It's a beautiful night for suicide.

Mind you, the best way to commit suicide in the City is to hang out late at night in the worst places.

Street Punk: Okay, lady- hand over the backpack.

Me: (holding up backpack) Come and get it.

These welcome punks advance on me- not seeing the sword I have hidden next to my leg.

That way, your heirs can collect on the massive insurance policy and avoid that stupid "no pay outs for suicides" clause.

Trouble is, I have no heirs.

We fight- I easily take out five street punks with one katana- they grab their wounded and flee- oh, well...

Plus, I don't really feel that committed to dying tonight.

Let me tell you a story.

"Lost and Found"

I'm sitting by the river front, as usual, on a large pipe that is slowly pouring God knows what into the water, as usual, cleaning the blood from my katana.

As usual.

It's one of a pair that used to belong to my dear old Dad.

Considering how he thought of me for his entire life as a "worthless girl", I'm surprised to this day that he left them to me at his death.

Perhaps he hoped I might kill myself with them.

Things have been rather depressing lately. I'm tired of teaching. I'm tired of being alone.

I can't decide whether to spend another year educating the youth of America, or chuck it all and finally follow my lifelong dream of becoming a freelance assassin.

I mean, if I'm going to kill punks like these, I might as well make a few bucks off of it.

I've been handling my depression this time by hanging out here, seeking- something.

I'm looking at the moonlight reflecting off the river when I hear a sound that is most unusual, considering the setting: a child crying.

It sounds like it's coming from inside the pipe.

I carefully jump down and look inside.

Yes- the crying is definitely coming from just inside the pipe.

"Hello? Are you okay?"

Sounds like the kid is trying to stop making any noise, judging from the gulping suppressed sobs I hear.

I risk entering the pipe a short distance.

"It's okay- I won't hurt you. Are you okay?"

"I'm- I'm lost!" the voice suddenly cries, and I go further in the pipe. "I can't find my way back home."

"Well, come out, and I'll help you find your way."

"I can't- I live in the sewers."

"What, you're homeless?"

"No, we just live in the sewers."

I accept this.

"Okay, then I'll come in and help you find your way home. Where are you?"

"I can't! I can't let you help me! I can't be seen!"

"Why? Are you covered with bruises? Has someone been beating you?" my anger is starting to show as I consider the reasons. I grip my katana, imagining what I will do to this kid's parents.

"No, I'm just lost. I just can't be seen."

Just then, the moonlight angles into the pipe, and I see why he's not suppose to be seen.

I'm standing there, eyes wide, sword held loosely, looking at a very young turtle with a tearstained face. A turtle!

A crying turtle...

I just can't stand to see anyone cry- even a turtle.

I sheathe my katana and pull a tissue from my pocket.

"It's okay, Sporty," I say, slowly approaching. "Don't cry. I'll help you get home. I promise."

He watches me warily, torn between fear and curiosity.

He lets me wipe his face with the tissue, and relaxes.

"My name is Audrey Franklin," I say, holding out my hand. "My students call me 'Ms. Franklin' but you can call me 'Audrey'."

"My- my name is L-Leo," he sniffles, shaking hands with me.

He only has two fingers and a thumb. Well, why not?

"Leo. Such a little name for such a big- turtle."

"It's Leonardo," he says. "My brothers usually call me Leo."

"Well, then, I guess Leonardo is a big enough name. So, how did you get lost, Leo?"

At this he starts crying again. I'm guessing he doesn't want to talk about it. I dig out more tissue.

"Okay, Sporty, we won't talk about it."

He sniffles a few more times, and takes a good look at me, as I take a good look at him. I see a small, child-sized turtle, very young, very alert, very- oh my God- very human-like...

He sees a five foot two inch tall woman, short brown hair, dark clothes, with a backpack and a sword strapped to her back.

For a brief second, I wonder which of us looks stranger to the other.

"Is that a katana?" he asks. Well, whatever it takes to earn his trust.

I unsheathe my sword and hand it to him, handle first.

"Yes, it is," I tell him. "I have two, but I usually only use one."

He holds it with some skill, and I can tell he is resisting the urge to swing it.

"I'm learning to use both," he says, handing it back.

"Well, I guess that explains the mask," I say. "Are you training to be a Ninja?"

He smiles through his tears.

"Yes. I saw what you did to those other surface dwellers! Are you Ninja?"

"Sort of- but mostly a teacher. Well, Sporty, it's getting late, so we need to get you home."

I resheathe the katana and get out my flashlight. In the glow it is even more odd looking at this turtle, who appears to be about the size of a five-year old. I hold out my hand to him. He takes it, and we backtrack into the pipe.

Leo tells me that he'd heard the noise of the fight, and had come out to watch.

"It was so cool!" he says. "Like a movie!"

After watching me fight the street punks, he had tried backtracking to the place where he had made the turn that had led him to the waterfront, but that he got confused, and ended up there again.

We get to the junction, and I can see how he became confused- he has made so many tracks it's impossible to choose the correct way back in the gloom.

The flashlight helps us to pick out one faint set of tracks that come from one pipe he'd not tried, and we begin our journey.

"Master Splinter says it's easy to get lost in the system, and he was right," Leo says, holding tight to my hand. "He says to look for landmarks, but I guess I forgot."

"Master Splinter?"

"He's our Sensei."

"Another turtle?"

"Sensei is a large talking rat."

Ask a stupid question...

As we go, Leo tells me of his three brothers and his life with the large talking rat- at least, he tells me what he can. How they got the way they did, he either can't or won't tell, and I don't ask. I just let him talk.

He's seven, he thinks.

"We don't really know when we were born," he says. "Do you have brothers?"

"I have seven, but we don't talk," I say.

He doesn't ask, and I don't tell.

We talk about a lot of other things as we walk through the sewers.

Literature.

"You're missing the point. 'The Tortoise and the Hare' was Aesop's warning to the worthless youth of Athens, not a true story about a real race. The tortoise represents determination and commitment, while the hare represents overconfidence and pride. So it won't do you and your brothers any good to try to find the tortoise and challenge him to a race."

"But I know we could beat him!"

"Hell, I could beat him."

Art.

"That's interesting. You say your Sensei named you using an old book on Renaissance art. But from what you've told me, Donatello should have been called Leonardo, because Leonardo da Vinci was more than an artist, he was an inventor and sort-of scientist. Raphael I don't know much about, nor Donatello. I know Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back."

"Mikey painted on his back, and it took us three days to get his shell clean again."

Cooking.

"I hate to tell you this, but turtle soup is made from turtles, not for turtles."

Philosophy.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Mathematics.

I bend down and pick up a stick, drawing as I explain:

"See, this is a lattice box. You draw it according to the numbers you want to multiply. For example, 27 times 48, you draw your box, like this, divide it into four sections, like this, write the numbers like this, draw diagonals, like this, and then just multiply the basic facts, like this. Then you add up the diagonals, and you get the answer."

"I thought you could only multiply one way," he says.

"Is that what your Sensei says about solving problems?"

"No, Sensei says that you must find the solution that works best for you."

"Well, see, this will work best for you," I say. "Hopefully. You say that Raphael is the best at multiplication, though he makes many mistakes."

"Yes, he's the fastest, and even with the mistakes he's the best."

"Well, this might take longer, but you'll make less mistakes. Then you'll be the best in multiplication. It's not how fast you are, it's how accurate you are."

He thinks about this.

"Like the tortoise and the hare?"

I smile.

"Exactly."

He beams, and we go on our way.

And as we do all this, he doesn't realize that he is the one leading the way back to his home.

He has been so preoccupied with talking with me that he has forgotten how scared he was and is able to find his way home after all. But I don't point this out to him.

Although I feel rather put out with him that our path has suddenly led us to a place where four street punks are hiding, dividing up the night's proceeds.

I push him down in the shadows. Fortunately, the street noise from the open manhole cover has masked our footsteps.

"Man, what are they doing here?" I wonder out loud in a whisper.

"They're always here on weekends," Leo whispers back. "Those three big ones come and go, and the little one stays here waiting. Then they split up the loot. Then this other guy comes and the little guy gives him his cut, and then they leave."

I look long and hard at Leo.

"You got past these guys tonight?"

"Well, yeah- I always get by them. I practice my ninja skills on them. The Way of Invisibility."

"And does Sensei know this?"

How can someone who is green blush pink?

"God's sake, Leo, what are you thinking? What if they caught you? Don't you know what they would do to you? To your family? How can you be so careless?" I start to get angry.

He starts to cry.

One of the punks looks around, suspicious- then shrugs and goes back to what he is doing.

We both get quiet fast, and I grab him and hug him tightly.

"Leo, I'm sorry. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. I'm sorry I got mad. Now, if you get by them all the time, we both should be able to get by them now. You lead the way, okay Sporty?"

He gulps a few sobs back, nods, and gets his game face on. I've already killed the light and drawn my katana.

We almost make it to the other pipe entrance.

Almost.

"What the-"

"Where the fuck did she come from?"

I shove Leo firmly behind me, facing them as I walk backwards.

"Don't mind me, boys, just passing through on my way home!"

"Get her!"

Fortunately for me, they don't have guns.

Or else, if they do, they know it would be stupid to shoot down here.

It doesn't take me long to deter them.

I am quick and quiet, slicing and dicing four street punks who are armed with knives and bats but inexperienced in this type of combat- they soon are all lying there, dead or dying- I don't care...

Except about Leonardo- the turtle training to be a ninja...

I turn to Leo, blood on me, blood on my katana.

"Are you sure this is the life you want?"

"I know the risks," he says simply and seriously.

I quickly clean my katana on one of the punks' shirt, sheathe it, and check the wounded.

Then I make sure there is no way they can tell where we came from or where we went.

I'm pretty sure their friends won't follow, but I will warn this kid's Sensei, anyway.

We walk on in silence for a while.

"That was amazing," he finally says.

"That was foolish," I reply. "That will draw the attention of the gang as well as the cops."

"Naw- the gang has had fights down here before. They'll just think it's their rivals. Their rivals carry swords."

How can someone who was crying buckets at being lost be so damn nonchalant at this?

I just let him talk. I just let it go.

We walk on, Leonardo telling me which turn to take, which ladder to go down, which tunnel to enter, which landmark he recognizes.

And he finally tells me how he got lost.

"A dare?"

"Well, sort of a dare," he shamefacedly says. "See, Raph is always bragging that no matter where we hide, he can find us, so we dared him to the ultimate Hide and Seek- and he didn't find me!"

And his pride in defeating his brother suddenly dissolves into tears.

"He didn't find me!" he sobs, and I get out the tissues again.

"Calm down, Sporty, it's okay," I soothe him, and I kneel down and hug him to me, patting him on the back and kissing his head and rocking him. "It's okay, Sporty. Don't cry. What if he suddenly shows up now and finds you crying? I'll bet he will never let you live it down. I know my brothers wouldn't," I add bitterly.

He slowly stops sobbing, and looks me in the eyes. I wipe his face with the tissue and smile at him.

"Your brothers are mean?"

So I tell him my story.

How my father was a martial arts champion who only wanted sons that would follow in his footsteps.

How I had ruined his dream of lots of sons, because after I was born, my mother couldn't have any more children.

How my father was only training all seven of my brothers until my mother forced him to train me as well.

How she died when I was eight.

How he had quit training me once Mom had died.

How he essentially blamed me for her death- from cancer!

How the boys were praised for everything while I was ignored.

How I was a "worthless girl".

How I had trained in secret.

How he would use me as a demonstration dummy for my brothers' kendo lessons.

How I disarmed him once during such a lesson.

How he had beat me with the bamboo practice sword for doing so.

How I entered the State tournament that he had pinned all his hopes in his sons on, and beat each and every one of them- including Aaron, who was talked up as Olympic material- thereby becoming State Champion.

How I was thrown out of the house for doing so.

How I've made my way since then on my own-and become what I am- on my own.

"Do you feel like crying?"

His voice has interrupted my bitter, depressing thoughts. I find that as I've been talking, I've been crying.

"Because, I wouldn't tell or make fun of you, you know. Everyone needs to cry sometimes," he says, and he steps forward and puts his arms around me the way I had put mine around him, and pats me on the back and tries to rock me. "It's okay, Audrey."

Suddenly, I wish he were what I swore at my mother's grave I would never have.

Suddenly, I wish he were my son.

I nearly hug the life out of Leo and cry.

Then I force myself to let go of him, stand up, take his hand, and start walking toward his home.

Though I'd have given anything to snatch him up and take him to mine!

Suddenly-

"This way! I know where we are!" and he starts pulling me closer and closer to his home.

"Maybe I shouldn't meet your Sensei," I say, but I don't get a chance to convince him, for we are in a large area, and coming directly towards us is a large talking rat in an old robe, followed by three more turtles in masks who look just like Leo- and yet, don't look just like Leo.

The three young turtles see me, freeze, and then vanish as they've been trained to do, but the rat approaches.

I can tell he is on his guard- but I get the feeling that he would be able to easily handle me if he needed to.

I am doing my best to appear non-threatening. It must be working, because though he keeps a ready eye on me, he seems to relax once he's closer. He turns his attention to this young turtle.

"Leonardo! Where have you been? I have been so worried!"

Leo bows to his Sensei.

"I'm sorry, Sensei, but we were playing Hide-and-Seek and I got lost and I couldn't find my way home and Audrey helped me get home and-" then he remembers his manners. "Master Splinter, this is Audrey Franklin, a teacher and a Ninja who helped me get home. Audrey, this is my Sensei, Master Splinter."

What can I do? I bow politely, in the prescribed manner, making sure I go lower than him because of age. I get the feeling that somehow he is very much "older" than me.

"I see that there is quite a story here," Splinter says, rather surprised but trying to hide it.

"Oh, yes!" Leo exclaims, and as he is telling it (with highly descriptive and undeserved adjectives) I look at the other three who are watching us from the shadows without letting them know I'm looking at them. They are dying from curiosity, I can tell, but they have been well-schooled in the necessity to stay out of sight.

"-and then she found me and brought me home!" Leo concludes.

"No, Leonardo," I correct him. "You found your own way home. I just came along for the walk."

He starts to protest, but I cut him off.

"Think about it. Once I helped you find the right pipe to reenter, you were the one leading the way." Then I look at the rat. "Leo thought he was lost, but as we went along, it was Leo who told me which direction to go, which ladder to use, which landmark he recognized, which tunnel was the correct one."

I look at Leo.

"Once you got over your initial fear, you were the one in control. You knew your way home all along. You've learned well. You just need to learn to not go so far, and not panic. You found your own way home."

Leo thinks on this. Then he beams.

"I did? I guess I did!" Then he looks at me. "Still, you helped."

I smile and nod.

Splinter looks proudly at Leo, but all he says is, "It is long past your bedtime, Leonardo. Go with your brothers. I will be in shortly."

The others dart from the shadows and head without looking back to their room, followed by Leo, but Master Splinter calls after him.

"You are forgetting your manners, my son."

"Oh!" he says, then returns quickly and bows before me. "Thank-you, Audrey-Sensei, for helping me find my way home."

I return the bow.

"You are welcome, Leonardo," I smile, and he suddenly hugs me, then scoots after his brothers.

I look at the rat. He looks back. I wonder if this will be the part where he decides to make sure I can't reveal them to the world.

Stupid thought, as I feel no fear from him. Or of him.

"We are forever in your debt, Ms. Franklin," he bows to me. "You have been very kind to go to this trouble."

"It was no trouble, I assure you," I bow back. "Though you may have trouble because of me." And I tell him about the gang I had to fight in order to get Leo home.

"I know of these surface dwellers," he says. "We are well-protected. They will not find us."

"You do not need to worry about me, either, Master Splinter," I say, bowing again. "I will never reveal your secret to the world. And I will never return here."

"We would be very honored if you would return," he says, but I tell him of my fears:

My fears of being followed; of them being discovered; of the evil outcomes that would occur upon their discovery.

My fears of wanting to keep Leo.

And it kills me to tell him of this last one, because how can you trust someone who says that they want your son?

Now that I've found them, I don't want to lose them.

Especially Leo.

But he doesn't seem shocked or concerned.

He seems very understanding.

"Ms. Franklin, I cannot repay you for what you have done, but perhaps I could give you some advice?"

"By all means."

"It seems to me that Leonardo was not the only one lost tonight. You appear to be at a crossroads in your life," he says. "Forgive me, but I have seen many humans. It is not often I see one with a katana, especially one who uses it the way my son has described. You are thinking of changes in your life? Or perhaps something even more drastic?"

I sort of nod.

"You are too caring to do these things you think of," he says. "Do not throw away your life on the past. Do not dwell on old wounds. Do not make any changes that you will regret. Do not lose touch with who you are."

I smile.

"Who am I?"

"Ms. Franklin, I believe you know exactly who you are." He bows again. "There is a ladder in the next tunnel that leads directly to the surface. It comes out on an alley on Laird. The 600 block, I believe."

Great. A nice long walk home. With my katana.

I bow once more and begin to leave.

"Ms. Franklin- please reconsider- you will always be welcome in our home."

I almost cry because I do not want to be the one to cause them death and discovery.

But I want to come here as often as possible.

"Leo will know where to find me most weekend nights."

He accepts this, and turns to reenter his lair.

He pauses for just a moment.

"I am coming in there, and I had better find everyone in bed."

I can hear the scrambling, and I nearly laugh out loud.

Then I leave.

I never go back- until years and years later.

I keep my job. I continue to educate the youth of America.

Though some days I wonder why.

I start a dojo instead of becoming a freelance assassin- though I still have hopes.

I've started training the youth of America in the various martial arts.

Especially the "worthless girls".

Who are my most prize-winning students.

Leo and I have kept in touch.

Over the years I leave presents for him on his birthday- the day I found him. I put them in the pipe at the junction where he got lost, and he gets them.

He leaves me thank-you notes and little gifts and letters telling me of his training.

I also leave Christmas presents for him and his brothers and Splinter.

I still have some of the funny thank-you notes for these as well. But other than that, I've had no contact with his brothers.

I see him and his brothers around the city more and more- racing across the rooftops in training runs, fighting Ninja and street gangs in the alleys.

I'm on the roof of my apartment, looking down into the alley, watching four turtle shadows battle an unknown enemy.

They have come a long way.

They are quite impressive!

And Leo and I chat at least once a month, usually at the sewer pipe where we first met, though he has started coming to my apartment- I usually train on the roof. And he's been over for dinner.

I wish I had gone back. I missed so much.

It's my understanding that there are several other humans who know of them, and two of them visit them regularly.

I've seen the one they call Casey around town as well- with and without them.

And I thought I was crazy!

I'm sitting on the sewer pipe, cleaning my katana- as usual.

It's a beautiful night for suicide.

A turtle head pops out of the opening of the pipe, looking up at me with a grin- as usual.

"Hi, Audrey!"

I smile down at him- as usual.

"Hi, Sporty!"