30Inspired by a late night of getting lost in Wikipedia. The important article is at the bottom of the story- and also at the bottom of the plot.
TMNT is the cash-cow of Mirage. Wikipedia is the Free Online Encyclopedia, and everyone should donate a dollar or two to them.
Bottoms Up
"Look, all I'm saying is, let me have a look and see if-"
"Get away from me with that, or I'll kill ya, I swear it, Don! I ain't lettin' you touch me with that thing!"
"But guys! Think of the POSSIBILITIES!"
Leo looked sick.
"I'd rather not think of it at all," he said, the queasiness in his voice as unmistakable as it was surprising. This was a ninja who had killed- but what Don proposed was too much. "You're talking about an entirely different species. And besides, we've mutated. Many of our turtle parts aren't really turtle parts, if you get my meaning."
"Come on, guys!" Don's pleading took on a slightly Mike-ish tone. He gestured with the medical tool he was holding. "Think of it! If this feature is present in US, we could use it to our ninja advantage! We'd not be limited by nor weighted down with unneeded equipment! We could have the distinct advantage over every one of Karai's ninja!"
"Well, it would explain why I can blow bubbles in the tub," Mike mused (seriously, I'm not kidding, he MUSED).
"No, Mike, it would not," Don replied, a sour look upon his face. "Come ON! SOMEONE let me look-"
"Don, yer outta yer mind, and that's final! NO one is stickin' anythin' up my ass ta see if I can breathe under water!"
"Donatello, what makes you think that this... feature... exists in you four?" Splinter looked up from the computer screen that his son had been fixated on ever since coming across the information.
"Well... I don't know... but how CAN I know if I can't examine someone?" His argument sounded good to himself. It sounded excellent, in fact, well-thought out and rational and most importantly, IMPORTANT!
Of course, he WAS operating at the moment on his fourth pot of coffee and his second day of little sleep...
"Besides, we're water turtles! And if THIS water turtle can take in water like that and extract oxygen with special gills, then why not us?"
Mike almost... ALMOST... volunteered. Then he came to his senses and decided that his cat needed feeding. He made his stealthy escape just before Don turned to lure him with an offer of "pizza and movies and video games- where did Mike go?"
"He's smarter than I thought," Raph replied, and prepared to leave himself. "I'm off ta' Casey's, Sensei, and please don't say no 'cause I'm gonna have to disobey ya on that." And he was gone before the Rat could properly respond.
Don turned Hopeful Eyes on Leo.
"No."
"But Leo..."
"But Leo nothing... including Leo's butt," he added, absurdly pleased with his little joke. Shame Mike wasn't around, he would have appreciated that one. "You need to get some sleep. I'm going to dump all the coffee we have, and I'm going to make sure that only Decaf enters this home from now on. And I think you need to be banned from Wikipedia for a week!" And Fearless (in most things) Leader beat a hasty retreat from the lab. Determined Donatello could be a dangerous and powerful turtle once he was set on proving something.
Don stared at the proctoscope in his hands. He'd had it for years, and now- NOW, when he finally had a chance to use it, no one was willing.
Splinter gazed at his disappointed son. Don gazed back, defeated. Was there no one willing to help him discover if they, too, had gill-like structures that could extract oxygen from the water and help them stay submerged?
Nope- there was just him and his dear old dad, who was favoring him with such Sympathy and Understanding-
As a certain hopeful "light" began to dawn on the face of the turtle, the Wise Rat suddenly remembered that he was needed in the kitchen.
"But Sensei! YOU could-"
"I am sorry, my son, but technology beyond the remote control escapes me. Turn off that computer and go to bed!"
Defeated and Dejected Donatello sank down onto his chair. He forlornly gazed at the computer screen, reading once again the tantalizing information that could be so helpful to them all.
Irwin's Turtle, (Elseya irwini), is a species of Australian turtle.
This species of turtle is unique in that it can breathe underwater by taking water into its cloaca. A chamber with gill-like structures situated in the cloaca extracts oxygen; this enables the turtle to stay underwater for long periods without taking a breath.*
Then he picked up his phone and dialed.
"Hello, April? Are you busy?"
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*Borrowed from the Wikipedia entry "Irwin's Turtle"- we miss ya, Steve