I keep forgetting to say- TMNT are the property of Mirage. Thanks to Terran!

"Do you sometimes wish one of us had been a girl?"

For the past several days, Michelangelo had been worrying Splinter. He was constantly being "helpful" to the point where Splinter's normal chores were being doubled if not tripled. Splinter had to mop the kitchen floor after Michelangelo decided to wax it (to such a slippery sheen that it was not safe for anyone to venture forth unawares and at any speed other than extremely slow- as Raphael had painfully found out- three times).

His attempts to clean the bathtub with a powerful cleaner resulted in Splinter's having to carry Michelangelo to the nearest ladder and up to fresh air, as the fumes had so overcome him to the point of his nearly blacking out even as he was throwing up. Indeed, they all had to spend an hour outside of the Lair while the front door remained open so as to help ventilate the fumes. As a result, when they went back in, it smelled of sewer and ammonia was in every room.

The ventilation system that brought them fresh air (for years Splinter had never questioned why they did not all suffocate- it wasn't until Donatello discovered the that the "vents" led to a larger system that somehow kept fresh air coming into their home while removing anything "bad"- that Splinter finally thought of such a thing) worked overtime to dispense with the rest of the odor, but according to Raphael it smelled "better than Mikey- man, go wash off that puke smell!"

"NONE of us can," Leo had said, squirming and wondering just how much longer he could hold out before having to hit the sewers.

There were other incidents as well, but Splinter, though he thought and thought, could not figure out what was going on with his son.

He had even tried the direct approach.

"Well, you haven't but I'm guessing that you are, what with... um... everything and all," he said.

Mikey had determined that he would not bring up the coming baby. He had watched enough shows lately to tell him that the parent liked to be the one to give the good news- so it was up to Splinter to finally spring it on them, and Mikey had already planned on how surprised he was going to be.

"How's this look?" he had asked Don one particularly annoying day when Splinter was out with Raphael and Leonardo on a training exercise. The other two were left home to finish their assignments, and now that they were done- well, Don's had been done within twenty minutes of receiving it three days ago, but Mikey had not "found the time" yet- "Splinter says 'My sons, I have an announcement: I am going to have a baby!' And this is what I do-"

Here he first sat on a chair, legs crossed, hands folded on one knee, with a look of exaggerated "seriousness" as he listened to his father begin the announcement. Then his eyes flew wide, and his face went into an amazing display of "shock"- accompanied by the lifting of his hands to frame his face as it were, with finger exclamation points- quickly followed by "growing joy" and ending with his leaping off of the chair and rushing to the couch, where he pretended to be hugging Splinter.

" 'Oh, FATHER! THAT is the most surprising news! Congratulations!'" he said in a loud and sincere tone of voice, the happiness literally dripping from him as he pretended to sit by Splinter, holding his invisible hand in his own while patting it and looking up with glistening eyes.

Then he jumped up and bowed to Don.

"Mikey, you're gonna get a surprise, and no doubt about it," Don commented. He was through- they were all through- trying to convince their brother that Splinter was not pregnant. When Splinter had saved the pink sweater while talking about "craving" a certain type of food, they had been for one very brief moment unsure- but it did not take long for them to snap out of it. In fact, after a few days of listening to Mikey going on and on about how cute the baby was going to look in that pink sweater, Don wanted to go to Sensei and tell him just exactly what was wrong with their youngest brother, but Raph had said no and Leo had backed him up!

"Only 'cause he went into the kitchen and hid the rest of the chips," Leo said, and he told them of getting up late at night for a drink of water only to find Father carefully hiding the chips where Mikey couldn't find them.

Don shook his head as Mikey continued on, practicing his "serious" look, followed by his "surprised and happy" look over and over.

Yes- they were through trying to convince him-

Darn it! Don could not stand this any longer. This was his brother- his poor, deluded, crazy brother, and Don could not stand watching him go on believing this impossibility. Santa Claus was one thing- Splinter giving birth was another.

Quickly he went into Splinter's room, searched the shelves until he found the book he needed, and reappeared just as Mikey, on the couch, was promising Splinter to "love my very own little sister more than anything in the world, just you wait and see, Father! And HEY! I've just thought of a name!"

Don snorted. They had heard of the name he had "just thought of" a million times. Machi. Raph was already calling "her" Matches much to his youngest brother's anger.

He joined Mikey on the couch, and opened the book to the pictures of the human male and female reproduction systems.

"Mikey, let me show you something," Don pleaded, pointing to the first diagram. "See here? This is what is inside every human woman. It's called a 'womb'. That is the special place a baby grows inside the woman. And these things?" He pointed to two funny-shaped objects, each with a tube coming off of it. "Those are the ovaries. That is where the eggs come from that grow into babies- in the WOMB."

Mikey listened politely, nodding his head as Donatello continued a detailed anatomy lesson on the reproduction system of humans.

"And see here?" Donnie continued, an insistent green finger pointing to the diagram of the Man's insides. "This is the man- see? HE don't have the same stuff inside- there is no womb in him-"

"Of course there's no womb," Mikey barely could keep from cracking up. "It's too crowded in there already!"

And he literally fell over on the couch, laughing until tears ran down his cheeks.

I should just hit him with the book.

"Mikey," Don persisted, once his little brother had laughed himself out. "Look. Men do not have babies. Women do. Women are the only ones with the right equipment to carry the babies. Splinter does NOT have any of this stuff in him!"

Mikey favored his intelligent brother with a pitying look and shook his head.

"Of COURSE he don't gots that stuff!" Mikey said, almost patting Don on the head but thinking twice about it. "That's 'cause he ain't HUMAN! He's a rat!"

And he got up and went to the bathroom, muttering something about "not so smart after all".

Don wished he had a little sister at that moment. ANYTHING would be an improvement sibling/wise at the moment.

Splinter awoke, aware that something had happened- something he had heard in his sleep had finally registered in his brain, and he was alert to the danger before he was truly awake. He was out of bed, walking stick in hand, before he fully realized the fact.

Senses working, he sniffed. His ears strained in the dark as he made his way out of his room and down the hall. He knew this was not the usual "go to the bathroom/get a drink" type of activity. He had heard the front door. He was certain of it! He was NOT dreaming!

It was closed- but not locked!

Quickly, quietly, he made his way to his sons' room, where soft snores alerted him to the fact that at least Raphael was there. A quick bed check revealed that Michelangelo was gone!

He was out the door in no time, sniffing for his son- yes! The scent was still strong. He did had a bit of a head-start, but Splinter would have no trouble tracking him.

Swiftly, silently, he moved through the dimly lit tunnels, every sense straining for a trace of Michelangelo. He had no time to wonder why, no room in his worried parent mind to consider the reasons his son would venture out like this. All he could think of was find him- and spank him!

He traced him to a ladder- he didn't!

He did! He'd gone above ground- by himself!

Splinter was up and out of the sewer so quickly that if anyone had been watching it would have been a vague blur of movement.

Splinter found himself at the back of the darkened collection center where he usually scrounged clothes among the late-night donations (and the cast-offs that the charities rejected)- and there was Michelangelo, dressed for being topside, the only being present in the deserted yard, mumbling to himself as he dug through a pile of...

TOYS!

"Hmm... nope... nope... what the heck? Who would give this to a kid? Nope... a-ha!"

And Splinter watched as his son held aloft some prize that the harried rat could not identify despite the weak lights of the surrounding neighborhood.

"This is perfect! It's hardly used!"

Then Splinter watched as his son quickly pocketed the item, then made a check-mark on a piece of paper.

"Now... teething ring... hmm... she can chew on some of Raph's toys," he muttered, oblivious to the parental storm about to break all around him.

"Why are you out here alone?" Splinter snapped, causing Michelangelo to scream and dive for the nearest receiving bin. The rat was quickly behind him, snatching him by the collar of his coat and pulling him out in the open, then roughly rushing him to the manhole cover and down into the tunnels before anyone had noticed his son's shriek of fright.

All the way home Splinter was too angry to say anything more than "Home. Now."

All the way home, Michelangelo kept all comments to himself, busily planning his story- after all, he could NOT let Splinter know what he was planning! It was a surprise! He had been working hard to prepare, sneaking out and up to that place for the past few days- usually when Splinter himself was out scavenging, but tonight he had decided to go when there was no one around to eye him suspiciously...

Home. Mikey and Splinter entered quietly- the others were still asleep, and Splinter did not wish to draw their attention to this foolish stunt of their brother's.

Splinter guided Michelangelo through the dark to his own, room, where he lit a candle, took a deep calming breath, and then turned on his youngest, towering over him, hands on hips, glaring.

What is going on?" he asked slowly and firmly. He was not going to accept anything except the truth. Mikey knew this.

But he couldn't tell! That would ruin the surprise! He just HAD to keep this a secret! He had to do something, anything, he had to-

Suddenly he rubbed his eyes and yawned mightily, stretching and acting as if he had just awakened.

"Mornin' Sensei," he mumbled, bowing- then looked around in surprise. "Uh... What? What's going on? HOW did I get in here? Where did these clothes come from?"

Splinter watched this display with growing disbelief. Michelangelo was trying to fool his father? MICHELANGELO?

Splinter had to work hard to suppress his anger. He was literally shaking with the after effects of having to hunt down his son and return him before humans had discovered him. His hands clenched so tightly that he could feel his nails digging into the pads of his palms. He drew at least five cleansing breaths before he could trust himself to speak. This would have to wait. If he punished him now, it would be in anger, and Splinter did not wish to do that- he was afraid he would hurt the child.

"Hamato Michelangelo, you are required in the dojo before breakfast," he managed to say, his rage only betrayed by his tail and ears. "You will go to bed now, and you will meet me in the dojo at six a.m. sharp. Go."

Partly relieved, partly scared, Mikey left the room and went to bed- after first depositing his latest find in his secret place where he was gathering the various presents and supplies needed for his surprise for Splinter. He'd been preparing for days, after seeing something about such things on TV, and not even a spanking was going to deter him from doing this for Splinter.

He was going to throw the bestest surprise baby shower in the world!