35This is a possible one-shot. I might develop it further, then again I might not. Thanks to my beta reader Machias Banshee! TMNT are owned by Mirage- hey! Mikey in the Battle Nexus Rematch totally ROCKED!
Conflict
Splinter sat by Donatello's bed, dozing.
It had been two weeks since his brothers had brought him home, battered into unconsciousness in a meaningless battle with some Foot who were operating under the command of one of the former lieutenants of the Shredder. Despite the fact that his other sons had dealt with this small rogue group in a decidedly fatal manner, Donatello had been badly injured by a careless mistake on Leonardo's part- a careless mistake that he was torturing himself with night and day by roaming the city, refusing to even take his turn in caring for his injured brother- refusing even to speak to him during meals, during training, during anything!
Fortunately Donatello had regained consciousness several hours upon being brought home, but he had been hurt badly, and Splinter and the others still found themselves sitting with him at times.
He remembered the shock he'd felt as they came in, bloody and battered, Leonardo carrying a limp Donatello as if he were a sleeping child; the trail of blood from the makeshift bandage, formerly Leonardo's bandana indicating just how deep the wound was.
"My sons!" he had exclaimed, and they'd made their hasty way to the "infirmary" so Splinter could get to work. "Who attacked you?"
He was so busy for a moment, getting the supplies, that it didn't register to him that no one was forthcoming with the details.
He turned and faced his obviously reluctant sons. Michelangelo was staring at Donatello, desperately trying to avoid his father's questioning eyes. Raphael, tense, angry, hands clenching and unclenching as if still in the middle of a battle, stared directly at Leonardo.
And Leonardo?
He was keeping a steady pressure on the leg wound of his brother. His mouth was set in a tight frown, and Splinter could see that he was fighting some inner battle. But he refused to answer his father's question.
"Leonardo! What happened? You were only supposed to be training. Were you set upon by the Foot?"
"More like Leo attacked them!" Raph, losing his own inner battle, had spat the words out with all the force of a physical punch with a fist.
Splinter, looking again at the sleeping Donatello, recalled Raphael's story, and once again had to quell his angry feeling at his oldest son's foolish- no, suicidal actions!
Donatello's leg had been badly cut during the fight, and despite the care of Splinter an infection had set in. The infection was being fought with some success, but Don was still feverish and weak at times- he would be up for a few days, training harder than was good for him, and then the infection would kick up again, the fever would return, and he'd be back in bed, ill. Still, the rest of the outer physical wounds were healing.
But who knew what dwelt on the inside? He had realized within twenty-four hours that his brother would have nothing to do with him, and Splinter had finally discovered just recently that Donatello had internalized this to mean that HE had failed by being beaten; that Leonardo was angry with him. He'd discovered this through a fever-dream, where Donatello was talking in his sleep, pleading for his brother's understanding and apologizing for being so careless!
This explained to Splinter why Donatello had been trying to train so much while still ill. Splinter had finally banned his son from training. This last collapse had been the final straw as it were. Leonardo had been present, and yet had immediately fled the Lair once they had gotten Donatello back to bed.
Fled the Lair!
"How can he act so dishonorably?" he ferociously said aloud for the umpteenth time tonight. "I though I had raised him better than this!"
Donatello, disturbed by the sudden angry outburst, stirred restlessly, mumbling something about Leonardo. Splinter patted him and spoke softly in Japanese as he had used to when they were so little and he wanted them to sleep through illness, and after a few minutes, Donatello settled back into peaceful slumber.
Splinter calmed himself one more time at the thought of Leonardo's fleeing the Lair!
We must solve this problem, but Leonardo has been deliberately avoiding me, he thought, gazing once again at Donatello. I have had enough. There is going to be a reckoning tonight come hell or high water, and no matter how exhausted either one of us are, we are going to settle this as Master and Student in the dojo!
The sound of the door opening and closing clued him to the fact that Raphael had returned from his specific mission. He sat by his sick son's bed, waiting for the second eldest to come to him to report.
Raphael didn't keep him waiting.
"He'll be here," he assured Splinter before he could ask. "I made sure of it. He has promised on his honor to return at the appointed hour. He gave me this as his assurance," and he handed Splinter one of Leo's katana.
Splinter accepted this token, and kept his heart hard. Leonardo may have changed since their adventure with the Shredder, but he kept his word regardless.
"Michelangelo understands?
"Hai, Sensei. He will stay with Don, keep him from finding out."
Splinter nodded, eyes on Donatello's sleeping face.
"He is better, but still ill. I know that this eats at him. I tell him over and over, 'Leonardo is not blaming you; Leonardo blames himself'. But I know that he is not listening."
"He's listening, Father," Raph said softly, placing a supportive hand on Splinter's shoulder. "He's just- well, he's not himself. He's ill, like you said. If he was well, he'd sit up and tell you that he understood all that, that he knew Leo was being an ass- I mean, not blaming him."
Splinter allowed himself a small smile at Raphael's words, and put his own hand on top of his son's, squeezing it in appreciation.
"Though I disapprove of the language, I completely agree with the sentiment. I wish I could figure out..." and he left the wish unspoken. He had wished it enough in the past few months as Leonardo's behavior grew more reckless.
"I've tried and tried to get him to open up," Raph frowned, and Splinter could feel the anger his second oldest was feeling course through his hand into Splinter's own. "I've tried, since I thought maybe I understood. But he just- he just-" and his own frustration prevented him from fully articulating exactly what he was feeling towards Leonardo.
Splinter squeezed Raphael's hand again, this time in fatherly comfort, and Raph returned the pressure. Then he stood, and with one final parental tucking in of the blanket, left to prepare himself for the coming confrontation.
Leo, standing on the roof of April's building, stared into the night sky at nothing.
What was wrong with him? He had been beating himself up for some time over his perceived failure where the Shredder was concerned; he had led his family into a situation where death was the only solution, and no matter how much Splinter told him to let it go, that it was not his fault, that if anyone could truly be held accountable it was Splinter himself for involving them all in his vision- he still felt that he had failed his family.
Recent events had not helped erase this feeling. He'd become increasingly careless, increasingly vengeful- increasingly distant from the very family he swore to himself he was protecting.
In his mind he saw the fight:
It was a stupid fight. Raph had warned him repeatedly.
"This is just that whole gang war thing all over again, Leo! It ain't our fight!"
But Leo had made it their fight- by butting in.
And in the heat of battle, he had almost lost his life-
And then Don was there, blocking the attack, dealing out defense right left and center while absorbing the most incredible amount of punishment-
And Leo still kept trying to do as he wanted-
Until a gurgling cry came from his brother, and he turned in time to see Don, bloodied, beaten, unconscious, about to be gutted-
He hit himself at the memory of rescuing the brother who had rescued him.
What is wrong with me?
He stared down, over the edge of the building, recalling how he'd been avoiding Don these past few weeks.
He still hadn't found the words he needed to apologize to his brother with. "I'm so sorry" was not going to cut it. He needed to apologize, and yet he hadn't.
He snorted mirthlessly as he realized that he needed to apologize for not having apologized.
Why hadn't he apologized yet?
Leo took a deep breath.
And now he had been summoned to a meeting with Splinter; a formal request- no, command, to be in the dojo at a specific time for a specific purpose. Raph had made it sound so official, Leo wondered for a brief moment if he were about to be stripped of his leadership title. It would be like Splinter to not only do so, but to do it in this way.
And if this were the case, could he really blame his father? After all, he had been leading them into more and more dangerous things...
... like into a situation where the only solution was to agree that they all needed to sacrifice themselves to defeat Shredder.
More deep breaths; more guilt; more self-hate.
He deliberately kept Karai out of his mind. He did not want to go there tonight. He refused to go there tonight!
Karai- who had caught him unawares; who had caught him off-guard; who had acted so dishonorably-
With a rough cry of fresh anger, he bolted from the roof and headed home to this meeting that he had pledged on his honor to attend.
It was strange entering the dojo at night. He had done it before when he needed to calm down by working out; to prepare himself for meditation and rest after stressful events. But this night it was strange.
Splinter's words had been adamant:
"Appear in the dojo tonight. Ten o'clock sharp. Do not be late. And if you do not show up- I will never see you again."
Now here he was- and so was Raph. His brother stood at ease, leaning against the wall near the weapons rack, but there was nothing on his face to indicate what this was about.
Frankly, Leo had expected this brother to be smirking at what was about to come; that he was noncommittal, unemotional made this all the more strange. Leo actually began to feel nervous.
He didn't want to be stripped of leadership. But increasingly the little voice inside his head was whispering that when they left that room, Raph was going to be taking over.
Splinter sat in the middle of the dojo floor, as if in meditation. Across his knees was the katana that Leo had sent back as his assurance of being there. Fear of being removed from leadership was starting to mix with anger, as he gazed upon his father, sitting there as if mourning his passing.
"Good. I am glad that you have kept your word," Splinter said, eyes still closed. "At least you have retained some shred of honor. I had feared that you had allowed it all to escape you."
Leo felt as if he'd been slapped. He, not have honor? What the hell?
Splinter opened his eyes and looked at his eldest. He could detect the fear, the anger, the misery and the confusion on Leonardo. But he kept his heart hard. He still couldn't detect one shred of remorse. Not yet.
"I have summoned you here, Leonardo, so that we may put an end to this current situation, one way or another. You must make a decision tonight that will affect your very standing in this family. You must either be a part of us, or go the rest of your life as your own master."
"What do you mean, my own master?" Leo finally asked. "What do you mean, be a part of us? I am a part of this family. I will always be a part of this family. When have I asked to be my own master?"
"You have been asking for some months now," Splinter replied. "Every action of yours since our return from our final confrontation with the Shredder has asked- no, has demanded, that you be allowed to live your own life by your own rules. You have become careless in this desire to be free of your obligations to the safety of this family. You have become obsessed with being your own master, to the point where you question me even in matters of training. You give me the distinct impression that you are past my being able to train. You wish to be your own master. Very well. Tonight we shall have a decision on whether you will become what you seek."
Now Splinter stood, and tossed the katana to his son. Leo instinctively caught it, eyes still on Splinter. The rat made a motion to Raphael, who tossed a bokken from the rack to his father. Splinter made a few practice swings, getting ready for the coming lesson he was going to teach tonight.
The final lesson in all probability, he thought to himself, as he put the bokken through its paces.
The familiar soft swoosh of the wooden sword slicing through the air echoed in Leo's ears, sounding harsh and loud for some reason. He heard his own pulse beat begin to quicken as he watched Splinter limber up as if preparing for battle.
Leonardo looked confused, as well as frightened and hurt.
"Do you mean we are going to spar?"
"No, we are going to decide your place in this family."
The reply was cold. Leo could never remember his father ever sounding so cold to any of them, not even at their worst moments in their long history as a family.
He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, still watching Splinter perform a few katas. He felt edgy, nervous...
... scared...
"I don't understand..."
"I believe you do understand," Splinter cut him off abruptly, standing perfectly still except for the angry slow swishing of his tail, directly facing him, staring into his eyes. "These are the choices that lay before you. We will duel here and now, until one is declared winner. If you lose, then you will be my son, my student, and the leader of your brothers. If you win- then you will become what you have already been pretending to be- you will be your own master. You will no longer need to be part of this clan, this school, or this family. You will be free to come and go as you please, but you will only have food and shelter. You will be free from all of your obligations to us."
Leo, already looking as if he'd been hit, started to get angry. His hands clenched the handle of the katana until his knuckles turned a very pale green. His own eyes began to flash with his growing rage as he faced his father who stood there, poised for battle, with a calm determined expression on his face; only the slowly swishing tail and the occasional twitching of his whiskers showed his displeasure.
This was so stupid! What the hell was wrong with everyone tonight? He looked at Raph, who should by all rights be straining to keep the glee at his possible humiliation from his face. Yet Raph was exhibiting no emotion whatsoever- already practicing perhaps to be the new leader?
And Splinter- Well, Splinter was clearly out of his mind! He wanted to duel with his son? With Leonardo? NOT spar, but duel! He could feel the strong emotions that had been plaguing him for months begin to flare up into the coming explosion. He had wanted to keep his cool, but now he couldn't tolerate this any longer. What kind of stupid mind game was Splinter playing?
"Why are you treating me like this?" he suddenly shouted, and his voice carried to Don's room. The anger burst forth in every syllable- Leo could feel the words issuing from his mouth, rather than hear them Even he didn't recognize his own voice, but that didn't matter. "Have I asked to be relieved of my obligations? Have I asked to be free from this family? Everything I do, EVERYTHING I do, I do for this family!"
"NO!" Splinter shouted back, and even Raph was stunned- Splinter rarely yelled. "Everything you do, you do for LEONARDO!"
The silence was more disturbing than the confrontation. Leo stood there, thunderstruck.
"You blame yourself for what happened on Shredder's ship," Splinter angrily continued, beginning to circle Leo, bokken at the ready. "You blame yourself, in spite of my telling you time and again that it was not your fault; that if there is any blame, IT IS MINE!"
Leo and Raph both flinched at the force of those words. Splinter continued moving around Leo, who was not sure if Splinter were going to attack without warning, or run this by the rules of the dojo.
"But you selfishly refuse to let this go," he continued, eyes boring into his son's. "In essence, Shredder has defeated you. He is gone, but you insist on this self-destructive behavior. You have put yourself at risk for your own personal satisfaction! This is unforgivable as it is. But now you put your brothers at risk for these same reasons! I have had enough!" and he suddenly slammed the bokken against the heavy bag, making a loud noise and causing the chain to creak loudly in protest. Then he turned towards Leo, taking a deep, controlling breath.
"You are free from this family- but only if you defeat me here in the dojo. If you leave without this combat, we will not see you again. If you defeat me, you will still be able to live here- but you will no longer be under any obligations! And if I defeat you, then you will drop this insane behavior and take up your true self."
Splinter threw his walking stick from him, and firmly grasped the bokken, ready for combat. Leo faced him with the katana that Splinter had returned to him. He made a move to put it away and take the other bokken, but Splinter barked a sharp "No!", startling him.
"You will use the weapon I chose for you; the weapon I trained you in!" Splinter insisted. "You will face me with the weapon that you have 'mastered' to perfection. It is only fitting," he added bitterly to himself; what he meant he refused to share with his sons, however.
Leo, never taking his eyes off of Splinter, slowly nodded, and stood ready for the command.
Raphael was the referee. He waited until he was sure both parties were ready.
"Begin!" he snapped, and Leo was almost caught off-guard by Splinter. The speed had not been so surprising as the ferocity of his Sensei's attack! Splinter meant business, Leo belatedly realized, and he fought as he had been taught, parrying blows, returning move for move.
"Mikey? What's going on?" Don, waking up, was confused. He didn't remember going to bed. He'd been training...
Then he remembered. He'd collapsed. Stupid weak Donatello had failed again. He'd collapsed, and when he'd woke up from that, Splinter had told him he was banned from training.
Another failure.
Mikey, sitting in the room with him, smiled in reassurance.
"Hey, ready for some tasty meds to help with this stubborn illness?" and he held a bowl of bitter tea mixed with the stuff Splinter used for infections and fever.
Don sat up, eyeing the bowl warily. The last thing he remembered was drinking something like this, just after Splinter had banned him from training- then he had fallen asleep apparently.
He looked into Mikey's grinning face.
"What's going on? Why are you trying to drug me?"
Mikey's grin never wavered, but the look in his eyes gave him away.
"Naw, Donnie boy! Come on! Would I do such a thing to my favorite bro in the whole wide world?"
"If Splinter told you to, yes you would," Don said, refusing the proffered bowl. "And I'm not your favorite bro in the whole wide world, Raph is."
Michelangelo's face was a study in exaggerated injury. His eyes reflected hurt; his mouth trembled in a frown that verged on tears. He even sniffled just a bit.
"Donatello! I'm shocked, shocked do you hear me?" he huffed, managing at the same time to get some almost tearful quality into his voice as he spoke. "I'm flabbergasted! I'm stunned. I'm-"
"Overacting," Don replied.
Mikey, with an insulted "Huh!", pointedly handed the bowl to his brother.
Don sat up more in the bed and studied the contents closely. Sipping in a small amount, he held it in his mouth, analyzing the contents. There's the tea; there's the bitter herbs. After a few minutes, he carefully swallowed it, and waited. Normally, when Splinter had slipped a soporific into their meds, his tongue would numb up after a minute or two. So far, it was normal. He decided that Mikey had been telling the truth, and downed the bowl.
"That's a good little Donatello!" Mikey beamed, handing him a glass of water to help wash down the aftertaste. "See? The stuff that helps you sleep wasn't in the meds after all."
Don abruptly spat out what water was still in his mouth. Too late, he realized that Mikey had managed to get him to drink the sleeping potion after all.
"I will get you for this, Michelangelo," Don vowed. Then he forced himself out of bed, wobbly but determined.
"Whoa, where do you think you're going?" Mikey's voice took on a note of nervous concern.
"Bathroom, shell-for-brains," Don replied, grabbing his bo and using it for support. His legs felt like jelly, and for a second he thought that he was going to fall backwards into bed. But his trembling legs held him up for the moment. "Since my family keeps drugging me, I figure I'd do them the favor of not wetting the bed while in a medicated stupor."
He slowly started towards the door, his feet barely dragging, his arms straining as he held the bo as a large walking stick. He began to feel the effects of the fever; it must have gone up again. No matter, he really needed to use that bathroom, fever or no.
"Ummmm... How 'bout I bring you the potty?" Mikey eagerly offered, blocking Don's way, a steadying hand on one arm. "I could go get that potty pan or that bottle thingie that April got for our infirmary. None of us has ever used them before- you could be first! You know how you love trying out new things!" And he tried to guide Don back to bed- but Don, weak as he was, didn't budge.
Don noted the panicked look in Mikey's eye. He could hear the desperate cheerfulness in his tone of voice as he tried to talk his brother into peeing into a bottle.
"Mikey, there is no way short of badly broken legs that I am going to whizz into some plastic container," Don affirmed. "And besides, you were the first to use that thing anyway, when you're legs were badly broken. Remember?"
"Please! I would rather not think about that," Mikey replied sincerely, shuddering at the memory. "It was a totally humiliating experience, especially the first time."
"Yes, it was rather funny, April having to talk you through the process," Don allowed himself a smile. "But YOU didn't have to clean it; I did. That is a job I do not wish on any of you- not even Leo." And he slowly moved past his brother, determined to get downstairs to the bathroom.
Mikey made one more attempt. He took a firmer hold of Don's arm, partly supporting, partly restraining him.
"Look! Master Splinter said to keep you in your room for now!"
Don stopped, looking at his desperate brother.
"Why?"
At that moment, a shout reached his room:
"Why are you treating me like this?" They both heard Leo, faint but clear.
Don looked again at Mikey.
"Ummmm..." was all the youngest brother could manage. Don, weak as he was, drugged as he was, flushed with fever, wrested his arm out of his brother's firm grasp and pushed his way past Mikey.
Outside of his room, he could hear the confrontation from the dojo. Once again he looked at Mikey. The look on his face asked his question for him.
Mikey sighed.
"Splinter is having it out with Leo about how he's been acting lately," he said. "We're not to interfere."
"Where's Raph?"
"In there, as the witness. And that's all I know. They wouldn't tell me anything else." And he bit his tongue, hoping that Don would believe him.
All Splinter has to do is surrender, Leo thought. He had cut Splinter with his katana- had drawn first blood, usually the signal that the bout was over and that the winner had been decided. He had caught him a good blow on the upper arm, neatly slicing without doing any lasting damage. His control had been perfect!
He stood there, breathing hard, hearing the sound of his own panting intermingled with the similar breathing pattern of his father. He could taste the familiar coppery presence of blood in his mouth- Splinter had landed a powerful backhanded blow across his face when Leo had sliced him, and he had involuntarily bit the inside of his cheek hard!
His heart was pounding in his ears as he watched the blood appear on Splinter's hand. He swore that he could smell it, smell it along with the anger and fear and sweat and grief.
He could smell his father's blood, and it disturbed him to no end. He could smell his father's blood!
All he has to do is surrender, and I will be the winner- and be free from this family.
NOT that Leo wanted that.
When I win, I will insist on being part of this family, he kept thinking. They will not be rid of me. I will not honor the agreement. All he has to do is surrender.
Now the blood was seeping from his father, making little splatters here and there on the floor as it ran down his arm, soaking his sleeve, staining the brown material even darker with its redness.
All he has to do is surrender.
But Splinter refused to do so; he refused to allow the challenge to be ended so easily.
Splinter, looking into Leonardo's face, read his thoughts. He smiled grimly at his son and shook his head slightly.
"The only way out of here is total defeat of one by the other!" he exclaimed, launching himself in a magnificent leap at Leonardo and landing several stunning blows in the process. Leo was driven across the room by the force of the attack; his father's blood spattered onto him as he was knocked off balance by the power of that expertly wielded wooden sword.
Leo recovered quickly, and attacked again and again with his own anger, blocking, being blocked, dodging, ducking, rolling, slicing- and he drew blood again! This time the slice had appeared on his father's cheek, just below the eye.
And still Splinter wouldn't surrender.
Leo, with an angry cry, prepared to attack once more.
"LEO!" Don's voice cut through the dojo. A furious green blur launched itself directly at him, intercepting his advance on his father. A powerful blow to the plastron, a quick follow-through sweep of the legs, and Leo suddenly found himself lying on his shell, a Bo staff pinning him to the floor.
Don was breathing hard with shock and anger and adrenaline rush.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he screamed, as Mikey tried to restrain him- but Don tossed him off like so much nothing.
"Donatello, you are interf-" Splinter, angry and concerned, tried to intervene, but Don rounded on his father with just as much anger and grief for him as his brother.
"Why are you taking this punishment?" he bellowed at Splinter.
Raph drew in a sharp breath at Don's reaction- he'd never seen him so angry! Splinter's ears went back and flat at the force with which this son had addressed him. He, as well, was stunned by the emotion Donatello was exhibiting. Mikey, tense, tried to decide if he stood a chance of restraining Don, of dragging him out of here.
"Don, it's okay! Really! Come on, bro-" he tried to calm Don down, but Donatello was not to be messed with. The glare he turned on Raph resulted in the older turtle's stunned silence.
"Don," Leo tried- it was the first time in two weeks that he'd directly spoken to his brother. He flinched at the fire in the glare that was suddenly directed at him again. "Don, it's- it's a mistake. We were just practicing. You- you've been ill. You're not- you're not seeing this for what it is. We were just practicing, and it got a little out of hand."
"Liar! You were sparring- no, you were dueling! You've drawn blood and yet you've kept dueling! I know what is up! I'm not stupid, you know!" And now Don addressed the entire family, putting on a sneering tone of voice that he attributed to their treatment of him. " 'Poor Don, he's so sensitive! He's a genius but he just doesn't understand. Let's keep him out of it. Blah-blah-blah'."
Then he looked again at Leo. "Look, I can't help it I got smacked down! Stop blaming me for not being the great Leonardo!"
Then he looked at his bleeding father.
"I can take care of myself, Sensei! I don't need you fighting my battles!"
"This is not just your battle," Splinter returned calmly. "This is Leonardo's. This is Raphael's and Michelangelo's. This is mine. You think I fight for only you, but I am fighting for my entire family. I am fighting to save my family- even if it means losing one son." And his eyes were now on Leo, still lying on the floor, though he could have easily gotten away from Don at any time. His younger brother was still a bit wobbly from his latest bout with infection and fever, and already Leo could see his legs shaking from the activity.
Leonardo realized that this was stupid.
Finally realized.
Finally.
He got up, watching Don who was now supporting himself with his staff, refusing all help.
He carefully lay his katana on the floor in front of Splinter, stepped back, and knelt down, bowing to the floor in submission.
In Japanese, because it was more meaningful and expressive, he addressed his father.
"Otousan, I have acted without honor or thought for my safety or the safety of my family. I am ashamed of my behavior, and I beg you, Otousan, and you my brothers, for forgiveness. I swear on my honor that I will do my best to make you proud of me once again.">And he rose, bowed to each of them, then knelt down and bowed down to the floor.
"I swear that I... I will try... no, I will do my best to change," he ended in English, eyes still on the floor. "I don't know if I can be what I used to be- everything is still so confusing to me. But I swear that I will try."
The only sounds in the dojo were the sounds of the others, waiting for the decision of their master. Leonardo knew that he could not move until Splinter acknowledged his apology or else left the room, ignoring his son in the process. Leo felt the sweat of nervous anticipation crawling down his neck; he could hear the weak cough of Don, the restless shuffling of Mikey's feet. He could hear what he thought was Raph whispering something to Splinter, but the words were too faint for him to make out.
Mostly he could hear his heart once again pounding in his ears.
Splinter after what seemed an eternity, spoke.
"Very well. Begin by assisting Donatello back to his room," he said, as Raphael moved to help Splinter leave the dojo to tend to his wounds. "And- convince him of the fact that you do not blame him."
Leo looked up in belated shock at the face of Don.
The others left the two alone.
As Leo got up, Don sat down, hard, unable to stand any longer. The exertion, the fever, and the drugs were taking their toll on his weakened system. Leo stared at his brother, realizing the meaning of Splinter's words. Don thought that Leo-
Don!
Leo sighed deeply at his callowness towards his brother. He had a vivid memory of tying his own bandana around the deep wound, of carrying Don himself, refusing the help of the others, the fear that he was carrying home a dead brother- and it was all his fault.
He had silently pleaded with him all the long, frightening way home to "just hang on, we're almost there, don't you dare leave me"- and then he had ignored him- avoided him- out of selfish guilt!
"Don, I... I don't blame you for anything," Leo finally said, sitting next to him. "I don't understand why you thought that. I'm the one who's to blame. I almost got you killed! I- I just couldn't face you, failing you like that." His voice, strong in the beginning, ended in a whisper. Damn! His brother thought-! DAMN!
Don looked at his brother as if realizing for the first time that someone was there; someone who hadn't been there before. His eyes strayed from Leo's face to the ragged spot in his shell where the chunk was missing. It seemed to Don that a lot of Leo was lost with that piece of shell.
"Doesn't make sense," Don murmured, shaking his head, as if Leo hadn't spoken. "It isn't like we haven't been injured before. It's not like we all aren't missing pieces."
"Don?"
Don looked into Leo's face, startled back to the present.
"Look, I can't help that I am not the great warrior you seem to be," he started as if that was the topic all this time.
"Don!" Leo grabbed his brother by the shoulders and shook him abruptly. "I'm sorry! I felt guilty for getting you injured! I was ashamed to face you! I was wrong! I need you to forgive me!"
Don looked as if he was going to argue, but Leo wouldn't let him.
"I am sorry! I never should have gotten involved in that fight, I never should have dragged you all into it, I never should have been so damn careless that I needed rescuing!"
"It looked like you were trying to commit suicide," Don said softly. Leo, still holding onto Don, could feel the fever in his brother. He didn't need to see the strange shining of his eyes to know. "It's been like that for months now, Leo. It's like you do this stuff hoping to die. I don't want you to die. I have to stop you." And his voice kept getting softer and softer as exhaustion and infection took its toll on his body, and the drug in his body responded by forcing sleep to overtake him.
Leo took Don's weight against him and picked him up off the floor, half walking, half carrying him out of the dojo and over to the couch. There was no way he was going to get Don upstairs- heck Don's legs folded completely barely three steps out of the dojo, and Leo picked him up like a child in his arms, carrying him the rest of the way to his destination. He made him comfortable on the "guest bed". It didn't take long for him to grab a blanket and an extra pillow from upstairs and see to Don.
Don was still sort of awake, but it was a struggle. He didn't want to sleep- not yet. He looked at Leo. There was so much he needed to yell at him, but at the moment, the words wouldn't come out.
"Damn," he managed, so exhausted that it took a lot of effort just to swear. "This isn't over, Leo. I'm so not letting you die. I'll kill you if you keep trying to die."
Leo smiled for the first time in two weeks.
Or in an even longer while.
"Okay. It's not over," he agreed, hoping to get Don to close his eyes and rest. "As soon as you finish taking your nap, we'll start up again, okay?"
"Not taking a nap... just... resting my eyes for a moment," Don murmured, and then he fell asleep.
Leo sat there the entire three hours or more that Don slept.
And when Don woke up, the first thing he heard was Leo as he apologized again for being a jerk.