Somewhere in the turtles future  

Something tugged at the edge of his mind. Something that urged Raphael to wake up and move

"YO! Wake up! " someone yelled and yanked the warm cosy blanket away from him.

"Mike One more word and I'll rip your guts out " growled the newly awakened Raphael and glared at his brother. Michelangelo just grinned and ran out with the blanket like a flag streaming after him. Raphael's brown eyes narrowed and he rushed after Mike and tried to retrieve the blanket. The two turtle mutants clashed together just outside Donatello and Leonardo's room. Leo woke up and shoved the door open.

"What are you doin´?" he mumbled. Head aching form a party the evening before. He should NOT have tried that drink Mick had prepared. Apparently some swedish pal of his had made it once and it was suppose to be good. What had it been called ? Wolfsfeet? No...Wolfpaw. Vodka and lingonberryjuice.. Leo felt his guts complain as he walked towards the bathroom.

"Hi! Still sleepy?" said Mike as he suddenly got smashed to the floor by a grumpy Raph.

"One more morning like this and you'll be stacked under the sink!"

Mike just grinned up at him as Raph walked back to the room.

"Man..Has he got a hangover or what?" said Michaelangelo and got up. Leo grumbled something to him and walked past him. Shower. Needed a shower. Or something like that.  

Mick dove into the old refrigerator. They had found a whole bunch of useful stuff at a hospital that was about to be closed. And since they needed a new fridge, a new shower and some other stuff, they'd been hauling it there with the aide of April and her trusty van.

"Where is the cheese?" howled Mike as he started to open a jar of peanutbutter.

"Shhh..I don't think they like you screaming like that " said a slender shadow that appeared in the doorway.

"Venus!! Don't creep up like that! Geez! You are gonna give me a heartaattack!!"

"Sorry, Mike I just woke up to the sound of fighting. I suppose you found much entertainment by stealing Raphael's blanket again?"

Mike watched his sister walk by, wearing an old lightblue kimono. She stopped by the old stove and filled a steel saucepan with water.

"Tea, brother?"

"Huh? Yeah. Sure." said Mike. He'd been watching the peanutbutter. "There's something wrong "

"What did you say?"

"Look I don't recall the peanut's being green ?"

Mike ran all he could when he realised that he had been eating outdated peanutbutter. Venus De Milo just shook her head and made a mental note to try out that peanutbutter thing. So far she had not yet come over the sudden tasteexplosion that had come with a very spicy kebab pizza the other evening. The odd taste had been something she'd been most confused over. She watched the water starting to boil and decided to see if Mike was done in the bathroom. But she heard the shower was already occupied, so he must have ran elsewhere. With the shower occupied, that meant she had to wait for another hour before enough hot water would be back. Even if they stole water from an old pipe it was still cold, and the old hot water machinery that Don had installed worked slowly. He had promised to update it some day, but it seemed like he never got time for it.

She stopped and came up with another idea. The old cave. They had found an old cave deep below that held water. Clear as the purest crystal, unpolluted and fresh. She even could drink it if she had to. She'd go there later on to swim and clean up.

Venus reached up and opened a cabinet above the sink and took out two bowls made of green porcelain. She filled the matching teapot she found with water and the tea. Then she placed it all on a tray and walked out to the room where Sensei Splinter had his quarters. The ratmutant sat dressed in his soft kimono robe and bowed slightly when she poured him some tea.

"Thankyou, daughter. Very kind of you." He said in Japanese. Venus bowed back and smiled. "You are welcome, Sensei"  

Raphael bundled up on his futon again. He crawled to the back of it and felt the wall scrape against his shell. But he somehow could not sleep. He lay wake listening to Mike waking up Donatello. Donnie walked by, peeking into the compartment and said goodmorning. All he got in return was a growling sound. But he knew how his brother behaved and walked on. Raph lay silent, watching the halfopen door. Something tickled his chin. He looked down. It was the red bandana of his. He picked it up and looked at it. Saw the two holes for his eyes. Suddenly a thought crept into his mind.

"Is this all there is?" But then he shrugged it off. No use sleeping. He had been well woken.  

Leonardo sat silent and meditated. The stillness of this place was calming and all he could hear was the dripping as the big pool of water was slowly filled. This old cave with the clear water had been a blessing when it came down to getting away from the others. Sure, he loved his siblings and Sensei Splinter. But from time to time, everyone had to spend some time alone and contemplate over certain matters.

As he sat there, focused on the inner of his being, he could sense the others. Like some kind of strange bond connecting him and the others. A bond that had become even stronger since the arrival of Venus.

The past years they had gone thru some huge changes. Despite the poor start of their lives, most evident when it came to the size of Mick especially, they had grown now. More nourishment had provided their bodies with better possibilities.

Leonardo roughly estimated his own size nowadays to 170 centimetres tall. Raphael were the one who'd grown most. As of now he reached 179 centimetres. 180 he usually said, just because it sounded better. Leo smiled faintly at the thought of it. April had pointed out that the gang had finally, and he could almost see April's face, grown up. Well, Mike would most likely never grow up, but he had changed as well. Stabilised, as Venus had pointed out.

Leo turned the thoughts away and turned to the more complicated task of searching his inner self. As of now it still had a rough core, with many edges to wear off.  

"Whoha!!" howled Mike and easily avoided Donatello's attack. They had been in the trainingroom for a couple of hours now. The smaller warrior ducked and let his left foot yank the opponent off the ground. Don fell backwards with a dramatic howl. Then he jumped up again just as fast and Mike got surprised.

"Hey!! I thought computers slowed your mind!" Mike complained as he fended off his brother's attack and lost.

"Nope " grinned Donnie and helped his brother off the ground. They bowed to eachother and then headed for the kitchen to find something cool to drink.

Raphael stood in the shadows and studied them. He tugged on the bandana. The thought was back. "Is this really all that is?" he mumbled. As he stood there, lost in thoughts, something touched his arm and he looked to the right. Sensei Splinter stood beside him.

"What troubles your mind so much that you are not attentive to your surroundings?" he asked.

Raph sighed and shook his head.

"Nothing. I just..."

"There is nothing such as nothing! Your mind can not be occupied with these thoughts and still be alert. Tell me, otherwise you will be suffering."

Raph took off the bandana and looked at it. "Is this all there is?" he said and looked up at Splinter. The rat tilted his head. Raphael realised he had to explain himself.

"I mean..Look at us! All we do is fight this world! Shredder, he's gone. The Dragons defeated, and Venus has come to stay. We are complete, as she says. But hell!! I want to know if there's more to it then this?!"

Splinter sighed, as if he knew knew something Raphael did not. "What you ask for is more then you can have, atleast in this situation."

"More then I can have?!" Raphael growled. "What I want is something more, OK?! I want Dammit! I don't even know what i want!" Raphael turned and walked away with a dark look in his eyes, mumbling something. Splinter sighed and shook his head. Even if the years had not been easy for either of the turtles, he still felt that the problems were going to be greatest with Raphael. He still was one of the best ninjitsu practitioners Splinter had ever come across, only outmatched by Leonardo. This troubled Raphael had it in him naturally.

As he looked up, Venus stood in the doorway to the training room and looked at Raphael as he walked by.

"Raphael? Brother?" but the taller male did not listen, just went by her like a steaming train. He disappeared up the ladder and out to the world above. Venus joined master Splinter.

"Should I go after him? Just in case he ends up in trouble again?"

Splinter crossed his arms and nodded. "Please do. I fear he might turn to the dark alleys otherwise to his inner rage out."

Venus slipped up the ladder too and was soon gone.

The snow fell in thick flakes down from a dark, grey evening sky. Footprints made by twotoed feets led to the crouching figure at the rim of the roof. Raphael was watching the streets below. Saw all the people dressed in thick jackets, warm coats of wool and big shoes on their feet. The people hurried by, stopping now and then to see the decorations in the windows. Some of the brightly lit up windows had small decorated Christmas trees and Santas in them.

He saw a mother and two kids stop by a toy store window and the children pressed their little noses at the cold glass to see the tings even better. He could hear bits of the kid's voices. They fabled about having some of the things they saw. The sudden look on the face of one of the kids brought back memories.

From a winter, early on in his childhood. He and Donatello had been out looking for food. For three days they had not eaten anything and they felt so hungry. They had stood here, down in the little alley right beside from where he sat now, and had looked at the toystore. Wearing oversized thick woolcoats, they had hurried over, and watched the toys gleaming.

"Wow! Look!" Donnie had said, pointing his little hand at a gleaming red toy car. Raphael had become completely enchanted by a small brown teddy bear. They had stood there for several minutes before someone had come and stopped behind them.

"Marvellous things aren't they?" the man had said. And then he had crouched down. And even if the two little boys looked strange, the stranger dressed in his fine clothes and funy hat had not been disgusted by their looks. He had just placed his big hands on their shoulders. The round wrinkled face with its thick white beard had smiled down at them.

"Wait right here, boys " he had gone inside the shop and to Donnie and Raph's surprise the shopkeeper picked out the red toy car and the soft teddy. They looked at the man as he returned and handed them the toys.'

"Now then, boys. Go get something good to eat!" he had said and given them a fifty dollar bill.  

Raphael grinned as he recalled that Christmas nearly fourteen years ago. That week they'd been able to eat properly for once. It wasn't much but still it brought them some food. He still had that old teddy stuffed in the back of the big trunk at the foot of his bed.

The mother and her children walked away and disappeared round a corner.

"Merry Christmas " he muttered and stood to walk away. But as he turned he saw Venus stand not far away.'

"So..he sent a watchdog along, right?"

"It's for your own sake, brother of mine" said Venus and waited for him to come closer. Raphael was a head taller then her and he stopped just so close that he could look down at her with a dark look.

"Well, I don't..."

But then he fell silent. Something was wrong. Something down the road. Venus had heard it too. They had a hearing far superior then a human, and the training to be alerted to any sound made them rush over the rooftops with both speed and grace.

Despite her turtle ancestry, Venus was more catlike in her style then the others. She landed soundlessly next to Raphael on the low roof of a car repair shop.

The sounds came from the back of the house. They hurried over and looked down. Down below them, they could see four men and a woman. It was obvious the woman was not the one who often travelled these blocks.

"After you" Raphael said and Venus dropped soundlessly to the ground, followed by her brother.  

"Excuse me " Raphael said and slowly pulled out the two sais he always carried.

The four men turned and looked at them. They looked dirty and smelly. Venus guessed that they had nowhere else to go then this backyard, and steal from others to survive.

"What..?" one of them said. Then he nodded to the others to take these shadows out. Venus easily stepped aside, delivering a hard whack to the neck of the first man. The other two approached Raphael. The fourth one grabbed the woman and pulled her with him into the garage. Raphael made a roundkick and followed up with a quick and paralysing stab to the other mans shoulder. They both went down, but Raphael made sure the stabbed one was out before he pursued the fourth man and the hostage. It was dark in there, but he found the lightswitch. The sharp light blinked a couple of times and then stabilised again. The garage was full of tools, two cars and other material.

"One step closer, and the lady gets it." A gun clicking followed the statement. Raphael stopped, standing in the light of the ceilinglamps. And the fully-grown turtle made the man's eyes grow big. From the slightly chubby teenager to the athletic, well-trained and muscular being he now was as an adult, had meant big changes to Raphael's looks. As he shifted weight on his feets, the two sais gleamed in the light from the ceiling.

"I heard you " said Raph and relaxed. But he was still alert to every move that might come. And where was Venus when he needed her?! He looked around, but he could not se her anywhere.

"What the hell are you?!" the stocky ragclothed man growled. He seemed not to have washed in days and the face was covered in beard and dirt. The woman, seemed to be in her mid 20's with a thick blonde braid falling over one of the shoulders. Her darkblue coat had stains of melting snow and grease. She stared at the man and then back at Raphael. He saw that she shaped the word "help" with her lips and looked at him. But she didn't seem scared. Not of him.

"You..! Get out of here, and I'll let the lady go, sans her purse "

He was just about to back, when the door behind the man was shattered and Venus tumbled over them, made a roll and came up on her feet. The man fell forward and lost the gun. The woman ran away from him and hid behind Raphael's back. She stared past him at the man who was trying to get up. Venus mumbled something and the man received a punch that totally knocked him.

"I called the police, they'll be here any minute.

"Who're you?" the woman stuttered and looked up at them.

"Friends. The police will be here any minute now. We would appreciate if you didn't tell them who we are. Or how we look for that matter " said Venus with a calm and low voice.

The young woman stared up at Raphael and then at Venus, then nodded and smiled. She rubbed at a grease stain on her chin and smiled at them.

"Thankyou.."

The two bowed at her and then they both were gone into the night. All that was left was four beat up men and a frightened young woman.  

"Feeling better?" asked Venus as they watched the police arrive. They had an excellent view from across the street.

"A little " Raph said as he watched them toss the men into the cars. The red and blue lights made the snow look like a coloured snowpops. They saw the young woman being escorted to a blue and white police car. She stopped just before she was about to get into it and looked around. Venus could see her brother stare down at the scene with an intense look on his face. Then the woman smiled and got in the car.  

Raphael felt much better actually. He had been able to get rid of some pent up energy and that had settled his restless mind for a while. But the best part about this particular fight had been the feeling of protecting something, someone that had trusted him at first glance. And it was still a riddle to him howcome she'd not been scared by him.

That night Raphael did not sleep much, just kept turning from side to side. Maybe this was the beginning to something that would answer his question? Not until the early morning hours he fell asleep. Only to be rudely awakened by someone stealing his blanket again

"This is it..You're dead meat, Mike!"

"I don't know where you guys get it from, but this was one of the most stupid pranks ever!"

Leonard barked as he stood in front of Michaelangelo and Donatello. The two brothers glanced at eachother and then back at Leo. He was in a really bad fit of rage and kept on arguing at them for a couple of minutes before he stalked back to the cart section that held Michaelangelo and Raphael's room. He walked in, silently not to disturb the ill one in there. April was there along with Splinter and Venus.

They were tending to the shard of ninja-turtle that was lying on his belly, sleeping for the moment.

"How's he doing?" Said Leo as he approached them. Splinter looked up and his thin rat-ears shivered.

"Not well, my son. The fever is raging beyond my control. And the pills that April brought has only helped for the moment.

Venus stood to go to the kitchen for some more cold water. They kept filling him with it because he sweated most of it out. The bedclothes were soaked after only an hour. "If he gets dehydrated, his kidneys is going to go first." Venus stated as she slipped out with the old battered metal jug in her hands.

Leonardo's brown eyes looked very sad as he settled down with his legs crossed next to his brother's futon.

"Hey..Raph. Fight it, man. We can't afford to loose you "

He remembered the so-called joke Mick and Don had pulled. Luring Raph into the cold water in the big cave below. Only this time, it had ended in pneumonia and a bad case of influenza on top of it all.

They weren't overwhelmingly fond of chilly places, and the cold water had chilled Raph pretty much to the edge of unconsciousness.

"Always the macho, right?" said Leo. And even if he tried to smile, his eyes did not.

April placed a hand on Raph's hot forehead. "I don't like this "

Splinter nodded and got up. His bones cracked a couple of times, then he smoothly excited the wagon. It was time the other two, even if they had not meant to harm their brother, was set to work. The trainingroom they had created in a newly discovered hall next to the old subwaystation they lived in, were set up just half a year earlier. Now Splinter ordered the two into the room and set them to work until they dropped.  

Leo sat silent and looked at Raph. Now and then he woke up, only to stare at them with weary eyes and go right back to sleep. The ninja with the blue bandana knew that it was only the drugs they had stuffed him with the past hours that kept him alive. April had gone home for some more. She'd also promised pick up some other material at the local drugstore before she came back. Including a couple of pizzas for the evening dinner.

Even if they had their disagreements now and then, they'd come to form a very strong group. They'd always been one, but with the events that had taken place over the years, they'd come to trust only a few. And to loose Raphael would be like tearing away an arm or a leg, without anaesthetic.  

As he lay there, Raphael suddenly felt someone shaking his shoulder. Someone urged him to wake up and stand.

"Yeah, wait." he mumbled and got up. But then he stopped; he was supposed to be ill! Almost gone for that matter! But still he got up, dressed to battle with weaponry and pads! Raph looked around. He stood beside his brother, and saw himself lying there. A poor creature, beyond any help it seemed.

"Leo! I'm OK! See?" he said and walk around his brother a couple of circles. But the leader did not respond.

Leonardo just sat there, silent and inattentive to the other part.

"What's the matter with you?!"

"He can't hear you," someone said. Raph whirled around, Sais' already in his hands. There sure was someone, right beside Mick's bed. He was a head taller then Raph, dressed in some dark-blue, deeply hooded cloak. When the thing saw that Raphael was listening to him he bowed and parted the cloak. It revealed a Samurai costume, complete with the sharp shoulders and two swords: one Katana and one Wakisashi. But no matter how Raphael looked, he could not see the stranger's face in the deep hood.

"And who are you? How did you get in here?" Raph said and held the Sais ready for an attack or defence.

"Well, I hardly think that matters. We are not in the subway station anymore."

Raphael snorted something and looked back at his body laying on the futon.

"I don't care. I have a sick body to watch over "

Then he realised what he'd said and stopped. He moaned and replaced the Sais in their sheaths.

"Well, hard to understand it, Raphael-san?" said the cloaked intruder and stopped by his side.

Raphael looked up at him. "Am I dead?" he said.

"By far, no! But I think you had a question the other day that needs to be answered "

"Question?"  

The room blurred and then got back in focus again. But now, the smell of illness and sweat could not be sensed anymore. And the familiar shape of Leonardo was gone as well. They were back to a morning a week earlier. He could see himself coming back to the bed, wrapping himself up in the old cosy blanket and plopped himself down on the warm bed again. But then he reached for the bandana by the bed.

"I know what you mean. Is there more to this?" said the visiting Raphael and looked up at the stranger.

"Yes..Good. You do have a reasonable mind form time to time indeed " said the stranger with slight mock in his voice.

Raphael turned to face him and poked a finger into his chest. "And is there more to this life then just fighting? All this training and hiding? Are there?" he said.

The stranger nodded and held out his arms and spread the big cloak. And before Raphael could protest, he was enveloped in the soft silky fabric and lost all sense of where he was. A sudden feeling of falling hit him and he felt the ground under his feet disappear.  

The sensation of falling stopped so sudden that even Raphael, well trained and strong, lost his footing when they hit solid ground. The stranger stood still, with just his big cloak bulging around him in the hard wind blowing around them.

Raphael felt something wet and chilly upon his body and saw that it was snow. He stood and looked around. It was next to a house. It looked like it was somewhere in Brooklyn, or some other shaggy part of New York. He had grown up on the dark side of "The Big Apple". It was howling cold out here, and Raphael froze like never before.

"Enter the building, Raphael. It's your past. Go."

Raphael looked at the cloaked one, and then at the house. It was made of bricks, old ones too. And he soon found an old door as well. It was almost falling off its hinges, but he could open it carefully.

It made an awfully squeaking noise as he opened it. But he was glad to be inside. He'd been thru too many of these kind of winters to be very amused by snowballs but as Raphael stepped inside the door shut behind him and he was all alone in the dark. His eyes adjusted quickly and he could see that some of the junk inside the house consisted of fallen ceilings, old garbadge cans and other strange materials. A sudden motion at his side made him lookup.

"Sensei!" he called out as he saw Splinter hurry by. But the rat didn't listen. He just hurried on to a cellar stair and disappeared down it.

Raphael hurried after and stopped at the top of it. A cellar. Hm... What was Splinter suppose to do down there? He sneaked after the ratmutant, avoiding the more creaky steps on his way down. But he stopped suddenly.

"How did I know that?" he mumbled and looked downwards. Somehow he knew this place well. As he arrived at the basement he followed the sound of voices. Light voices, like children calling out and laughing. And he could hear Splinters voice as well.

"Go on. They are waiting." a voice said in his ear.

"Gez! Do you mind?! I don't wanna die like this!" said Raph as he saw the stranger step out of the shadows underneath the staircase.

"I won't kill you Go, now!" he said and pointed with a slender blackgloved hand in the direction of the sounds. For a brief second, Raphael thought the hand looked familiar, but the curiosity of it all got the better hand and he walked on.  

As he walked on, sneaking glances into the narrow rooms he passed by, Raphael just knew he had been here before. The smell of stale water, mould and old wood made him sure of that. The corridor ended in another stair.

This one seemed to be made recently and made no sound as he ventured down it. He saw light now from the other side of a curtain. But little had prepared him for what he saw on the other side as he pushed it aside.  

"Bow ," said the Sensei and the four young ones did so. Then they started to east the rice from the broken deep plates.

Raphael just stared. He saw his brothers, all of them, and himself. Next to the little version of himself sat Mick. Always the small one. And the memories hit him.

Yes, now he knew. This was part of his childhood. The cold and the trouble. The hard lessons under the eyes of Sensei Splinter and the growing bonds between the four of them.

As Raphael watched, he saw himself hesitate to eat the last piece of fish and rice. And the hesitation ended in the gesture that he gave it to his smaller brother. And the smile that little Mike gave to Raphael was something he knew well by now.

"Yes. It's true. It is you and your brothers. And Sensei Splinter "

Raphael had just begun wondering when the stranger would appear.

"I can see that. I remember this day. Don and me are about to go out later on. This was the day we got rich. Well, fifty bucks, but it was a smaller fortune!" said Raphael and crossed his hands.

"Yes " said the stranger and did the same. Obviously without even thinking of it. It made Raphael look at him and shook his head.

"Well, what's the meaning of it then?"

The stranger grinned and walked over to the low table where the small ones were seated. Mick was finishing the fish and rice.

"Thank you " he said and gave his brother a big hug. Young Raph just shrugged his shoulders.

"Alright! Stop it, Mike " the young Raphael warned. But little Mike just grinned and licked up the remaining rice.

"They trust in eachother. Their lives are around the teaching and the playing. They live life to the fullest and take it in that way. They are attentive to the words their master say and what they learn from him. That is their life now. But you'll never know how it could be. What could happen in these young years that would eventually create another outcome?"

The stranger stepped up to Raphael and placed the gloved hands on his shoulders.

"Come I will show you two possibilities. We go forward in time. To see what would have happened with these small ones if Splinter had not been around to care for you four "

"Not been around? He's always been around! You're crazy." Said Raphael and waved him off.

"Far from it. Some say you were "

"Were?" he stuttered and then saw the cloak move again to envelop him in the soft darkness once again. Only this time, the sensation of falling was replaced with a growing fear and anger. And he somehow understood that what he was about to see was something taken from his worst nightmares.