on Seth's shoulder,
in passing. It was a small gesture, but Seth had welcomed it.
Leo looked up from staring into the fire. He frowned thoughtfully at Seth
a moment. "I don't know. But- I felt a release, afterward."
Seth nodded an acknowledgement, and moved the kettle away from the hottest
coals to slow its boiling. In the silence, he carefully poured the hot water
into the waiting teapot, and put the lid on for the herbs to steep.
Leo inhaled slowly and deliberately and then let it out in a sigh. "This
will be our last meal, tomorrow we begin our fast."
"Yes," Seth said, nodding again. "I'm looking forward to it."
It was a few minutes before he realized he was still under Leo's intent scrutiny.
He smiled a little at his father.
Leo smiled back, but his eyes were weary. "I regret not being there for you
when you were younger," he said at length. "I feel as though I had abandoned
you."
Seth wanted to say he didn't, and that he had been all right, but the truth
was, he had spent much of his young childhood in painful loneliness, and
he realized how much he had resented his father for not being there, once
his suspicions that he WAS his real father were confirmed. "Why did you,"
he finally asked.
"I tried my best, Seth... but the situation was complicated, and my presence
in the family was causing more trouble than it was worth. It had caused your
mother- and Raphael- great distress. I'm still convinced that I was the primary
cause of that breakup."
"I'm glad it happened, " Seth said tensely. "Raphael hated the sight of me!
And I was very much afraid of him."
Leo looked sadly at him. "I'm sorry to hear that... though I know later he
deeply regretted his resentment. But what is done is done, and it cannot
be undone. "
"He gave me a special turtle. It was what Mother called 'hypomelanistic'.
I still have him, you know, in the koi pond back home, outside my room window,
where I could see him when he climbed out on his rock every morning. He looks
kind of like me... color wise. Sometimes I wonder why Raph gave him to me.
What was he really saying?" Seth paused to swallow the knot in his throat.
"He gave you something unique, and therefore of great worth," Leo replied.
"It seems to me that was what he was saying to you."
"He could have said it more clearly," Seth muttered.
Leo sighed. "Yes, I know, but I'm not sure if he was capable of that, at
the time. Sometimes he has trouble communicating anything positive through
his pain."
"WHAT pain? What does HE have to be-" Seth stopped,and took a breath. "Sorry...
I'm raising my voice, but bringing this up is pretty difficult for me."
Leo said nothing, but carefully poured the tea into their bowls. He laid
one bowl by Seth, and sat back on his feet to watch his son.
Seth reached for the bowl, then let his hand fall back in his lap. "You know,
I'm supposed to be the good example, and you have put me to shame."
Leo's laughter echoed in the chamber, startling Seth. "My boy, age for age,
you are spiritually much farther along than I."
Seth stared at him a long time, unable to find an appropriate reply, and
Leo returned his gaze with a half smile.