Don scratched the back of his head nervously. "What I'm trying to say is...I mean, I'm sorry."

She looked into his face, studying the weary brown eyes. "Don't be Donatello. I wanted..." she lowered her gaze. "I mean, it was special to me, and I thought...well, I guess I'm the one who should be apologizing."

Don stared at her for a moment before continuing. "Naw. I'm the one...I mean...I should have never let it go that far. I'm not like that. Heck, I usually don't even think about stuff like that! Really, I never meant--"

"Don, I'm sorry I pushed you into that. If you didn't want to...if you didn't want me, you should have just said so. I can handle it. I'm a big girl."

Don opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't find the words. It was like his voice had been locked in a sound-proof vault, and he had forgotten the combination.

Robyn stood up and turned her back toward him, trying to hide her grief and disappointment. "I'm gonna go now. If anyone needs me, I'll be at April's."

Suddenly Don found his voice again. "Wait! Robyn, I..."

She paused for a moment before glancing back at him.

"I didn't mean that. Of course I wanted you, or I wouldn't have..." He cleared his throat nervously. "I mean, I just thought that you...that maybe you had only come to me because you were hurting. That maybe now that you had time to think about it, you'd decide it was all a mistake."

Robyn took a step toward him. "Don! Is that really what you thought?" His silence told her it was.

She walked over and sat next to him on the bed. "Do you really think I would use you that way?"

"No! Of course not!" he answered quickly, noting the hint of hurt in her features. "I just...I guess..." Spit it out Donatello. You have strong feelings for her...You care deeply about her...You love her.

"Don." Robyn laid her hand under his chin and rose it until their eyes met. "I would never do that to you. I consider you my dearest friend in the world! I wish you could know how much..." she almost choked on the last words. "How much you mean to me."

A smile played at the corners of Don's mouth. He took her hand, wrapping his healing fingers around it, squeezing it gently. "Yeah, me too." he said softly.

Michaelangelo surfed half-heartedly through the television channels, from talk show, to game show, to soap opera, finding absolutely nothing of interest. Finally, deeming that a waste of time, he tossed the remote onto the couch and headed for his room. He sat down at the desk and opened a drawer, revealing an old, blue bound book. Lifting it up carefully, he examined it in the dim desk light, tracing the tattered binding with his finger.

They had each gotten something of Splinter's when he died, but this was the only thing he'd really wanted. He wasn't quite sure why, but it meant a great deal to him to have a collection of his master's final thoughts and feelings. Perhaps it was the writer in him coming out, or maybe it was just the sense of life that poured from the pages. After a small argument and a lot of bargaining, Leo agreed to let him keep it.

He opened the cover, studying the faded pages. These were his memories, events from his life woven together like a rich tapestry. It was all he had left, yet it was so much. Casually, he thumbed through it, glancing at a few lines here and there until he came to the back of the book where a few blank pages stared back at him.

Mike picked up a pen, and after a few moments' thought, he laid the book down and began to write.

May 14, 1998

I really don't know where to begin. It's been so long since I last picked up a pen to write anything at all, let alone an entry in a journal. I guess I just feel the need to express myself, and this is the only way I know how at the moment. Since Master Splinter died, I have this emptiness inside, this nagging question about who I really am - who any of us are anymore.

Last night was really weird. It's an experience I won't soon forget. As the group of us meditated - all eight of us, I felt a really strange sensation, unlike I had ever experienced during meditation before. It was almost as if he was really there with us, and for a brief moment, I was happier than I've been in a long time.

When he first appeared, I thought it was only an illusion, but now I know that it was much more than that. He came back to show us he was okay, that he's happy now, that nothing on this earth can ever hurt him again. I have to admit, that's a comforting feeling. I wish that I could have that sense of peace. Not that I'm looking forward to death, I just wish that we could live differently. There are so many things I want to experience in this life, so many more things I want to accomplish.

And it's funny, but after seeing him again, instead of feeling hurt or upset, and despite all the new questions that have formed in my mind, I have a feeling of closure. He's here with us always, no matter what, and he'll always look down on us.

He closed the book and sat there for a moment, reflecting on his life, on all the things he would strive to carry out before he too was just a memory.

"Robyn...hi!"

"Hi. Uhhh...are you alone? Did I come at a bad time?"

Megan opened the screen and motioned for her to enter. "No, not at all. Raph's down in the lair right now. Come on in."

Robyn entered the house slowly, her eyes scanning the many photographs and drawings on the walls. The rich colors and vibrant pictures made her feel as though she were in an art museum.

Megan led her to the couch. "Do you want anything to drink? Some lemonade? It's fresh squeezed."

"Sure." Robyn nodded absent-mindedly, her eyes still fixated upon the pictures.

Megan returned and handed her a glass, noticing her curiousity. "Oh, these are just some sketches I drew up." she said casually.

Robyn gawked at them in awe. Just sketches? Geeze, if these are just sketches, I'd love to see the finished product!

Megan pointed out a drawing on the wall. "I drew that about five years ago for an art class I was in. I got kinda lazy toward the end. That's why the background and shading aren't all that good."

Robyn stared at the deep green shades of the forest background, and the realistic way the unicorn seemed to almost jump right out of the frame, and wondered how anyone could say such a thing about a peice of art such as this.

"That one above the fireplace, of course, was a drawing I made right before we left the farmhouse last October."

Robyn had heared about this picture but had never seen it. Now she knew what everyone kept going on about. Raphael was drawn with such care and attention to detail, he looked almost alive. She almost thought she could see his chest rising and falling as he slept.

Megan broke her train of thought. "Most of the rest of these are just photos and stuff of Raph and I."

She pointed to various frames hanging on the walls. "That's one of us at the music festival in Central Park. And this one...well, I caught him as he was coming out of the shower..."

Robyn gazed at the pictures. The two of them looked so happy together. It was as if they didn't even notice their differences at all. That's how she hoped it could be for her and Don too. And that thought reminded her of her purpose for coming here.

"Megan...?"

Megan stopped gabbing about the pictures and turned to her, sensing an uneasiness in her voice.

"Yeah?"

"I don't really know how to start..."

Megan just stared at her curiously, waiting for her to continue.

"I just, well...what is it like, living with a mutant turtle?"

Megan smiled at her. "This is about Donatello, isn't it?"

Robyn looked shocked. "What? I...well--"

"Hey, you don't have to cover it up. Raph and I already know."

Robyn's face flashed pink for a moment. "Yeah, well...I figured you might, since you found us at April's together that day."

"Yeah, well, it was kinda obvious..."

"I dunno." Robyn sighed. "He just makes me feel..."

"Good? Crazy? Safe?"

"Yeah."

"I know what you mean."

"He's so different from all the other guys I've been with. I mean, God knows Collin never treated me half as good. And those other guys I met at those clubs...talk about puke!"

Megan smiled. "Yeah, I'd have to say Don is quite different from your typical 'meet market' type."

Robyn returned the smile. "It's just so...weird, you know? So different..."

"Yeah." Megan sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions. "And so wonderful."

They sat there for a while in silence. Robyn had been unsure coming to Megan about this. She felt a little funny seeking advice about her love life from someone younger and seemingly more innocent than herself. Yet, behind those glowing brown eyes, laid a spark of adventure, of places traveled that she had never been before, of life experience beyond her years, and suddenly she felt comfortable. Besides, Megan understood. She was in love with a turtle herself.

"It's hard sometimes." Megan said, breaking the silence. "You know, trying to go places and do things...to live a normal life."

Robyn could see how this would be true. "Yeah", she admitted, "But at least you live in a house. Don's still in the sewers. God, I can't imagine spending my life down there. Do you know how high our water bill would be with all those showers I'd have to take daily?"

They began to giggle. It felt good to laugh. It had been such a long time since Robyn had felt this free. Maybe it was Don, or maybe it was just having another woman to talk about this to, but whatever the case, it was exhilarating.

"I know things are tough on you." Megan said. "But you'll get another job soon. I'm sure of it. And then you can move into a normal place like us."

Robyn nodded. "Yeah, that is, if he wants to move in with me..."

"Hey, hey! Look, it's elbow pad man!" Raph shouted as Donatello entered the training room. "The man of the bare elbow..." Mike giggled and Leo flashed him a stern look. It had been a long time since Donatello had stepped foot in here. Leo didn't want Raph to chase him away so quickly.

"Donatello...and elbow...you know, those almost rhyme?"

"Raph...shut up." Leo warned.

Don gave Raph a dirty look and turned his back toward him, to face Leo.

"So...what brings you here, bro?" Leo asked casually.

Don stared into his eyes. "I wanna spar."

Leo tried to mask his surprise and uncertainty. "Spar? Ummm...sure, okay."

"But I thought you were never gonna fight again. I thought you--"

"Shush, Michaelangelo." Leo commanded.

Mike looked insulted. "Sheesh! Sorry!"

Raph shook his head and grabbed up a weapon. "Well...you threw out your bo, and we don't have a spare, so hope this'll do." He handed Don one of Casey's hockey sticks.

Don took it reluctantly in his good hand and studied it carefully. The others stood in silence watching the concentration and thought on his face. Leo couldn't help but compare it to the look he gave while studying those nuclear physics books he was always reading.

Finally, Don looked up at them. "Okay, this will do I guess."

"You sure about this, Don?" Leo was a little worried. He remembered how frustrated his brother had gotten the last time he'd stepped foot in here, and he had vowed never to spar again. He was concerned for his emotional state, but he figured that this was something Don felt he needed to work out.

Don nodded. "I'm sure."

"Why don't you and Mike start out, and I'll take Raphael?"

Mike smiled. Fighting a one-handed opponent? This was going to be easy!

Leo noticed Mike's grin and shouted out a warning. "Go easy on him, Mike, he hasn't sparred in a while."

Don flashed him a mischevious grin. "What, you think that just because I've missed a few practices, I can't stand up to you guys?

"N...no, Don, that's not what I meant at all. I just meant that since...well...since the accident..."

Suddenly, Don lashed out with the hockey stick, nearly tripping Leo, if not for his quick reflexes. Leo jumped over the stick just on time, and rolled into a back flip before landing on his feet again.

"Whoa, Don! Where'd you learn that?" Leo gasped.

Raph and Mike just stared at him, their jaws hanging open, and their eyes wide.

"Wait." Don grinned. "There's more." He began to twirl the stick in his right hand, then, making sure he had all of their attention, he reached over and grabbed it with his left before stepping into a defensive stance.

Leo stared down at Don's hands, then back up to his face. "Y...your hand...it's better?"

Don's smile widened as he lowered his arms and stood up in a casual position. "Well, not fully, but it's healing. Glad to see you finally noticed."

Mike and Raph rushed over to him, and Mike lifted his hand, studying it carefully. "Wiggle your fingers!" he cried excitedly.

Don did as he was told. Raphael gasped as the muscles in Don's hand flexed, not fully operational yet, but moving all the same. "Holy crap! Why didn't you tell us?"

Don looked at each of them in turn. "I just noticed it a few days ago, right after Splinter...well, there just wasn't an appropriate time to tell you."

Leo gave Don a noogie. "It's great to have you back, bro." He turned to the others. "Now, come on, let's get started."

The night sky was beautiful. All of the stars were out, shining brightly, even through the smoggy New York skies. As they ran, the grass crunched evenly beneath their feet, cold and wet, sticking to their toes. Raph glanced back at her, noticing how the dress billowed in the wind and clung to her body, giving her that familiar angelic quality. She was beautiful, and for the moment, all he wanted to do was stare at her, to never take his eyes off her, but there was no time for that right now.

He reached back and grabbed her hand, turning his attention back toward the dark streets. Why it was necessary to get there so quickly, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that something nagged at him, told him he must act quickly. As they neared the intersection, he let go of her hand and pressed the walk button. The light was still red, but that urgency returned, and after a quick glance down the street, he began to run across.

"Wait! Don't leave me, Raph!" Megan called after him. He glanced back, seeing the uncertainty in her face.

"It's okay!" he called out. "Come on! Come with me!"

After a final moment of decision, she stepped out and began to run after him. That's when his whole world crahsed down around him.

The screech of tires, an ear peircing scream, and a loud thud filled his ears. Frightened at what he might find, he forced himself to stop and look back. A car, blood, a crowd forming, a flash of material, broken glass...

Without thinking, he ran to the scene, shoving people out of his way. He hurried to her side, sinking to his knees, nearly vomiting as the smell of blood wafted through the air. She lay there, still and quiet, red sticky liquid running down the side of her head, soaking the top of her gown. He picked up her head and laid it in his lap, the hot tears forming in his eyes and spilling over his cheeks.

"Megan...Megan, can you hear me?" He patted her cheeks. "Megan, wake up. Come on, Megan, dammit!" He laid her head back down on the concrete and crouched over her, lowering his head to her chest. There was nothing. An empty silence shouted back at him. Her heart wasn't beating. She wasn't breathing!

"God...no!" he gasped in fright. Suddenly his whole world was snatched away from him. He felt nauseous as everything around him began to spin. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so careless with the only thing that had ever brought him joy?

"Megan, come on! I need you! You can't die! Don't leave me!!!!" His anguished voice rose into the night. The crowd was gone. It was only the two of them now, him and his sleeping beauty, who would never wake up to his kiss again. "No, Megan! NO!!!!!

He woke up with a start, the liquid pouring down his forehead, the sheets soaked with sweat. He turned his eyes immediately toward the bed beside him. It was empty. He threw back the covers and jumped up, running through the house. He bumped into someone, almost causing them to fall over.

"Raph?" Megan gasped. He lifted his gaze and stared her in the face, a pale, frightened look twisting his features. "Are you okay? I heard you yell..."

He grabbed her, a little harder than he intended, and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her tightly, nearly suffocating her in the process.

"God Megan, don't you ever do that, okay?"

Megan stared at him in shock. "Do what Raph? What is it?"

He looked at her for a moment before wrapping his hands around the back of her head. "Don't ever leave me, okay?" Still confused, she nodded as he began to kiss her cheeks and mouth.

"Hey Don, wait up!"

Donatello slowed his pace and turned to face Raphael. "What do you want?"

Raphael wasn't quite sure how to begin. He had never really shared his feelings with any of his brothers before, and after all the teasing he had put Don through during training yesterday, he wasn't sure if he should even be asking.

He cleared his throat and decided to get right to the point. "Don, I...need a favor."

Don looked at him. "A favor? With the way you embarassed me in front of Leo and Mike yesterday, you want me to do you a favor?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest and shot Raph a dirty look.

Raphael sighed. "Look Don, I'm sorry, okay? But geeze, I mean come on. It's just so obvious. I mean, first Megan finds you two alone at April's, and by the way she described it, there was more than a little hanky panky going on, then you showed up late to see Christian, and that elbow pad...man, you gotta admit, that was a dead give away!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, come off it, Donatello. You think I don't know? You think I don't see the way you look at her?"

"Look, Raph, I don't get into your business, so stay outta mine!" Don turned angrily and headed toward his room. Raphael trotted after him.

"Don..."

"Robyn and I are just friends."

"Oh yeah, sure, then why do you have that big red spot on your neck?"

Don turned around quickly and slapped his hand to his neck, his eyes growing wide.

"Ha ha ha!!! Gotcha!" Raph laughed.

Donatello just growled angrily and walked away from him again.

Raph grew serious again. "Come on, Don...wait."

Sensing the urgency in his voice, Donatello stopped in his tracks and turned toward Raphael again.

"What is it?"

"Look Don...I'm sorry for yesterday, alright? I'll stay out of your business from now on if that's how you want it. But I really do need a favor."

Don could tell by the look on his face that he was serious.

"I had this dream last night..."

"Oh great, let me guess...it had to do with me and a missing elbow pad, right? Well save it, okay?"

He turned his back on him and unlocked his door, hoping like heck that Robyn wouldn't be in there waiting for him. If Raph saw that, he would never be able to live it down.

"I...I dreamed that Megan...died." Raph blurted out.

Don turned around and stared at him. "Whoa..."

"Yeah. It was so real too. And the worst thing about it was...it was my fault. And I couldn't do anything to save her. And I just felt..."

Don bit his lip and lowered his eyes. "Empty?"

"Yeah. Well, sort of. But it's more than that."

Don looked at him. "You wanna come in?"

"Master Splinter?"

"My son."

He gazed up into those wise, loving eyes, the eyes that only a few days ago, he thought he'd never see again. Suddenly, he was filled with a peace he hadn't felt in a long time. Splinter hovered above him for a moment before slowly sinking down next to him in a lotus position.

The foggy mist swirled around them, but Michaelangelo hardly noticed. Instead, his attention was on his master.

"I miss you so much, master Splinter!"

"And I miss you as well, my son."

"Things just haven't been the same without you! There's this big empty spot in our lives, and--"

"Michaelangelo, I understand what it is to lose someone you care about. I experienced the same emotions when my master Yoshi died. But you should not mourn the dead, my son. Death is just the moment the spirit leaves the physical body to move on to a better existence. Do not look at death as the end, but as a new beginning."

Mike stared into the rat's face. How he wished he could have that peace. Not that he wanted to die, on the contrary, he wanted so much to live, to be able to live his life like everyone else, to do the things he had always dreamed of.

"Do not worry, Michaelangelo, you and your brothers will be fine. Your futures are very bright. Great things are in store for you. Everything will turn out for the best."

"Master, what does the future hold for us? What's going to happen? How do you know--"

"My son, the future is not for the living. You must dwell in the present, live life to its fullest, and make all of your days count."

"But master...you know what's going to happen to us, don't you?"

Suddenly, the rat's image began to fade. "Master Splinter, wait! Wait!"

"Wait!"

His eyes flew open and he found himself on the living room floor. Damn! A feeling of frustration flooded through him. Why was it so hard to concentrate? Why couldn't he keep Splinter there for just a moment longer? At least he knew that Splinter was okay. He could still talk to him when he needed to. He would always be with them. But now a new question plagued his mind. What did the future hold? What was it that Splinter was not telling him?

"Wow! Are you sure, Raph? I mean--"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Don sat there for a moment, just staring in awe at his brother, the one he had grown up with for almost twenty-three years. This was not the Raphael he had once known. This was someone totally different, with caring and sympathy and compassion.

"Y...you must really love her, huh?"

For the first time in his life, Raphael met Donatello's eyes and held them, allowing him to see into his soul, into his thoughts and desires.

"Yeah." he said quietly. "I really do, Don."

He wasn't quite sure what to say. A request such as this was one that he never expected. "You're sure you know what you're getting yourself into..."

"Yeah Don. Look, I've never...I've never felt like this before, ya know? I've never wanted...needed something so much."

They were silent for a while, neither one looking at the other for a few moments, until at last, Don spoke. "That's how you know, isn't it?"

Raph looked up at him, not quite understanding what Don was getting at.

"About me and Robyn, I mean..."

Raphael nodded. "When you've been there, you can see things that other people can't. I know love when I see it. I've seen it in Megan's eyes a thousand times. And I see it in yours when you look at her."

Don could feel his face growing flushed. "Yeah, well..."

"Look, if you don't wanna talk about it..."

"Naw, it's okay, Raph. Actually, I've got some questions...if you don't mind..."

"Shoot."

Don cleared his throat, unsure where to start. "How do you know...when the time's right?"

"The time? For what?"

"You know...the time for...that."

A smirk spread across Raph's face. "Ohhh....for that! Heh heh heh!" He didn't answer that, he just looked at him weird. "You know, I guess it's different for everybody, but as for me, I can always tell when it's happened to someone."

Donatello grew nervous. "H...how?"

Raph giggled a little. "Well, when they get that certain rosey glow like you had the other night."

Don just stared at him in disbelief.

Raph smiled.

"We don't get 'rosey', Raph, we're green. We're turtles, remember?"

"Hey, gotcha again!" Raph smiled, but Don could tell there was a seriousness behind his eyes. Raph laid a hand on Don's shoulder, his tone growing somber. "So...will you do it?"

Don nodded. "Yeah...you got it."

Late that night, a turtle sat in his lab, working fervently in the dim light. He picked up a vial and studied it carefully before pouring a few drops onto a slide so he could examine it under the microscope.

"Hmmm...very interesting. I never knew..." He scribbled something down in a notebook and picked up the next vial, holding the red liquid up to the light. "Let's see what happens when I add this to this." He poured some of the liquid into a petrie dish and watched as it mixed with another substance.

Later, he would come back and check on this as well.

After several hours, he was finally getting close. He could feel it. He knew this would take a lot of work and dedication, but he figured that if he could master this experiment, it would mean a great deal to his future as well.

He glanced up at the clock. Two a.m. But still he urged himself to go on. He picked up a mug and sipped the warm liquid, trying to keep himself awake. This was his fifth cup of coffee tonight. Yet still, he worked, determined to find out what these extra strands in the codes were from. As he picked up another vial, he yawned and poured it on another slide.

"Raphael, you better be darn greatful for this. I'm loosing my genious sleep..."