Hello! I think I've finally broken through this writers block. Hopefully you've not lost interest.

TMNT now belong to Nickelodeon, but if they're using it, you can't prove it by me. Jell-O® belongs to the Kraft Corp. I never knew they used to make chocolate Jell-O®...

Stalking the Green-Eyed Monster

1. Sun Tzu said: In the practical art of war, the best

thing of all is to take the enemy's country whole and intact;

to shatter and destroy it is not so good. So, too, it is

better to recapture an army entire than to destroy it,

to capture a regiment, a detachment or a company entire

than to destroy them.

2. Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles

is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists

in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.

"Is this the home of the mysterious being? Have we tracked it to its lair?"

"Lean out a bit farther," the cameraman suggested. "Better yet, kneel down a bit so I can get you in the close-up of the water."

Leo watched as the man did as suggested. Grinning in the dark, he picked up a few stray bits of junk, and waited.

Just as Dan Wilder, host of the famous show "Quest Busters of the Underworld," gazed up at the camera and said, "It seems quiet. Maybe even too quiet."

Leo tossed a small bit of trash into the pool.

The albino crocodile was still in residence it seemed.

"JEEEEZUSSS FREAKING CHRIIII-!"

Leo tried and tried to not make a sound on the way home. But as his mind replayed again and again the screams, the curses, and the sheer action of many humans trying to outrun the huge albino crocodile, he could feel the beginnings of a huge laugh building up in his chest, threatening to burst forth in an explosion of noisy humor that would put one of Mike's belly-guffaws to shame.

"It really is bad of me to laugh at those poor foolish humans," he "chided" himself aloud, trying to be in control. "But it WAS funny. I knew it was a clever plan, but I didn't realize just how funny it would be!"

And, confident in the knowledge that, to quote the great Sun Tzu, he had broken the enemy's resistance without fighting—he had won!

"My God, My God, My God RUN!"

"Freaking hell, get out of my way!"

"AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEE!"

"Get it on film!"

"Hit it with a stick!"

"YOU hit it with a stick, dumbass! RUN!"

"GET it on film! Get it on FILM!"

"Get out of my way! My contract says ME first out of danger!"

Leo had followed as best as he could, to make sure that those who survived actually climbed out of the sewers. There had been a distinct moment when, watching them trying to scurry up a ladder to the next level, they had for a few minutes kept pulling each other down in their own efforts to escape, when he had laughed aloud—but no one had noticed it, no one had spared even a glance in his direction. They spent their attention on trying to see if the crocodile had followed while attempting to get the hell out of there in one piece.

But they managed finally to get out, and Leo was unable to keep up with them. He did follow long enough to satisfy himself that all signs indicated that they had left the sewers. Backtracking, he found no indication that anyone had ended up as lunch for the giant albino reptile. Ah well. Probably for the best. They might have decided to return and hunt the croc down and kill it.

Now, on the way home, he allowed himself to laugh again—a good, long, loud laugh that reverberated through the tunnels, multiplying in volume and making it sound as if the entire world was laughing with him.

As he laughed, Don came to mind. He'd been in one of his investigative moods, and had decided to research laughter.

"What's to research?" Mike had wanted to know. "You laugh when things are funny or when you get tickled or when you get a present or when you play a good joke. Big deal."

"It is a big deal, Mike," Scientific Don had replied. "Laughter is found in all humans and among some animals, but not turtles, and as we are turtles, I want to know how we developed the ability to laugh. After all, we're not humans."

"Splinter laughs," Leo had loyally pointed out, "and he's not human."

"But he is a mammal, and a rat, and scientists have discovered that rats can laugh, only when they get older they don't laugh as much."

"Ohhhh…. So that explains why he didn't find that exploding teapot so funny," Mike realized.

"No, he didn't find it funny 'cause it exploded hot tea all over him, doofus," Raph had replied.

"Anyway, it seems like a waste of time to me," Mike continued. "Why study it when you can do it? Here comes the TICKLE NINJA!"

Don had easily sidestepped his brother's attack, causing Leo and Raph to laugh. Immediately he put pencil to notebook, furiously writing while mumbling stuff about "stimuli" and "gelotology".

"Jell-O®-tall-agee?" Mike immediately latched onto the word, Tickle Ninja forgotten for the moment. "What's 'Jell-O®-tall-agee'?"

"Gelotology is the study of laughter and its effects on the human—or in this case, turtle—body."

"Laughter? Don't you mean 'Jell-O®'? Why call it 'Jell-O®-tall-agee' if it's about laughter? Why not call it 'laughter-tall-agee'? That makes more sense."

Don simply stared at Mike.

"I mean, really, things should be called what they are! 'Jell-O®-tall-agee' should be the studying of Jell-O® and its effects on the turtle body—especially THIS turtle's body! I think we still have a box or three in the kitchen!" And he had immediately run off to mix up some tasty strawberry-kiwi Jell-O®, bemoaning the fact that the Jell-O® company no longer made chocolate and bubble gum flavors….

Don certainly hadn't found that funny.

Don.

Leo suddenly remembered that he should have been home a LONG time ago! Don and Raph would eventually be done with their writing assignments. Maybe they'd even gotten up to use the bathroom. He needed to get home!

The little clock he still carried, along with his precious stolen copy of the Best and Most Hardest Kata Ever in the Entire World for Leonardo to Master Before Michelangelo, indicated that it was almost PAST the expected time of Splinter's return!

Leo, with all the skill and speed he possessed, raced home as only a Desperate Rule-Breaking Turtle trying to beat an Unsuspecting Parent back to the lair could race.

Voices stopped him just before he came into sight of the hidden entrance.

"I'm tellin' ya, he's taken off!" Raph's irritated tones echoed up the tunnel.

"I think it's a trick," Don's voice, sounding just as irritated as his brother's, also wafted towards Leo. "He's hiding somewhere, I'm sure of it."

Leo stealthily crept forward and soon saw two Bad Turtles out of the lair and in the tunnel! Raph was halfway up towards the far end, while Don held the door open.

Righteous indignation oozed from every pore.

Boy, you two are gonna be in so much trouble! How dare you go out of the lair when Master Splinter said to stay inside? Man, some guys have to be watched all the time.

"Well I think that he's run off to do something, even though Splinter said stay in the lair. That's what I woulda done if I'd been in charge. LeoNERDo isn't perfect after all!"

Well, in my case, it's different! After all, I AM better than you, Hamato Raphael.

"That's not news," Don said, and Leo could feel real anger building up inside him.

And you, Hamato Donatello, are not as smart as you think you are, lurking out here in the tunnels instead of being inside where you are supposed to be. Honestly, you listen too much to Raph. I must get you to….

"We've searched the entire lair," Don went on. "But I'm still convinced he's hiding, just to catch us out."

"We've searched the entire lair," Raph agreed. "Every known hiding place there is. Don, the lair ain't exactly Central Park. There ain't many places the mighty Leonardo can hide! I'm tellin' ya, he's taken off!"

Don, scanning the area, moved off in the same direction as Raph. Leo, seeing his chance, immediately worked his way from shadow to shadow, and with a perfectly timed leap, gained access to the home—and contemplated slamming and locking the door on his wayward brothers.

But the folder under his arm reminded him he had other things to deal with first, so for the moment he let them keep searching.

A quick, stealthy look into the dojo showed him Mike sound asleep; a thin line of drool was escaping from the corner of his mouth, and his arms cuddled one of the practice dummies for a pillow.

Quickly, Leo ran to his own room and stashed the notes with the kata into his own notebook, then replaced them with a few blank pages. He knew that Splinter would keep Mike on punishment when he got home, so Leo would have time before they went to bed to copy the kata and then replace the original in Mike's folder.

A quick trip to Splinter's room to put the folder in the blue binder, just to be safe, and then he casually strolled out to chide the other two.

"What are you two doing out there?" Leo demanded from the doorway in his bestest, sternest (Future) Leader voice. It took much control for him not to smirk at the way Raph and Don had jumped in shock, though the looks on their faces did draw the beginnings of a smile to Leo's own visage.

One hand on the door knob, one fist on his hip, he glared his best Furious Glare at them, and then gestured with a pointing finger in the direction of the living room, not even deigning to voice the command.

"Where the hell were ya?" Raph demanded as Don entered first. But Leonardo once again pointed to the couch, brow creased in severe displeasure, mouth turned downward into as grim an appearance he could muster.

Raph wasn't phased.

"You were out and ya snuck in just when we went out to look for ya," Raph accused, but Leo merely gestured once again towards the couch.

"Ya can't fool me, Leo! I tore this place apart lookin' for ya. You were outside, and Splinter told us all to stay in! Admit it!"

"Couch! Now!" Leo snapped.

"You was out of the lair!"

"I was never out of the lair," Leo calmly asserted. "You just aren't that good at finding me. Now, for the last time, get inside and sit down on that couch!"

Raph crossed his arms, getting ready to refuse, when the sound of Splinter's little wagon signaled his approach. He scooted inside and leaped onto the couch, right next to Don, looking like the perfect angel child and leaving Leo holding the door open.

"Why is that door open?"

Leo gulped.

"Um…. I had to…."

"Never mind, help me with these supplies. Quickly!" Splinter wasted little time in getting his wagon safely inside. For a brief moment he ducked back outside, but was in again before Leo could find out what he was about.

Once in, Splinter seemed to give a sigh of relief.

"I am sorry to be so late," he said as the three came to unload and put away what their sensei had returned with. "But the tunnels were full of activity today. There were many humans around, searching for something, and I had to take many different paths home just to be safe. I am certain that they were near the old drainage junction earlier, from what I overheard. Leonardo, you are not to go there until I can ascertain if they pose a future threat."

"Hai, Sensei," Leo bowed even as he stored the canned goods in the cupboard."

"Now, did you two finish your assignments?" Splinter asked as he put the kettle on to make some much needed tea.

"Yeah, we finished," Don said.

"An hour ago," Raph added with a very meaningful glance at Leo. "And then we played 'hide and seek' with Leo."

Splinter, occupied with his tea and the remaining supplies, merely said "that is good, my sons. I will read them after supper. I was able to get some spaghetti today, so we will have that I think. And a nice spinach salad to go with it."

He turned to Leonardo.

"Go and summon Michelangelo from the dojo. He may watch television with you all until dinner."

"Do I allow him to retrieve his notebook, Sensei?"

"No, that will remain with me. I want peace and quiet for the next hour. I will fix supper."

Leo went to get Mike, and as he walked, he felt taller than he'd ever felt in his life. The realization of everything that had taken place today was beginning to hit him.

He stopped at the dojo, struck in thought.

He'd snuck out of the lair, despite orders to the contrary. He'd led human intruders to almost Certain Death (well, maybe not death, but still…). He'd managed to make his brothers look like the rule breakers by getting back inside without being seen. He had even beaten his father home, and the rat was none the wiser for his earlier absence.

And he had nearly mastered the Kata of all Katas!

No wonder he felt so tall… he was Almost a Grown-Up!

And with this euphoric feeling carrying him on, he woke up his brother with a promise of watching "Spiderman and his Amazing Friends" with him.

T.B.C.