137I'm still plugging along! Thanks to those of you who have stuck with me, and to those that have found me.
TMNT are the property of Viacom/Nickelodeon, but I'll be darned if I EVER do a TMNT/Spongebob crossover story...
Stalking the Green-Eyed Monster
"And... cut! Let's try it again, and for God's sake, Dan, stop whining like a drama queen."
"Easy for you to say, that rat didn't run across YOUR boot!"
Lights once again surrounded Dan Wilder as he crouched in three-quarter profile, taking a few deep breaths, carefully ruffling his hair, then gazing into the camera again.
"Miles upon endless miles of sewers, storm drains, subway tunnels snake underneath the Big Apple. Everything that the City depends upon- water, electricity, communications, waste removal- all of it down here in a world of its own. Once one sees the vastness of this man-made miracle, one can easily believe that Life could exist down here, unknown and unnoticed..."
"Good, that's much better. Let's get going, people, the day ain't gettin' shorter!"
Dan, receiving yet another touchup from the make-up artist ("Don't you have anything that might make me look like I've a bit of dirt on my cheek?" "How about dirt?"), sighed in exasperation. "Surely it's lunch time by now!"
"Dan, I told you, catering refuses to come down here. They'll meet us when we exit the drainage junction. It has street access. Now can we go?"
Leonardo, whistling a merry tune, strode through the tunnels, the folder firmly in his possession, and his (Future) Leadership position secure. He would so wow them all, Splinter would have to make him assistant sensei- and all before he was eleven!
Each drip from the unseen roof, each clanking noise of a pipe, each splash of his foot in pooled water seemed to provide the rhythm to his Song of Victory that was carrying him along.
Soon he would read the rest of the kata! Soon he would be DOING the rest of the kata!
He glanced at the little alarm clock that he'd thoughtfully brought along. He knew exactly how long it would take him to get to the drainage junction, how long it would take Splinter to reach his first scavenging sight, how long his Sensei and Father would be gone, how long it would take Raph and Don to do their work, how long it would take Mike to fall asleep while sitting in the dojo, and how long it would take he, himself to return home before anyone was the wiser!
Of course, I could read the kata as I go, and then that would save some time...
Nope! He would be Patient! He was determined to not read one single solitary tiny word of the Holy Grail of Katas until he was Prepared as any true Master of Ninjitsu would be! He would do his warm-ups, he would review the first seven steps- and then, and ONLY then, would he open the folder and commit to memory the other fifty-eight movements!
Patience was his middle name, after all! Patience was the one thing he definitely had mastered over his brothers!
Patience...
Splinter had set them to finding quotes about patience. They had to be able to apply the quote to a real-life situation, and explain the lesson it was imparting.
Leonardo, eager to please and competitive as always, had searched every book and magazine that they had managed to scavenge over the years, hoping to find THE most best quote about patience in the world!
He'd found quite a lot of great quotes, and struggled to decide which would be the one to beat his brothers' offerings! All of them would apply to the real-life example he was going to use (a nostalgic remembrance of when he'd bested his brothers at something or other in the dojo, and all because of his Patience).
Finally he'd narrowed the list down to four- one by the Great Leonardo da Vinci (naturally, he had smugly thought), two Chinese proverbs, and a brilliant haiku by the brilliant Kobayashi Issa.
But which to use? He felt that all four were perfect- but were they perfect enough to earn him the Admiration of his Sensei and Father?
Nervously, he kept scanning his list as each of his brothers stood before Splinter to offer their quotes and explanations.
Perhaps the Issa one? After all, it WAS in Japanese...
"mozu no koe kanninnbukuro yabureta ka"
(a shrike's voice-
did your bag of patience
break?)
Raphael got into immediate trouble with his quote and explanation- Leo tried to remember what the quote was- something about Patience being a naked woman laying under a banana tree, Leo still wasn't sure what it was all about, but Raph was assigned a lot of chores and flips for it, and he had to immediately destroy the magazine he'd found the quote in page by page while Splinter watched with Crossed Arms and a Fierce Expression on his face.
Shame, that, it did have some very funny pictures in it as well... there was that one of two vultures perched on a limb, and one was saying "Patience my ass..."
Raphael had wanted to use THAT as his quote, but Leonardo had Wisely talked him out of it, as any good (Future) Leader should. Trust Raphael to still manage to land in trouble.
Maybe he'd use the Chinese one... "One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life," and then relate it to Raphael and what had just happened...
Michelangelo had floored them all with the quote he'd found:
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones" and then he'd related a story about one of the countless times he had done something that had tried Splinter's patience.
Splinter had chuckled for several minutes over that one.
Leo was DYING to know what book Mike had found that in, but he now frantically started to race through his quotes that were so great, but which would be the best one to top them all? Belatedly he began to regret the limiting of himself to just four...
Perhaps the OTHER Chinese proverb? "Patience is power; with time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes silk." That sounds like something Sensei would say...
Donatello's had been:
"Beware the fury of a patient man. ~John Dryden, Absolam and Achitophel, 1680" He had then gone on to remind them of the last time Michelangelo had destroyed one of his most very precious and hardest projects ever attempted by himself, and how he'd earned a major punishment for the outcome.
Figures he'd find one from some really old person. Leonardo once again looked at his quote from Leonardo Da Vinci:
"Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will be powerless to vex your mind."
Perhaps he'd win based on how long ago the person being quoted lived? Then again, Issa's haiku was old... and it was in Japanese! Which to use? Which? They all went with his story perfectly.
What if he presented all four?
"Leonardo, it is now your turn," Splinter's voice panicked the young turtle. Hastily folding his list, he stood, bowed, and cleared his throat several times.
"Leonardo," prompted Splinter after a few minutes of throat-clearing.
"Sorry. My quote on 'patience'," Leonardo said, and cleared his throat again. Um..."
His mind was suddenly blank! One minute he had four perfect quotes etched in his memory, the next nothing!
"Leonardo," Splinter's voice jarred in his ears again, now accompanied by the stifled snickers of three brothers.
Leonardo's mind, blank as a blank could be, was suddenly FLOODED with quote after quote after quote after quote after-
"Leonardo!"
"Patience my ass, I'm gonna go out and KILL something!"
Shocked silence. Leonardo, indignant, wondered which of his jealous brothers had tried to sabotage his moment- only to come to the realization that all eyes were on him.
Gulp.
"... and... and... the lesson of that... quote..."
The valiant effort was wasted. Splinter dismissed the others, and then had had a LONG "discussion" with his eldest on the pitfalls of trying to be the Best at Everything.
Leonardo sighed at the unbidden and unfriendly memory. But that was when he'd been younger! When one is eight, one makes those mistakes, but now, NOW he was TEN! Double-digits!
Suddenly, he felt... well... Old.
"I am not a child any longer," he carefully said to himself, partly in wonder, partly in pride. "I am a TEENAGER!"
"Nope, you are not a teenager yet," Little Angel Turtle chided him. "You aren't a teenager until you hit thirteen. That's where the 'teen' in 'teenager' comes from."
"Gotta side with Goody-Two Wings on this one," Little Devil Turtle chimed in. "But then again, yer not a child any more, that's for sure!"
Before Little Angel Turtle could contradict him, Little Devil Turtle pushed Little Angel Turtle out of Leo's mind and joined the turtle in his Song of Victory.
"Are we there yet?"
"I've got a twenty that says there's a major blowup before we get there," the sound guy said to the make-up artist.
"That's a sucker bet," she scoffed at him. "But I've got a twenty that says Dan get accidentally pushed into the water before we get there."
"Who's talking sucker bets now?" the sound man snickered.
"Really, are we there yet? How the hell far is it? Couldn't we have just gone up to the street and then driven to the entrance?"
"We need the footage."
"Dan Wilder is not to be confused with 'footage'."
"Stop talking about yourself in the third person, and it's not much farther, and I am the Director, so I say you have to be here- IN the FOOTAGE!"
"C'mon, just one peek? Just one little peek into the folder? How do you know it's all there? You should look just to be sure."
"It's all there! I already confirmed it," Leonardo held out against Little Devil Turtle, who kept tempting him to "open that folder and make sure! HOW can you not be insulted by what Mike wrote as the title? You really should look..."
Almost there... Leonardo found himself starting to run to get to the drainage junction. He had to force himself to slow down, go carefully, be calm. He had plenty of time! PLENTY!
Man, this was worse than having to wait to open presents on Christmas Day! Leo so much wanted to stop right there and then and shut up the nagging in his brain. But he was Determined to Wait!
Still, he did start walking faster. No harm in arriving earlier than he'd planned out.
Before he could believe it, he was at his destination!
The feeling that suddenly overpowered him was hard to describe. Excitement? Nervousness? Fear? Exultation? He felt like jumping around like crazy, as if he had to pee- or was it more like feeling as if he could actually fly? He was so keyed up- finally- FINALLY- he was going to know the secret of the Kusanku Kata- finally, he, Hamato Leonardo, was going to begin mastering the most Difficult Kata on Earth!
His palms were sweating, and his throat was dry at the thought that he was doing something massive- and something his Sensei and Father would either respect him for or ground him for life.
After all, Splinter WAS the Sensei... and the Sensei decides when the student is ready to learn something new...
And Leonardo could quote Splinter chapter and verse on everything to do with Senseis and Students.
As he stood there, the ticking of his little alarm clock began to break through his conflicted emotions, reminding him that he had little time to waste on second-guesses.
Carefully he placed the clock on top of the folder (which he put down with the title on the floor so he couldn't see the evil words of his evil brother) and began his warm-ups, a bit quickly and haphazardly, granted, despite his best efforts to control himself.
Then he launched into the first seven steps that he'd already mastered in a few short days.
1. Look
2. Left pinan block
3. Right pinan block
4. Pull
5. Knife hand
6. Right punch, outside block
7. Left punch, outside block
Oh, yes, that was the smoothest run-through yet! And now to view the rest!
Sinking into a kneeling position, he carefully picked up the folder. His heart was racing with excitement, and he noticed that his hands were shaking just a little bit. He closed his eyes, drawing in steadying breaths, and then, when he felt calm, he opened the folder and found the second page.
Mike, usually a sloppy writer, had been meticulous in his efforts to copy this kata.
8. Pull
9. Kick, turn, pinan block
10. Pinan block
11. Pinan block
12. Knife hand
13. High block
14. Kick and down
15. Naihanchi, side block
16. High block
17. Kick and down
18. Naihanchi, side block
19. Pull
20. Kick, elbow and pull
21. Kick, elbow
22. Pinan block
23. Pinan block
24. Turn, pinan block
25. Pinan block
26. High block
Leonardo slammed the folder shut, and hugged it to his plastron, emotions bubbling forth. This... this was the bestest day in his entire life!
Master Ninja Leonardo was overwhelmed by the importance of the blue silk scroll. Never again would these words be exposed to the Unworthy, this he swore!
Leonardo opened the folder again, determined to read no farther- he would concentrate only on steps eight through twenty-six, then he would rush home and copy the rest down before replacing the folder in Mike's notebook!
Reading and rereading the page, he stood, and began the step-by-step process... the words seemed to burn themselves into his memory, he was so good at this!
Pull... kick, turn, pinan block...pinan block... pinan block... knife hand... high block... kick and down... Naihanchi, side block...
Leonardo, lost in the beauty of this thing he was doing, didn't hear the approach of the camera crew until...
"Are we there YET?"
"YES, we're there, now shut the HELL UP!"
"Told you someone would blow up."
Without thinking, Leonardo grabbed his clock and folder and vanished into the closest tunnel- which of course, was no where near the one that had brought him here.
From his hiding place in the shadows, he witnessed something he'd never seen in his entire life- more humans than he was used to, some dressed rather interestingly, carrying equipment that Donatello would have been able to identify quickly but he had to figure out from conversations of the intruders- a television crew? HERE? What the... Wait until Splinter finds out!
"Dude, Splinter can't find out," Little Devil Turtle whispered from his hiding place in Leo's mind. "He'll hit the roof!"
"But he has to warn Splinter," Little Angel Turtle argued, hiding with L.D.T. "It's his duty as a (future) Leader!"
"Okay, let's get this shot set up people!" the little man was ordering needlessly. Everyone knew their job, but still, he WAS the Director. It was to be expected that he'd tell them all what to do.
"Yeah, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we eat," Dan Wilder said, carefully checking his looks in the ever-present mirror of the make-up girl.
Leonardo knew he needed to get out of there, but it was fascinating, watching these humans set up portable lights, steady the camera, and extend some sort of long pole with what Leo guessed was a microphone over the guy the lady was now powdering down with a huge puffy thing.
"And... action."
"We're here in this huge drainage junction," Dan began, voice echoing around the large chamber. "Notice the many openings that spill into here- some only large enough for a rat, some big enough to drive an armored truck through- and below us, a huge pool of water with some whirling fan at the bottom. This place is a crossroads of sorts, a place that-"
Suddenly, the alarm that Leo had set on his little clock began to ring like crazy.
Everyone looked around, wondering how the heck someone's phone could work down here, then realizing the noise was coming from the one tunnel.
"What the... LOOK!" shouted the camera man, who happened to turn at the right moment to see some sort of movement. "Someone- something's in that tunnel!"
"Quick! Get some footage! Get some FOOTAGE!"
"OH my God, it's GREEN!"
"Get the shot get the shot get the shot!"
Leo, accidentally caught in an unlucky spotlight that had unfortunately crossed over him during the hunt for the sound, wasted no time vanishing into the dark.
"Quick! FOLLOW it!"
"What about lunch?"
"DAN, go eat your freaking lunch, this is BIG, c'mon, guys!" and the director, the camera crew, the make-up artist, sound guy, lights guy, and Joseph Anthony Moschella, City worker, all took off down the tunnel Leonardo had vanished into.
Dan Wilder stood there, suddenly alone and unsure of which way to go to reach the catering truck.
"Damn it," he muttered, and then "Wait for me! I'm the STAR after all!"