The sun rose up over the distant hills, filling the fields with bright yellow light. The sky was clear and the air was silent, except for the chirping of distant birds. Megan sighed as she sat on the edge of her bed, staring out the window at the brightening horizon, dreading the coming of the day. She glanced at the clock. Almost six-thirty.
She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. A horrible nightmare had plagued her dreams over and over, and each time she had woken up, a nagging feeling of despair and dread clung to her, causing her to feel as if she were leaving everything that had meaning in her life to go back to a place of empty dreams and broken promises. She couldn't help but wonder to herself if she was making a mistake.
Slowly, she hopped off the bed and opened her suitcase. The wooden floor was cold under her feet, so she grabbed some socks and put them on. Not bothering to brush her hair or get dressed, she tip-toed quietly down the stairs, trying her hardest not to wake any of the others.
She sat down on the couch and grabbed up a piece of notebook paper. It had always been so much easier for her to write out her feelings. Sighing, she picked up a pen and began to write.
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Michaelangelo yawned and rolled over, his eyes scanning the clock before closing them again. Only six-forty-five. Plenty of time to sleep. He snuggled down into the covers. Wait a minute! Six-forty-five! They're leaving in a few hours. I gotta get up!
Sleepily, Mike dragged himself out of bed. It wasn't like him to get up this early in the morning. He liked to sleep in until eight or so, then get up and lay on the couch to watch some cartoons before cooking breakfast. This was just too early. Stretching, he snatched up a blanket, wrapped it around himself, and waddled out of the room, being careful not to wake Raphael as he tip-toed past. I could sure use a cup of coffee!
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Raph laid in his bed, pretending to sleep as Mike left the room. The truth was, he hadn't gotten much sleep at all last night. The dancing, eating, and the overall excitement of yesterday had really worn him out, but his mind kept racing, running the haunting thoughts over and over again in his mind. She's leaving today. The one girl who's ever bothered to get to know me. The only one who will probably ever care. And I'm losing her. She'll go on with her life, find someone else...a human guy who she'll fall in love with. She'll be happy, her life will go on, and she'll forget all about me.
Damn! He wanted to cuss out loud, to curse the world for making him what he was, to condemn the human race for having such closed minds, for taking her away from him, for breaking up a love that was probably never meant to be in the first place. But most of all, he wanted to curse himself for not being able to tell her how he felt.
Why can't I just tell her I want her to stay? But there was a wall he had worked so hard at building up for so long, and the thought of tearing down some of that wall to get close to her frightened him. He had never had to share his emotions before. Of course Splinter and his brothers had tried to get him to open up to them, to allow them to share his pain, but he had almost always refused. He could do that with them. But she was different.
He closed his eyes again, not wanting to live this day, hoping that his body would finally give in to sleep, and that maybe no one would notice, and he could wake up tomorrow, after the pain of this day was already gone.
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"Megan?", she looked up, startled to find Mike and April standing over her. "Whatcha doin'?", the turtle asked her before taking a sip of coffee from the brown mug.
Megan forced a smile. "Just...thinking.", she sighed.
April returned her smile. "Look, Megan, you know you don't have to go. Casey and I would love to have you stay with us until you could get on your feet."
"Yeah.", Mike interrupted. "Or you could even stay with me. A lot less crowded too."
Megan forced another smile. "Thanks guys. You really are true friends, but...", she lowered her eyes, straining to hold back the tears that might spill over as she spoke. "I have to go back. The house is there, all of my stuff, my job. Even if I wanted to...I would still have to sell the house, quit my job, move my stuff..."
"We could help you.", April said. We could rent one of those big moving trucks and--"
"Thanks.", Megan laid the pad down face first on the endtable. "I really appreciate it, but I don't want to be a burden on you guys."
"But you wouldn't be--"
"Yes, I would April. You and Casey just got married. You need some time alone together. And it's gonna be hard work for you to peice together your apartment again. I would just be in the way."
"That's why you should come stay with me!", Mike spoke up. "Heck, even Raph could--"
The sound of his name sent waves of hurt through her. She had been trying desperately all morning not to think about him, but now he was all she could think about. "Thanks Mike.", she said quietly, trying to hold back her anguish. "But I have to go back. Atleast for a while."
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"Raph? What's the matter with you?"
"Just leave me alone Leo, okay?", he turned on his side to face the wall, his back toward his brother.
"I just don't get it.", Leo's tone was harsher than he'd meant it to be. "I mean, she's leaving today, and you won't even go say goodbye to her?"
"Why should I?", Raph's voice was muffled by the pillow. "Do you see her up here saying anything to me?"
Leo rolled his eyes. "Raph, I'm sure this is hard for her. It's hard for you both, but that doesn't mean--"
"Yeah? And just what would you know about it anyway?", Raph turned to face his brother again and sat up.
Leo just sighed.
"How would you possibly know what's hard for me and what isn't, huh? Maybe I want her to leave, ever think of that?"
Raph's cheeks were lighting up with a hint of red, indicating to Leo that maybe he should back off a little. "Fine.", he said quietly. "You do what you want. But sitting up here moping isn't gonna do you any good, and it isn't gonna take the pain away. In fact, the only thing that'll do is make it worse."
Raph glared at Leo, but didn't respond. Instead he laid back down and rolled over again. "Just leave me alone Leo. Mind your own business. "
Leonardo sighed, but didn't move from his place. Instead he remained quiet, figuring that Raph needed someone to vent to right now, and if given time, maybe he would open up.
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Megan closed her eyes. She could hear them arguing all the way down here. This wasn't how she'd imagined her fair well to go.
"Raph, I'm sure this is hard for her. It's hard for you both, but that doesn't mean--" Leo's voice wafted down the stairs, catching everyone's attention. Casey, Splinter and Shadow came into the room to join Mike and April. They stood there silently, avoiding one another's gaze. Megan wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere.
"Yeah? And just what would you know about it anyway?", Raph's angry voice answered. "How would you possibly know what's hard for me and what isn't, huh? Maybe I want her to leave, ever think of that?"
The others turned to look at her, sympathy on their faces. Megan couldn't take their stares and concern, not right now. She rose quickly and ran for the door as the tears began to fall.
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Don and Robyn sat in the quiet of the morning, watching the birds hop playfully from tree to tree. The sunlight sparkled in Robyn's green eyes, reminding Don of two big emeralds.
"My boss is gonna kill me when I get back.", she smirked. "My vacation was only supposed to be for a week!"
"Hmmm...yeah. And you haven't called him?"
"Naw. With the all the excitement, I just plain forgot!"
Don smiled at her, saying nothing. She returned the smile and gazed up at the trees with their brightly colored fall leaves. "It's beautiful here."
"Yeah. It really is.", Don turned his attention toward the trees as well. "So...you're coming back, right?"
"Of course.", Robyn smiled. "I have to. I have good friends and family here. Not even God himself could keep me away."
Don returned the smile. "Good, cuz otherwise you'd never get to see my progress." Don held up his hand, a new determination filling his features.
She smiled big at him. "That's the spirit!"
"I'm determined. I'm gonna use this thing again, even if I have to devise something to make it work. I'm not gonna give up. I can do anything I put my mind to. You showed me that."
"I did?", she asked surprised.
"Well...yeah.", Don blushed slightly. "I mean, look how you pulled through." His face grew serious for a moment. "You really had me scared there for a while."
Robyn laid a hand on his bandaged one and looked him in the face. "Yeah, well, we're strong, Donatello. You're gonna be just fine."
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"Maybe we should go after her.", Mike offered.
"Naw.", Casey said evenly. "Just give her some time alone." Inside, he was burning with anger. He had worried that something like this might happen. He hated to see her hurt. But, he had warned her about this. He had told her what might happen if she got too close. He remembered what Splinter had said to him just a few days ago. ...We both need to learn to let go a little. He stared out the window, watching her leave. He's right. She's gotta make her own decisions. I can't make them for her anymore.
Leo hurried down the stairs, a frustrated look on his face. "There's just no talking any sense into him.", he shook his head sadly.
"Perhaps we could all use a little fresh air.", Splinter said softly, jogging Casey from his thoughts. The others nodded. It would be good to get out of the house for a while. Maybe things would be calmed down when they got back.
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Megan sat on the giant rock, staring out at the pond, the light breeze playing with her hair. There were so many things that she had wanted to say to him, and now it seemed as though none of them mattered anymore.
She figured that he had said those cruel things because he was hurting inside. He didn't really mean that. But the pain was still great. It was obvious to her now that her long awaited goodbyes would never come. He didn't want to say fair well. He couldn't.
She really didn't blame him. She knew what he must be thinking. She figured he had it set in his mind that this was the end. Maybe it was. Maybe she would never see him again. But that thought was almost unfathomable. Casey lived in New York. Of course she would be back...someday.
Tears began to stream down her cheeks again as she thought about the house she would be returning to; so empty, so absent of life, every room, every object reminding her of her parents, of death and sorrow...
She forced the thoughts from her mind and wiped at the tears with her sleeve. God, I can't believe I'm crying like this! She almost scolded herself for being such a fool. It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway...a human and a...turtle. The thought was almost comical to her for a moment. But she couldn't deny the feelings she had inside.
Sighing, she rose to her feet and journeyed down to the water's edge to stare at her reflection. A sad, weary face stared back up at her, reflecting all the pain she held inside. She stared at her peach skin, the long, flowing dark hair. We're so different. She couldn't deny that fact, yet it didn't really matter to her. But, maybe he feels differently. Otherwise, he would have asked me to stay.
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Raph tip-toed carefully down the stairs. He didn't want to draw anyone's attention. Finally Leo had given up and left him alone. That's all he wanted right now; for everyone to just go away and let him be. He was sick of their sympathetic looks and their little speaches and questions. He just wanted some time to think and for everyone to get off his back.
Once he was sure he had the house to himself, he plunked down on the couch and turned on the television. A news report was detailing an explosion from a couple of weeks earlier; the same news report that they had seen over twenty times already. A familair scene flashed on the screen; purple mountains, evergreens, a familiar rock structure laying in shambles.
Ever since the explosion at the fortress the news had been going crazy with speculative reports as to what had caused the phenomenon. One reporter had mentioned that his could have been a gang hideout Other theories had included sabotoge, robbery, drugs, and even the maffia. The reports had been very amusing, despite the seriousness of what had taken place there. If only they had known the real truth behind it. They had found many bodies, but the fire had burnt them so badly, their clothes and features were almost unrecognizable.
Raph switched the channel. Game shows and old Giligan's Island repeats were about all that were on. Sighing, he clicked off the tv and turned his attention to a stack of papers sitting on the floor. Hmmm...what's this junk? He picked up a crayon drawing of a sunset. Mikey.
He rolled his eyes and tossed the drawing back on the top of the pile, sending the rest of the papers scattering. Damn! He decided he better pick his mess up so the others wouldn't know he had been down here. He didn't want them to think he wanted their company.
He knelt down on the floor, snatching the papers up one by one, scanning the images briefly before stacking them back up. Hmmm...some of these drawings are pretty good. I didn't know Mikey could draw this well.
Suddenly, something grasped at his heart strings. He picked up a peice of paper and flipped it over, only to find an amazingly detailed image of himself staring back at him. "Wow!", he whispered in awe as he studied the intricate drawing. "It's...beautiful!" It was the most wonderful drawing he had ever seen. Every line, every color, every shadow seemed to leap out at him. But he wondered why Michaelangelo would draw him in his sleep. Then he spotted the signature at the bottom, and his heart almost skipped a beat. "Megan.", he whispered longingly.
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"It's a nice day outside.", Mike smiled as he entered the farmhouse again. "Too bad you have to leave today."
Robyn returned the smile. "Yeah, I know. But I'll be back soon. Maybe I'll come for Christmas so I can get a good taste of that New York snow. We don't get much of that in L.A."
Casey glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven. Time to go. "Megan?", he called. There was no answer.
"Guess she's not back yet.", April looked concerned. "Maybe I should go look for her..."
"No, it's okay.", they all turned to find Megan standing in the doorway. "I'm...back.", she mustered up all her energy to force a smile. "I'm ready to go Casey."
This was it. Time to go, to leave everything behind. Taking a deep breath, she glanced one last time up the staircase, sorrow filling her heart as she realized that he wasn't coming. He wasn't even going to say goodbye. She thought about going up there, to tell him all the things she had kept bottled up inside, but decided that it would only make matters worse.
"Goodbye, Megan." April wrapped her arms around her. "You know you're always welcome. If you change your mind..."
"Thanks, April. I may be back some day.", she forced a smile, knowing in her heart that it would be a very long time before her next visit. "And I may need to take you up on that offer."
Mike grabbed her tightly and a dull pain spread through her tender ribs. They had been healing so well, she had almost forgotten about her injuries. "We'll miss you!", he said sadly, reminding her of the little boy she used to babysit for.
"I'll miss you too, Mike, especially your chicken soup!", she said seriously.
"Goodbye, Megan.", Don gave her a quick hug. "Thanks...", he glanced down at his bandaged hand. "For everything."
She smiled at him. "No problem. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."
Next came Leo. They stood there for a moment, not speaking, just looking at one another before Leo handed her something. "Here.", he said somberly. "Raph...well, he wanted me to give this to you."
Megan took Raph's jacket from Leo and stared at it for a moment as vivid memories rushed through her. She closed her eyes, a lone tear escaping to run down her cheek.
"I'm sorry it worked out this way. I wish he could have come..."
"Thanks, Leo." They shared a quick hug. He wanted to tell her how Raph felt about her, how he could see it in his eyes, but he couldn't find the words.
"Goodbye my child.", Splinter took Megan's hand and smiled up at her, a gentle, kind smile that warmed her up inside and for a moment, seemed to ease the pain a little. As she embraced the rat in a hug, he whispered into her ear, "You will be back." She stared at him curiously for a moment, but said nothing.
Casey stepped up. "Time to go. It's a long drive to La Guardia airport." Megan exchanged hugs with Shadow and picked up her suitcase.
"Goodbye, Shadow. You be good for your mommy and daddy, okay?", she smiled.
"I will.", the little girl grinned. "Are you coming back for Christmas?"
Megan forced a smile. "We'll see.", but she doubted she would be returning that soon.
She stood there for a moment, looking each of them over, realizing how much she would miss them. She couldn't do this. She couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Raphael.
"I'll just be a minute, Casey.", she said softly. The others watched as she set down her bag and the jacket, and made her way up the stairs. She wasn't sure what she would say to him, only that if she didn't say something, she would live to regret it.
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The room was empty. The deadly silence mocked her as her footsteps echoed across the wooden floor. "Raph?", she called quietly. "You here?" But there was no answer.
I'm too late. He's gone. He probably doesn't want to see me. She sighed, and flopped down on the bed, her eyes floating up to stare at the ceiling above. There was nothing left to do now. It was time to leave, and he wasn't here.
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She hugged them all goodbye again, and got into the car. Still struggling with her sorrow, she forced a smile out the window. She was sure they all knew how she felt inside, but she didn't want them to worry for her. She would be fine. Wouldn't she?
Robyn exchanged one last hug with April and Don and scooted into the back seat as Casey loaded what little luggage she had into the trunk.
Megan flashed her a quick smile, then turned to face the front, staring out the windsheild at the road that would take her far away from this place.
Casey got in and started up the car. Megan gulped back the sorrow that threatened to engulf her as he shifted the car into drive. Just don't look back. You'll be okay if you just don't look back. The car began it's way slowly down the road. Don't look back...don't look back...
She looked back. The group slowly faded into the distance as they drove away, growing smaller and less recognizable the farther away they became. Mike held Shadow in his arms, both of them waving as they sped out of site. April stood with Don, Leo and Splinter. And finally, in the midst of them, standing alone, was Raphael.
Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredicatable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredicatable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life. --"Time Of Your Life" - Green Day
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She stared out the widow at the clouds below which covered the earth in a big, wooly blanket, masking the trees and water beneath. What am I doing? There was no turning back now. The plane was already in the air, on its way to California.
She wished for a moment that she and Robyn would have been able to sit together on the plane, but decided that maybe it was better this way. She really didn't want her to see how distraught she was, and she figured she could use the time alone.
"Excuse me miss.", she looked up to find the stewardess standing at the end of her row. "Would you like something to drink?"
Yeah, some Everclear would be nice right about now. "Sure. Can I have some water, please?" The lady filled up a cup and handed it to her.
"Thanks.", she said dryly.
The old woman sitting next to her had finally drifted off to sleep. What a relief. After staring at picture after picture of the woman's children, grandchildren and husband, she was ready for a breather. It wasn't the lady's fault. She was nice and everything, but Megan just wanted to be alone.
The temperature dropped slightly, and Megan shivered a little. She reached into her carry-on for a sweater, but her hand rested on something else. "Raph's jacket.", she whispered. She pulled it out and wrapped it around her shoulders, her thoughts drifting to him; the way they had sat ouside together, staring up at the stars, the way he had kissed her...
Why couldn't I tell him? Damn, we've been through so much. Why couldn't I tell him I didn't want to leave? What am I doing on this plane? Tears started to form in her eyes again, and she wiped at them quickly with the back of her hand. She remembered Raphael's words. Maybe I want her to leave! In the end, that was what had made up her mind, and she had known that it had probably worked out for the best that he hadn't been there when she'd forced herself up those stairs to say goodbye, because the tears would have fallen, and she may not have been able to let go.
Sighing, she thrust her hands into the pockets, and closed her eyes. Maybe she would atleast be able to get some sleep. But something wasn't right. She opened her eyes quickly, her right hand feeling around in the pocket, grasping a peice of paper.
She pulled it out slowly, her eyes growing wide as she unfolded it to gaze at its contents. My drawing! She stared at the picture of Raphael, her heart sinking. She stared at his face, so full of innocence and peace. That was how she had told herself she wanted to remember him. But, how had this gotten into Raph's pocket? Curiously, she flipped the page over, and two words stared back up at her, mocking her in their simplicity. Don't go.
"Oh, Raph!", she gasped as the tears began to flow. All that time she had been waiting for him to tell her how he'd felt, to say these words to her, and here they were, simple and tangible, on the very picture she'd drawn just a couple of days earlier as a way to remember him. I should never have left. He really did want me to stay. But why didn't he tell me? Anguish rushed through her as she turned in her seat to face the window, making sure that no one would see the tears fall as she sobbed.
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Mike tip-toed up the stairs to their room. As he entered, he found Raph staring out the window, his back toward the door.
Should I disturb him?
"Go away Mikey.", Raph muttered.
Guess that answers my question. "Okay, but here.", he set the pad of paper down next to Raph on the bed. "I just though you might like to have this. I found it on the table downstairs."
As Mike exited, Raph allowed his attention to fall on the notebook paper. He picked it up cautiously, hoping this wasn't another one of Mike's practical jokes. His eyes fell on the letters. Megan's handwriting.
As he read over the words, his heart began to leap into his throat.
The little river twittering in the twilight, The wan, wondering look of the pale sky, This is almost bliss. And everything shut up and gone to sleep, All the troubles and anxieties and pain Gone under the twilight.
Only the twilight now, and the soft "Sh!" of the river That will last forever.
And at last I know my love for you is here; I can see it all, it is whole like the twilight, It is large, so large, I could not see it before, Because of the little lights and flickers and interruptions, Troubles, anxieties and pains.
You are the call and I am the answer, You are the wish, and I the fulfilment, You are the night, and I the day. What else - it is perfect enough. It is perfectly complete, You and I, What more--?
Strange, how we suffer in spite of this.
He lowered the paper, and stared back out the window. She was almost home now. God, how he missed her. And now he knew that she really did love him. But she would carry on. She would forget about him someday and go on with her life. It would be easy for her. But as for him, he knew that this would probably be the only love he would ever have in his life. Atleast he could look back to fond memories, and know that it had happened for him once, that it was indeed possible for him to find happiness, and maybe some day he could love again.