Seth

Part 12: Home

Leo said little on the entire journey to California, he seemed to be in another world. Seth did all the talking for the both of them, and Leo barely acknowledged anyone. He didn't seem nervous or upset, just... in another world. Like he was busy at work at something inside his head. He looked with interest at the view of the bay and the golden mountains before the plane touched down, but seemed to slide back into himself again, when the hatch door opened for them to disembark. He stood in the hatchway for a long time, as though sniffing the air, and cautiously looked around, then slowly descended to the tarmac. A large, black Lexus had pulled up, and Don emerged grinning, from it.
"The prodigal son returns, with father in tow, I see." Don seemed in an unusually good mood about something.
Seth grinned at Don's ribbing. "Yes, we're back."
"Then I suppose Rahab will say my job is finished, and release me from my responsibility for you," Don said.
Seth gave him a curious look.

Rahab enveloped Seth in a warm hug, and held him tight against her for a long time. They looked into each others' eyes and smiled. "It's so good to see you again."
"It's good to be home, Mother."
"What are your plans, are you staying... a while?"
Seth turned to look at Leo, who was talking quietly with Mike and Don, then looked back at Rahab. "Yes, I am staying. I need the congregation here, and they need my support. I decided it would be better if I came home than stayed in Nepal too long... it was draining me too much." Seth noticed Rahab was looking at Leo."He decided to come along, Mother. I guess he's had enough of isolation, himself."
"Any idea of what he's going to do?"
"Not particularly... and what he has disclosed to me, I'll let him tell the rest of you."
"Hey, Raph! Look who's finally arrived," Mike called out.
Seth saw Raphael coming up the path from the guest house. Seth knew there was no longer any sort of enmity between them, but he couldn't help but feel that old surge of apprehension. He had an inlaid fear of Raphael. He had had unpleasant dreams about him... He steeled himself against the knot forming in his stomach, and squared his shoulders a little.
When Raphael noticed Leo and then Seth, he hesitated, just for a split second, then waved a little. "Hey guys, " he said quietly.
Mike glanced around at his brothers with delight. "All RIGHT! Together AGAIN!" He then let out a sudden whoop, making Leo jump a little. "This is GREAT, man! We gotta DO something!"
Raphael was looking at Leo. "Still, uh, very much here, aren'tcha?"
"Very much so, Raphael."
"Good, bro, that's good." Raph went to Leo, and grabbing the back of his neck, pulled him into a bear hug.
"True brothers, aren't they," Mike said to Don.
"Yes, I believe so," Don said, sighing.
Seth opened his mouth. "Are you sure?"
"Pretty much sure," Don said.
"Yeah, look at the eyes," Mike added. "Pretty obvious."

Seth watched Raphael as covertly as he could during the visit, but he knew from experience with Leo that Raphael knew he was being observed, and so, in turn, curiously eyed Seth on occasion. Finally, Raphael approached him.
"So, Seth," he said cautiously. "What's doing?"
"Ah, uh..." Seth was taken off guard. His mind seemed to grind to a halt in Raphael's presence. "Um. Well, I just- I haven't seen you in a long time. Nothing much." Seth immediately felt ashamed. How could he say that? It wasn't true.
Raphael was still standing there, looking directly at him. It seemed he didn't buy Seth's nonchalant reply, either. "Look," he said. "I know there's been a lot of bad blood between us, and it's over and done with, but I can't blame you for not liking me. I acted pretty stupid around you. But I couldn't do much about my feelings, that's all. It was just-" He swung his head away for a moment, then looked at Seth again. "I'm sorry. I can't think of any other way of putting it."
Seth took a breath, and swallowed. "Okay, uh, that's okay. Forgive and forget, right?" Seth felt odd. "Only I can't," he heard himself say. "I can consciously forgive, Raph, but I cannot... forget. I still have nightmares, and I still feel nervous around you... and I can't do much about that."
Raphael looked stricken, and cursed under his breath. He muttered something about being self centered and looked up at Seth, but had trouble looking into his eyes. "Never even thought, Seth. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, I had no idea how much of an impact I was making on you, just an innocent little kid, who didn't know what he'd done wrong..."
"You're right, I didn't." Seth could see Raphael's discomfort, and realized Raphael was feeling as vulnerable as he was. He no longer fit the belligerent, distant, untouchable apparition Seth had formed in his mind since early childhood. He had been Seth's personal demon, and a very real one at that. Just like Saki had been for Leo...
"If there's any way I can make it up to you, Seth," Raphael's words cut into Seth's thoughts. "You just name it, and I'll do it."
Seth raised his eyebrows. "Anything?"
"Anything."
"Okay..." Seth gave him a hesitant smile.

Everyone sat in a rough circle facing Seth in the den that evening, watching him with varying degrees of curiosity and reserve. Rahab sat on one side of Seth, Gaele on the other, then Leo, and on the opposite end, on the small couch in the farthest corner, sat Raphael. Riahna was snuggled up against him, wrapped in a throw blanket, half asleep.
"Nobody told me he was into that Holy Roller business," Raphael had protested to Leo when Seth had invited him to his Bible study.
"Seth is not into the Holy Rollers, it isn't going to be like that, brother," Leo had said. "Give it a chance. Besides, you must hold to your promise. Seth has made a simple request of you, and surely it's not going-"
"All right, okay. I'll go, I'll go. I just don't want anybody laying hands or snakes on me or yelling gobbledygook, or anything..."
Seth now smiled at everyone as he passed out the Bibles, and lastly at Raph, who gave him a weak grin in return as he accepted a book. "So. What are we going to read out of here?"
"Since this is the first study I've lead, I'll start out simple, ah, we'll read the book of John," Seth said, looking over his notes.
"It isn't like you've never read the Bible before, Raph," Leo said. "As I recall, you went through quite a philosophical, 'Why are we here?' phase, in our youth."
"Yeah, sure I did. That was back when we weren't sure if today was going to be our last day on earth, and I wanted to have an idea of where people thought we were supposed to go. Besides, I can't recall much of that."
"Why would it be any different now?" Seth asked. "Life is just as precarious now, as it was back-"
"What do YOU know about precarious?" Raphael's voice was quiet, but it cut through the room. "YOU didn't have to grow up in a hand-to-mouth..." He straightened himself, and pressed his lips together as though changing his thoughts. "Never mind, Seth. It's all relative, anyway."
Leo grinned at Raphael. Gaele cleared her throat and inspected her nails, and Rahab busied herself with turning the pages of her Bible.
"Uhm, okay," Seth took advantage of the silence that followed. I'll begin the study with a prayer..."
After Rahab finished reading aloud the first six paragraphs of John, Seth looked around the room. Leo was thoughtfully scratching at his lower lip as he gazed at the text in front of him. Gaele was absently nibbling on a cuticle. Riahna was asleep.
Raphael was gazing askance at Rahab, as though it was she who was making the statements, instead of the text.
"Does anyone have any comments?" Seth asked.
"I don't get it," Raphael said.
"What don't you get?"
"The whole thing," Raphael said, shifting carefully so as not to disturb Riahna. "It doesn't make sense."
Seth shrugged. "Could you give me an example?"
"Okay..." Raph sighed and peered at the text. "This thing with... in the beginning was the Word." He peered at Seth. "The Word! What word?"
"Well, it explains through the part Mother read. You see in verse fourteen, it says-"
"I know what it says, I heard it the same as everyone else. Maybe you aren't understanding my statement. What is the POINT of this passage? What does it really MEAN?"
Seth stared at him a moment.
"Was this meant as a rhetorical question, Raphael?" Leo asked him.
"Depends on how you look at it. You see, Seth," Raph went on, warming to the discussion. "People can interpret this in various ways. There are a thousand, no, TEN thousand ways to interpret this first paragraph, even. Whole religeons can be built on one of these little verses, alone."
"I realize that," Seth said.
"Seth and I have had this same discussion, brother," Leo said. "Different words, but basically the same."
"And what, if any, was the conclusion drawn from it?"
Leo gazed at Seth with affection. "I'll let him answer that."
"Okay..." Raphael was now looking at Seth.
Seth realized everyone was watching him- with the exception of Riahna- and what he had to say would make an impact on the room. Whether negative or positive, it would bear heavily on how the Bible study was going to go.
"Well," he said after taking a deep breath. "What I have learned is that the Bible is not something that can be manipulated by carnal minds like ours. Carnal, meaning- finite and mortal... Contrary to popular belief, the Bible is not a document open for personal interpretation. Sure, it CAN be interpreted any way you like, but in the end it contradicts itself and serves only to confuse its interpreter. Sometimes the interpreter realizes the confusion but cannot understand why, and rejects the writings in disgust, or does not realize the confusion, and goes off on a tangent, believing he is on the right path, because others are following the same path, and validating those same beliefs. Yet... something is still not quite right."
When no one spoke, Seth went on.
"It has to be seen from another point of view. There is a Master, and we, as finite beings, are the servants. This is voluntary, the Master wants loving, willing servants. We are given the instructions, and we choose to follow them, though we may not always like what we hear. But if we see the Master as righteous, and if we are truly seeking righteousness, then it won't be so unpleasant. It's a learning process. We learn, and grow, and continue in trusting obedience and learn the meaning of joy, and our hearts are transformed by the renewing of our minds."
"Is that right," Raphael said, sounding far from convinced.
"Yes, it is right," Seth said.
"So then, why do you think your interpretation is right and no one else's?"
Seth started to reply, but hesitated to think a moment. "It isn't my interpretation that is right, Raphael, it's just that I understand the Bible is what it claims to be, and that no matter how I or anyone else interprets it, it's still going to tell the same message. I should have looked up the passages and let the Bible speak for me, and let you interpret-"
"I thought there was only one way to interpret it," Raphael interrupted.
"There is," Seth said emphatically. "But instead of paraphrasing, I should allow the Gospel to speak for itself."
"He sounds like a Holy Roller to ME," Raphael said to Leo, then turned to Seth. "No offense, or anything. It's no reflection on you personally, I'm just arguing with the principle that drives these so-called Holy Joes to be the all-time, most irritating group of people on this planet."
"Who would those be?" Seth asked.
"Well you know," Raphael said, waving impatiently. "The Jee-hovah's Witlesses, the Christian Coalition and the Moral Abnormalities or whatever they call themselves. The ones who picketed the statue of the Incan Snake God over in San-Fran, saying it was idol worship, and threatened to have it busted down... it was just a statue, for crissake! They're a bunch of friggin' hypocrites! They think they're superior to other people just because they dress up and go to some fancy building once a week to worship some dead guy on a stick!"
Seth focused on his Bible a moment to gather his thoughts, and remembered what Leo had told him... Raphael's jibe about the dead turtle on a stick... he squinted at Raphael thoughtfully, and realized everyone was giving Seth an apologetic look. Except Rahab, who was glaring at Raphael.
"Like I said, Seth," Raphael muttered. "It's nothing against you. I'm just stating my point of view, that's all."
"I didn't take it personally, Raphael, besides, I agree with you. You are right about your point of view regarding people like that, I think it's quite accurate. They are no better than the very heathens they so loudly denounce. In fact, they are the worst. The Bible speaks of that quite plainly."
Raphael leaned back into his seat. "It does, huh? I'd like to know where that is."
"The book of Jude... Romans chapter two... and Matthew chapter seven, verses fifteen through twenty-three," Seth said. "That seems to cover the part referred to as 'wolves in sheep's clothing'."
"Uh huh," Raphael said.
Seth turned the pages of his notes. "Okay, to further clarify what I said concerning the interpretation of the Bible... I'll just go with some basic passages. Let's see... Hebrews chapter four, verse twelve. Will you read it, Raphael?"
"What, out loud?" Raphael's eyes widened for an instant, then he turned the pages to find the passage.
"Sure. I find it easier to read a passage out loud, because then it goes into auditory as well as visual memory," Seth replied.
Raphael mumbled something, and then read. "'The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.' Hmm. You can relate to that, can't you, Leo?"
Leo gave Raphael's jibe a noncommittal smile. "As you say, Raphael."
Seth went on looking at his notes. "Father, will you take the next passage? That's in Second Timothy chapter three, verse sixteen."
"Certainly, son," Leo said, deftly flipping through his book. "'All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness'... and I'll go on to seventeen... 'so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.'" Leo looked at Seth. "I think it would be feasable to continue... I believe it will keep things in context to what you and Raphael have been discussing."
"By all means, Father," Seth said.
"All right... continuing in chapter four... 'In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word, be prepared in season and out of season, correct, rebuke and encourage- with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.'"
Seth sat in silence, watching his father, mesmerized by his voice. He made everything he read sound like poetry... if only to have him read such things in front of a larger audience...
Raphael was now giving Leo the same dubious look he'd given Seth. "I see you haven't lost your touch."
"Neither have you, Raphael."
"You're starting to sound like an ol' TV evangelist."
Gaele looked uncomfortable. "Seth, I'm going to cut out now, if you don't mind," she whispered to him as Leo and Raphael talked. "I have to- you know, do stuff-"
Seth patted her hand. "That's okay, Gaele, I'm glad you could make it. If you want, you could read the book of John on your own time."
Gaele smiled faintly as she slipped out of the room.
Raphael watched her leave. "Hey, are we losing someone already?"
"She's just leaving early," Seth said. "There's no time limit on this study. I'd just rather everyone showed up at the same time, but you can leave whenever you feel you've had enough."
Raphael inclined his head in agreement. "Not a bad rule. And uh, as long as you aren't trying to convert anybody, I'll stay as long as you like. I don't mind these discussions, they aren't too heavy for me."
Seth felt uncomfortable. "Uhm, well... I am, actually. That is, I want to see you do that."
"Do what?"
"Be converted. All of you..."
Raphael suppressed a snort of laughter.
"... eventually."
"Why?"
Seth glanced at Leo who was also looking at Seth expectantly. Expecting what, he wasn't sure... he didn't want to get drawn into the same tiring debates with Raphael that he'd had with his father. "Well, because... I care about you." He looked around the room. "I love you all. Mother... father... my brothers and sisters... and you, Raphael."
Raphael raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. Then he grinned. "Oh, I get it. Love your enemies, right? Pray for those who hate you?"
"Yes, that's right. Only, I don't hate you any more, Raphael. In fact, I don't think I ever have. Afraid? Yes. But not hate."
Now Rahab was looking unsettled. "Uhm, Seth, I'd rather not get into that, if you don't mind. I thought we had resolved this issue."
"But... I haven't. I've only just begun to face this. I've had so much to face, and overcome..." Seth's eyes blurred with tears and he blinked them away, as he closed his Bible. "It takes time. Father said that. I can only do so much at a time... but sometimes I try too hard, that's all."
He felt his composure crumbling, and then his mother's comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Look, don't take this personally, Seth, I didn't mean to run roughshod over you..." Raphael's apologetic voice cut in.
"Yes, Seth, don't take it personally, Raphael runs roughshod over everybody," Rahab said quickly, in a far less apologetic voice.
"Look, Rahab, you know I've been working on this really hard as well! It ain't easy for me either!"
"You've had a LOT more time to work it out, AND the training..."
"I'm doing the best I can!"
Rahab held Seth in silence, until he gently pulled out of her grasp. "I'm all right, mother, I'm not a child any more."
Raphael looked very agitated, but sat quietly for Riahna's sake. He clenched his jaws and swallowed as he stared at the floor in front of him. When he noticed Seth was looking at him, he settled and stared back. "It isn't your fault, Seth." Raphael finally said. "Your parents made a mistake, and it has nothing to do with you. It's NOT your fault. But I still feel the pain from that mistake, and it's gonna take time for me, too." He shut his eyes and shook his head a little. "Whatever. I mean, it's just- that's life. It throws you a curve ball, and you try to catch it. If you don't, then don't worry about it. Maybe you'll catch the next one. That's all I can say. That's... that's all." He got up and lifted the still sleeping Riahna in his arms. "Time to call it a night, people."
"Okay, Raphael. I have appreciated your comments, and... I'm certain Splinter would have agreed with you," Leo said gently, opening the door for his brother.
"Maybe. Thanks, uh, I guess..." Raphael muttered as he went out.
After Raphael was gone, Seth breathed easier. He could be so intense... Then he noticed Leo was looking at Rahab. As Rahab calmly returned his gaze, Seth was suddenly filled with a deep longing. If only... they could... he quickly shut the thought out before it even completed itself. No, it's wrong... their getting together would be wrong, no matter how I feel, or how they feel. He looked at his parents again, and seeing they were still gazing silently at each other, he was filled again with helpless frustration. No, you can't! Stop, just stop, STOP IT!
Leo glanced at Seth as though he had shouted his thoughts out loud. He then gave Rahab a polite little smile and a nod, and left.
"Mother, what was that all about?" Seth asked.
She frowned. "I am just as mystefied as you are, Seth. You know how he is. He does things that can't be interpreted easily."
"How did you feel when you were looking at him?"
"What?" Rahab stared at him.
"I felt it, Mother. I felt... the longing. I couldn't help but feel it, it was overwhelming-"
Rahab walked out.
"Mother-"
"It's all right, Seth. It will all turn out right." Rahab paused at the top of the stairs to gaze down at him, then disappeared down the hall.
He heard Mike's voice, affectionately greeting her, just before she shut the bedroom door behind her.
That night, Seth felt more alone than he had ever been in his entire life. But he knew it would not be for long... for tomorrow was Sunday... a new day, and a new week...

Seth 13
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