December 22, 2004

When Raph finally walked into the kitchen at lunch time, he was still only slightly cheerier for the extra hours of sleep. He grumbled a good morning to Leo, Mike, April, Casey, and Shadow. He found a can of soup and dumped it into a pot to heat on the stove, then flopped down at the table, across from Mike, who was reading the latest Alli Marty bestseller. Mike grinned mischievously at him and then stuck his face back in the book. Don was also there, but Raph studiously ignored him. Just my luck. The bastard’s always closest when I’m trying to avoid him. He could’ve just left the room, but it was too late now. He was here, but he didn’t have to talk to or acknowledge Don.

Raph had just started eating his soup when Don set a book on the end of the table and sat down with his sandwich. Raph scanned the book, double-checked the title, and turned a glare on Don. The hardness of the gaze made the quiet turtle look up at Raph.

“What?” Don asked. Dammit, what’s he mad about now?

Raph snatched the book and held it out distastefully. “A Fourth Serving of Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul,” he said. “How cute, Don.”

Don glanced at the book and at Raph’s lunch and quickly comprehended. His face flushed red. “Don’t be an idiot, Raph. My life doesn’t hinge on your dietary preferences, believe it or not,” he snapped, grabbing for the book. Raph let it drop, and the book struck the table hard, sloshing his soup onto the reading material.

Don snatched the book up and tried to dry it with his napkin. “You have to be THE most disrespectful, ignorant person I have ever met.”

“Look who’s talking, Mister Enlightened Christian,” Raph growled back.

The others were trying to ignore the fight, naively hoping that it might fizzle out before someone had to take the initiative and break the two brothers up.

But of course it didn’t. It never fizzled out between Raph and Don, and soon they were both trying to shout each other down. It was Leo who finally jumped up and shoved the pair apart.

“Why do you always do this?” he demanded angrily. “You’re always trying to ruin things, Raph.”

“Me!” Raph snarled. Distracted from his original target, he turned his angry glare on Leo. “And Donatello is perfect, right? You always blame me for everything, Leo. Maybe it’s time to get over whatever little problem you’re having and deal with the fact that I’m not responsible for the universe as a whole!”

“He’s blaming you because I didn’t do anything!” said Don. “It’s not my fault you lose your temper all the time. I didn’t do anything to you, and you decided to grab my book and act like a jerk.”

“It’s not my fault you always try to sell me your stupid religion! I am so sick of all your Christian crap-”

“It is NOT CRAP!” Don shouted back. “Maybe you’re just jealous because I actually believe in something, while you spend all your time being angry and feeling sorry for yourself because your life sucks!”

“Damn you Donatello, stop being so SUPERIOR all the time! Just because you’re Christian doesn’t mean you can rub my beak in it! If you’re supposed to be on a direct line to heaven, why don’t you send up a message for me: you can tell that fag Jesus to shove a goddamn Bible up his ASS!”

Raph didn’t see Don’s fist until after it had already slammed into his jaw and withdrawn. Raph stumbled back, eyes wide. Everyone in the kitchen was staring, and even Mike had finally lowered his book. They gaped at Don, who stood there with his fists clenched, waiting defiantly for Raph to scream at him or try to return a blow. But Raph didn’t. His hand went to his jaw, then dropped and hung slackly at his side, as if unsure what to do with itself. Leo felt cold suddenly. Raph may or may not have deserved that. But Don...Leo and Raph had come to blows often enough, and even Mike had gotten physical in a fight once or twice. But Don had never struck one of his brothers in anger.

In his eyes, they saw the rage, the insurmountable fury that so often overcame Raph. But Don wasn’t the angry young man, constantly ready to take on all comers; he was the quiet, brainy one, who never invited or encouraged conflict. But even as his brothers saw and recognized that angry fire, Don realized with a shock what he had wrought, and swiftly beat the flames back into the inner recesses they had emerged from. The kitchen’s occupants blinked, and when they looked again, the anger was gone and Don was himself, standing with mute remorse and fear; as if a demon possessing his body had just been exorcised, and he had awakened without knowledge of how or why he had acted.

Don looked as sick as he felt. Oh God, my God, please forgive me...what have I done? He hadn’t planned to hit Raph, hadn’t wanted to, but in that one moment, he just-lost it. Before any of his friends could question him, he whirled and made his way to the kitchen door, headed up the hallway and out the front door. But he was stopped in the doorway by Master Splinter, who had stood unnoticed in the silence following Don’s attack. Splinter gently turned Don back around and guided him into a chair. Don sank down weakly and buried his face in his hands.

“This cannot continue,” Splinter said quietly. “It must end before someone is seriously hurt.” He realized immediately that he had spoken incorrectly. Raphael and Donatello were already seriously hurt, turned away from each other by anger and wounded feelings. “Realize, my sons, that you are not just hurting each other, which is bad enough. You are hurting the rest of us, and that is inexcusable. If we wish to remain together as a family during this holiday season, you must agree to put your differences aside.

“I know this is not easy to do. But you must cease provoking each other. You must resist becoming angry when you are provoked.” Splinter frowned solemnly. “You are ruining Christmas for this entire family, and that is unfair.”

Don and Raph avoided Splinter’s eyes; Raph gazed at some distant speck of airborne dust, and Don stared at the floor.

“You must promise that you will try to do this. If not for each other, than for the rest of us.” Don and Raph nodded, slowly. Splinter wasn’t threatening them with punishment if they didn’t agree to promise, but Splinter didn’t need threats. The tone of disappointment and reproach in his voice was enough to shame them and make them want to do anything to change it to approval-even making this promise.

“I-I promise,” Don told the floor.

“Promise,” Raph mumbled.

“Please, my sons,” Splinter said evenly. He didn’t finish his plea, but Donatello and Raphael heard it anyway. Please do not disappoint me.

* * *

The others were shocked at how easily Don and Raph seemed to drop their enmity. They hadn’t really dropped it, of course, they had just buried it. But they managed to have conversations that stayed off the taboo subject of religion, and everyone was breathing easier.

Leo was particularly surprised at the excellence of Splinter’s strategy. Their respect for him and the remorse he made them feel for their actions made them able to tolerate each other. Between lunch and dinner, there were a few close calls. But each time one of the two said something rude, the other managed to remember his promise and keep his anger in check.

The fighting was over. For now.

* * *

Mike hummed as he measured peanut butter into his second batch of cookies.

“Hey,” Raph said, coming into the kitchen. “What smells so good?” He snagged three of the cookies from the plate and took a huge bite. “Mmmm, peanut butter.” Mike glared, and went to the oven. He removed another tray of cookies and set it on a cooling rack on the counter, turning just in time to slap Raph’s hand away from the rack.

“Raph! There won’t be any left for Christmas!” Hearing his sensei entering the kitchen, he said, “Master Splinter! Tell Raphael to stop scarfing my cookies!” He whirled to catch Splinter briskly knocking the crumbs from his fingers.

“Mmf wofrgh Mmiskllanlo,” the rat said sheepishly. Mike yelped in rage.

“That’s IT! Out! Everybody out! Including you!” he yelled at Leo and April, who were standing in the doorway, watching and trying to muffle their giggles as Mike worked himself into a rage.

“Geez, Mike, don’t burst a vein,” suggested Leo.

“Yeah, mellow out, Mike.” Raph crammed another cookie into his mouth as Mike took a swing at him with a spatula. He sprinted for he door, saying around the food, “Goin’ out, see ya later.”

Raph chuckled wickedly as he wandered away from the house. He loved riling Mike up; and his cookies were fabulous! He didn’t know why, but he felt compelled to wander further than usual tonight. The moon was so bright that he didn’t need a flashlight, and the snow was falling very lightly; it was beautiful. Walking through the snow, Raph found himself aiming toward the highway. Why? Who cares, he thought, and went on. Walking the small embankment directly beside the road, Raph reflected, C’mon, Raph, should you be walking this close to a road, even at night? A pause. Noooo..... He could almost hear Leo scolding him now. “Raph, you know better than that. You coulda been seen! How could you endanger us all like that?” he mimicked in a whiny voice. And on and on. What a dork.

A car suddenly was shooting down his stretch of highway. It’s stopping! Hoping he hadn’t been spotted, Raph threw himself down the embankment into a ditch. Laying silently in the ditch, he heard crunching footsteps. Unable to resist a peek, he peered over the small hill. A man, heavily muffled, carried a small bundle over to the side of the road and put it down. Raph was puzzled, until he saw the bundle moving. His blood boiled. How could anyone be so cruel? He just barely kept himself from rushing out of hiding. He was dying to punch this guy out for abandoning small animals (probably cats or dogs) on the roadside to die. He managed to restrain himself until the guy had climbed back into his car and driven away.

He almost cried when he saw it: two small pups, lying cold and stiff on the now soaked blanket, and a third whimpering as it crawled helplessly about. Raph studied it. It was a mutt with shaggy black fur and pointed ears. He could easily see why the dogs had been abandoned: they were small, but their paws were enormous! If they had lived, they would have grown far too large to cope with. Raph snarled in rage, wishing the man was standing right there with him. He felt liking tearing his bastard throat out. He scooped up the one living dog, a little male which promptly sank his tiny teeth into Raph’s gloved hand.

“Spunky little kid, ain’t ya?” he asked it. Poor thing. He would probably live, with the right care. But he was pretty young and it would be hard to- What am I thinking? What would the guys say if I come home with a puppy? Raph thought. I know exactly what they’d say. They’d say I was going soft! Tough-guy Raphael and a puppy? Oh, please. But there was no way he could leave the small puppy here to freeze to death. Raph wished he could bury the other two, but the ground was too hard and he would need a shovel. He turned slowly, pulled off his scarf. It had been a gift from Shadow last year, and was more than big enough to wrap the puppy up in. Raph headed back to the house.

* * *

He paused just before he reached the back steps, putting the puppy in his jacket and zipping it up partway. He slipped into the kitchen, relieved to see that Mike had finished his baking. Raph looked at the clock and realized with his surprise that his walk had taken nearly two hours! He opened the fridge.

“Raph?” Mike yelled from the living room.

“Yeah?” Raph’s heart skipped a beat. Was he getting up?

“Touch the cookies and die.”

“Believe it,” supplied Leo, walking past the kitchen door and rubbing his arm. “Cooking’s not the only thing he can do with a spatula.” Raph laughed at his rueful grin. As soon as Leo had settled down in front of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” Raph grabbed a half-empty carton of milk, poured some into a saucepan, and located an eyedropper in the first aid kit. How do I know all this stuff? Comes of reading too many sappy books about dying animals. Bah! Gotta remember to stay outta Leo’s bookcase. He waited anxiously while the milk heated, glancing toward the door and dreading that someone might come in and ask what he was doing. Finally, he judged the milk was warm enough, poured it into a plastic bowl, and took off up the back stairs as fast as he was able without slopping.

In his room, with the door safely locked, Raph got the puppy out. He’s so cold! Jumping up, he raced back downstairs for a blanket, then down again for a water bottle and hot water. Don wandered in for a bag of chips and glanced at him strangely.

“Having a baby, Raph?”

“Haha. Wise ass,” grumbled Raph uneasily. Thankfully the water was done and he filled the bottle and returned to his room. Don shook his head as he returned to his brothers and handed the chips to Mike.

“What’s with Raph? He’s sure acting weird.”

Mike’s eyes didn’t move from the screen. “Raph’s always acting weird.” Mike shoved a handful of chips in his mouth. Don sighed and sat down. “Shh, this is the best part.”

Raph located an old box he hadn’t used when wrapping presents, wrapped up the water bottle in one of Casey’s old, ripped shirts, and placed it in the box with the blanket. Then he held the puppy in his arms, carefully cradling him as he filled the eyedropper with milk and worked it into the puppy’s mouth. He chuckled softly. What would Casey say if he could see me now? Probably drop his teeth. Huh. I AM getting soft in my old age. Finally, he couldn’t get the puppy to take any more milk. Setting aside the bowl, he held the puppy to his chest, feeling the tiny heart beating rapidly.

“Damn, you’re cute,” he said with a sigh. “What am I gonna call you?” He studied the puppy’s small body. “Rover? King? Duke? Blackie?” The puppy looked up at him and yawned. Raph chuckled. “No, huh?” He zeroed in on the large paws and inspiration struck. “How about Taiwam?” Since he’d met the X-men a while back, Jubilee had been struggling to learn Shi’ar from Professor Xavier. Raph, hanging around during her lessons, had managed to pick some of it up. ‘Taiwam’ meant, roughly translated, ‘huge.’ He grinned as the puppy licked his hand and drifted off to sleep. “Taiwam, then.”

There was a knock on the door. “Raph?” Don called. “Casey’s making us watch ‘Terminator 2’ now. Wanna watch?” Raph’s eyes were glued to the sleeping puppy as he laid it in the box and covered it over with the blanket.

“No thanks.” Don frowned as he walked away. Raph never missed an opportunity to watch the Terminator. What was up?