The Turtles and Leatherhead are owned by Mirage. Audrey is owned by me. Sobek is owned by no one. Author Kellie Fay is writing a story that uses the Crocodile God Sobek as just that, while I am using the name "Sobek" as something that Audrey calls L.H. during training. We are both in agreement with this.

Anger is my worst enemy.

Audrey says anger can also be your friend.

"Once you understand and accept it, it can be your best buddy and staunchest ally- but if you don't master it, it will master you."

"Whadda ya tryin' to do, sound like Splinter?"

"Sue me, Champ. But I know anger, just like I know depression."

Yeah, she had a point there; TWO points, actually.

Let me tell you an angry story.

"Count to Ten"

Don't tell Sensei, but I've been goin' to Audrey for "anger-management".

I didn't think he'd feel- good- knowin' that I was goin' to an outsider for somethin' he'd been tryin' to help me with all these years.

Don't get me wrong, Sensei is the best! I love and respect him somethin' fierce.

But I sometimes wondered if he really understood anger.

I've rarely seen him riled up. It's sorta cool watchin' him get all hot and ready to blow- but he usually is calm and controls it.

I'd been pretty cool myself, for a while- at least I hadn't gone after Mike the way I almost did the night I met Casey.

But lately, little things had been tickin' me off, like:

Mike.

Milk runnin' out.

Leo.

Trainin'.

Don.

Klunk.

The price of gas- damn!

Mike.

The Foot (and KARAI!- but Leo has dibs on that little feud).

Hun.

Mike.

Even Casey and April.

I dunno, maybe I'd reached some sorta teenage angst thing.

"No, you're just being you," Audrey said.

"You think I'm some kinda hothead and that's all?"

"No, you are just being you," she said, still unhelpful. "Raph, your temper is part of your character; it's a part of your temperament. It's not a bad thing, unless you let it control you. That's all I'm saying."

"I dunno, Aud, I don't like thinkin' that I'm just this angry guy, and that's all," I replied, getting angry- and then calming down. After all, it wouldn't do for me to protest and then prove myself wrong at the same time.

"I didn't say that," she said, offering me more cookies- fresh from the oven and smellin' better than anything has a right ta smell. Mmm... I just LOVE her oatmeal cookies.

"Quit looking at things in black and white, Champ," she continued. "You are Raphael, the one they call the 'hothead'- it's part of your passionate nature. You feel things more deeply than others. Sure, you have anger," she laughed, taking a cookie for herself, "but it's not out of place unless you go after Mike with the intent to kill him."

I paused in mid-bite at that comment. She looked at me, noticing that I had stopped eating.

"What?"

I chewed, swallowed, and sheepishly looked at her.

"Uh, did you ever hear about how I close I came to doin' that?" And I told her. Bluntly. How I so lost it once that I came at Mikey with a pipe and almost- almost-

She listened to me, shocked. Then, when it was over, she sighed, and patted my hand.

"Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades," she said with a small smile. "Has your anger ever hindered you in fighting your enemies?"

I thought hard about this. There's been so many times... so many fights- both here and on other planets, at the Battle Nexus, hell even today, on the way over I cracked a few punks' skulls 'cause they was harrassin' some homeless dude- not like the guy thanked me- typical-

Then I remembered that Aud was waitin' on an answer.

"Well, I sorta ended up in solitary confinement on that Triceraton home world 'cuz I blew my temper at the head bastard prisoner," I finally managed.

"Yeah, but I'm not talking about that- I'm talking about has it ever cost you a battle? Or a fight? Or the loss of a brother or a friend?"

Oh!

"Nope."

"Okay, then. I guess you can start the anger lessons with me and Sobek," she said, talkin' about Leatherhead. "Perhaps Casey would like to join us- no, on second thought, he doesn't need it as much anymore, not since he and April hooked up. Okay, Champ. Be at Sobek's this Saturday and we'll start. Tell Splinter that you're coming over for extra training to help Sobek out."

"You mean, lie to Sensei?" I said, quickly grabbing more cookies.

"No, I don't mean lie to Sensei," she replied frowning. "You will be helping out Sobek. His temper is fierce, and he has less control than you due to that bastard Bishop!"

Her face got that look she got whenever that slimebucket's name came up. I could see the veins poppin' out on her neck, and I watched as her brow wrinkled up in really deep hate-frowns.

And then she counted to ten.

Several times.

Some of those times in Japanese.

It seemed to help; her face lost the flush of anger, and the wrinkles smoothed out, but only after the third or fourth time.

Then she continued.

"You will be helping out a great deal being there."

So I went home and mentioned it to Splinter, and he agreed readily.

I'm sure he knew the real reason, but he's so cool, he would never let on in front of the others.

"I am Sobek, who dwelleth amid his terrors..."

I quote that line over and over to myself whenever I feel the anger rising- like right now.

Sensei Audrey says that anger can be your friend, but you must control it, and not let it control you.

Easier said than done.

At the moment, she was counting to ten for the third time in a row, this time in Japanese.

Did you know that there are apparently three ways to do so in Japanese? I have learned much from Sensei's anger. She will count the "usual" way, and sometimes the "traditional" way- and once in a great while, the "old style" way.

Michelangelo once called it "old school" and laughed, but he learned the hard way not to do so again where she could hear him. As I recall, he found out just how hard she can smack a tail or a head with that practice bamboo sword.

NOT that she's ever hurt me! It stings, but it doesn't hurt. But it does catch my attention.

I gazed longingly at my labratory. Donatello was coming over so we could work on a secret project, but today Sensei was in a mood about training, and I could feel the anger growing as the clock moved further and further past the usual finishing time of our lessons.

I think she forgot just who asked for these lessons! She did not own me, though she gave a pretty good impression of-

SMACK!

"OW!"

"Pay attention, Sobek! I'm not doing this for my health, you know!"

I rubbed the smarting place on my massive head and bowed. For being as short as she is, she certainly can find my head enough times.

Raphael stifled a laugh, and thereby missed his own turn with the bamboo sword.

"Now," she said, deliberately ignoring the entrance of my friend Donatello, "let us finish this lesson so we can all get on with our lives."

"No kidding," Raphael muttered, and this time she smacked him. "OW! Damn it, Audrey, I didn't come here ta be beat on by you- OWOWOWOW!"

Donatello wisely headed into my lab, but I could hear his trail of snickers even over the protesting shouts of pain from Raphael.

As for my friend, he started to growl; his face grew red, almost matching the shade of his bandana. I could almost hear his teeth grind as he balled up his fists, his body tensing as if he was going to attack Sensei. I prepared to interfere.

And Audrey?

She stood there, a perfect target, one fist on her hip, the other lazily twirling the bamboo practice sword, eyes on Raphael and a thoughtful look on her face.

"Count to ten," she said, just as Raphael began to come up off the floor.

At her words, he froze! He actually froze and began to count!

"Ichi- nee- san- shi-"

This was the first time since he began training with me that he got no further than almost off the floor.

The first time she had pushed him to his limit, he had jumped to his feet and was only three steps from her before she took him out with a wonderful sweep to his legs.

He had been embarrassed afterwards, and apologized profusely to her, himself surprised at how he had reacted. But she has merely patted his shoulder and told him it was all right, and then asked him if she had hurt him.

Just like Sensei!

She watched with satisfaction as Raphael counted to ten and then settled himself back into a sitting position, nodding her approval. Then she turned to me.

"You've made great progress," she finally said, as if this was the lesson for the day- which, I guess it was. It certainly seemed to me to be a day where the three of us got angry at each other, but knowing Sensei, she was merely teaching the lesson.

Though she did seem to count a lot more than usual.

It didn't help that during the one sword kata from earlier, I kept forgetting a move and had repeatedly smacked her fingers a good one with the bokken. I'd never heard her swear like that before, but she immediately went into counting before the language got too colorful, and then managed to say "No, do it this way" without any anger in her voice.

And then it would happen again. I sensed that I would be practicing this lesson for a long time.

"Normally we would end this with meditation, but I see that Don is waiting for you, and I'm sure Casey is waiting for you, Champ," she said, turning to Raphael.

Then, purely for his brother's benefit (because the true reason Raph was here was a secret), she made a show of thanking him for his "invaluable help in Sobek's anger-management session."

Donatello made a choking sound from the lab. It was faint, but I heard it plainly.

Raphael mumbled some sort of farewell, then bolted out of my home.

Audrey turned to me, once he is gone, and asked the same question she always asked once we were through with the lessons.

"Did I hurt you today, my friend?"

And she was sincerely concerned. I recalled again her story of her beating at the hands of her father with such a weapon. She chose it, she said, as a reminder to not hurt anyone out of rage.

"It's good for catching someone's attention," she had explained, "but it is also a constant reminder to me to never let my anger take hold of me, as it took hold of my father."

"I am fine, my friend," I responded, as I always do.

My head protested this statement; she had smacked me a good one today, but I was not telling her! I had a reputation to maintain, and it was a vain source of pride to me that I could take it better than Raphael.

Well, almost better!

Finally! I thought this day would never end!

I was supposed to be teaching them to control their anger, and yet I was the one who ended up counting to ten the most today.

Sobek- okay, now that the lesson was over, he prefered "Leatherhead"- Leatherhead was completely distracted. Today was one of those days where he just wanted to be Mr. Scientist. He thought I didn't notice the number of times he kept checking that damn clock, counting the minutes until Donnie came over to play.

I decided that I'd start making a chart of it. I had to push him. Patience is a virtue, but mine was running out when he did stuff like that.

He had made great strides with controlling his temper. It'd been months since he'd snapped into an uncontrollable rage. My singing my special little song had become less and less necessary.

And his dealings with that son of a bitch Bishop- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten- with Agent Bishop over that business when Don mutated into that GameraDon seemed to have helped as well where his self-control was concerned.

Leo told me that at first L.H. was quite stressed with being back in that lab, where all those unspeakable horrors and tortures he had been subjected to had taken place. That, coupled with the need to fight with Don while he was in that uncontrollabel monster stage, threatened to cause him to lose himself. But he was able to put it all aside with great determination and managed to find the needed cure, as well as the solution to Bishop's mutant monster problem.

Son of a fu-

One, two, three...

I counted to ten many times as I made my way to their "new" home. Splinter and I were having dinner tonight. The guys still did not suspect anything about our relationship.

Just as well, I doubted I could have counted to ten enough times to have kept me from smacking Mikey a good one if he were to even HINT at anything...

"Hitotsu, futatsu, mittsu, yottsu, itsutsu," I decided to do it in the traditional way this time.

Bishop.

He was still out there, you know. His place in Arizona (there really WAS an Area 51, what do you know?) was totally destroyed, but he was still in business. Just lying low for the moment.

Bishop.

As if to ward off the jinx, I immediately looked around me. The way to their new home was very secure, but I did NOT want to risk leading anyone to it.

Paranoia.

"Muttsu, nanatsu, yattsu," I continued under my breath, feeling ridiculously nervous. "Kokonotsu, toh! Hitotsu, futatsu, mittsu..."

And I counted my way to my second home, and breathed a sigh of relief as I caught sight of Splinter, a welcoming smile on his face.