"Raphael, sit down."
Raph scratched the back of his head nervously and did what Splinter requested. As he lowered to his knees on the mat, he could feel the old rat's gaze burning into him like hot coals. He found himself wishing he could look away, or even blink, but something about the wise old eyes held him there, entranced.
"Master, I--"
"Hush, Raphael."
Raph closed his mouth and stared at his sensei. He was actually greatful for Splinter's command, as for once, he really didn't know what to say anyway.
"Would you like to tell me what you were thinking, Raphael?"
Raph's palms began to sweat as his thoughts drifted to a couple of nights earlier. It had been a really shitty night. First the screaming kid, then the guy calling him a freak, and then...
He closed his eyes as waves of hurt washed through him. He still couldn't shake the pain of the man's words, or the feeling of disgrace toward his master for killing the guy. He wished he could crawl into a hole somewhere and hide for awhile, just bury all that negative stuff so no one could ever find it.
"Raphael, look at me."
The turtle opened his eyes slowly, and was greeted by a wise old face. He remembered back to when he was young, long before he ever began to stalk the night streets, and even before he'd ever received his bandana, a symbol of pride and honor from his master. Splinter had always taught them to care for others, and to protect them at all costs. Even though he knew that he had saved that woman's life, he still had a nagging feeling that he had let his sensei down. He knew though, that Splinter had put that behind them now. This conversation concerned other matters.
"You have always kept so much anger bottled up inside, but now I look into your eyes, and find only compassion. What could it be that has turned your heart around?"
Raph gulped down a nervous lump in his throat and lowered his eyes to the ground. "I..."
Splinter kept his gaze fixed on his pupil. "Raphael, I know it is hard to live in a human's world."
The turtle lifted his eyes in wonder, and stared at the aging rat. He thought for a brief moment that he could almost see pain behind those brown eyes, a touch more silver in his fur.
"And I also know of the love that you and Megan share."
Raph's eyes widened slightly. I knew it! He knows. I knew that's what this discussion was about! Dammit!
Splinter kept his gaze pinned on Raphael's. The turtle wanted desperately to break free from the icy stare, but it was almost as if Splinter's eyes were magnets, and his were bits of metal, being drawn ever closer, holding him there, not allowing him to turn away.
"You must be careful, my son. You are not human--"
"Raphel interrupted. "But I am like a human, master! I walk upright, I talk, I have feelings, I--"
"Yes, that is true.", the rat answered quietly. "But the fact remains that you are not one of them--"
"But what does that matter?", Raph interrupted again. "God master, you're starting to sound as bad as Casey! Sheesh! Megan doesn't care! She likes me for what I am, and I feel the same way about her... I love her for chrissakes!"
Raphael lowered his eyes to the ground, breathing heavily. He hadn't been that angry since he killed that mugger. He had almost forgotten what it felt like.
Splinter sat in quiet contemplation. He had always known how Raphael felt about Megan, but never had his son actually spoken those vital three words to any of them. He gazed at Raphael for a moment, wondering at the miraculous phrase that had just flowed with ease from his mouth. Raphael has admitted that he is in love with a human... He let the words sink in for a moment more before he spoke.
"Do you understand the meaning of your words, Raphael?"
Raph gulped down a nervous lump of saliva. "Yes, Master...I do.", he said quietly.
"You have given yourself to her. You have made an unspoken commitment."
Raphael lifted his eyes once again to gaze into the wise, old face. He said nothing for the moment, but ran that word over and over again through his mind. Commitment. It seemed like a foreign concept to him, one that he'd only recently had to experience. He had never commited to anything before in his life. He had to admit to himself that the thought frightened him a little.
Splinter sensed his discomfort. "You have promised your heart to her, Raphael, as she has done with you. You must be sure to take care of one another, and no matter what, you must overcome your differences."
Raphael understood. Things would be hard for the two of them. Afterall, they were from two very different worlds. He was a ninja turtle from the sewers, and she was a human from the world above. Splinter was telling him that now that he'd made his decision, he couldn't go back on it. His life would be forever changed. He had a woman to take care of now, a responsibility to her. The thought frightened him for a moment, but as he knelt there, thinking it over, his nerves slowly faded, and he realized that this was what he'd wanted all along.
April 20I awakened with a very strange feeling this morning, almost as if I were floating outside of my body. The sensation only lasted for a moment, however, and then it was gone. I have also had a sinking feeling all day, as if something monumental is about to take place. As of yet, I have seen nothing out of the ordinary, however.
April 21My nightmares continue. I am trapped in a prison, in a land where I do not belong, for a crime I did not commit. I am alone, helpless. That same feeling of dread takes over my body. It is a frightening sensation, yet it fills me with a certain sense of peace. I only wish that I could interpret its meaning.
Leonardo stared blankly at the pages for a moment, contemplating the interpretation of his master's words. What was going on? Why hadn't Splinter told any of them about his haunting dreams? Deciding that he needed to learn more, he flipped the page and continued reading.
April 24I saw my master Yoshi's house once again. It felt good to be home, but there was also something very haunting about that place. Perhaps some of the old demons from the past have refused to depart, but I believe there is something more to it. I do not know what is going to happen, but I fear for our very lives. I can not tell my sons just yet, however, for they tend to overreact at disturbing news. I must be able to explain these visions before I approach the subject. I plan to spend the next few days deep in meditation. Hopefully that will provide me with the answers I desire.
April 26I believe that my efforts are drawing me ever closer to my goal. Today I entered my old home. It was as I remembered, although our few humble belongings were long gone. It felt good to stand within those walls once again. However, the sensation of dread and warning grew ever stronger. I do not know what this could mean. Perhaps there is more to my past than I am aware of. No matter. I will continue to search until I find what I am looking for.
April 30I fear that my stamina has not been holding up as well as I would have liked. I find myself growing weak from the mental strain. I must retire from my endeavors for a few days until I can regain my strength once again. It is a minor setback, but one which I may be able to use to my advantage, to spend some quality time with my students. I only hope that they do not ask me too many questions, as I have yet to find the answers I so desperately seek. My energy has been declining as well. I guess that is one of the many side effects of growing older. My sons seem to believe that I will live forever. However, I am only mortal as they, and my days are numbered.
Leonardo closed the book and stared at the worn, blue binding for a moment before sliding it safely under his bed. He took a deep breath, in an attempt to hold in the tears that had already snuck out and began to roll down his cheeks. Something was wrong. He could feel it.
"Master Splinter.", he whispered.
"Casey, give me a break!", Megan yelled angrily. "I thought you were over this!"
Casey slapped his palm to his forehead in mock disbelief. "You thought I was over this!? Look, I can accept the two of you being friends. I can even deal with you having feelings for eachother and living in the same house, but this?"
Megan was furious. "What business is it of yours anyway? I don't ask about your sex life! And obviously you've been pretty busy lately..."
"Hey! We're not talking about me here, okay? And besides, April is a human being!"
Megan rolled her eyes and glared at Casey. "Oh boy, here we go again with this, huh? Well let me tell you something. I have something special with Raph that no human has ever given me before! And I'm not about to destroy that just because your ego can't handle it!"
"My ego? This has nothing to do with my ego! It has everything to do with the fact that you and a mutant turtle commited beastia--"
Casey's words were abruptly halted as the sting of a slap spread across his cheek.
Megan's teary eyes flared with hatred. "How dare you?", she whispered and headed out the door.
Splinter stared in awe at the familiar surroundings. But how did I get here? I wasn't even meditating... The inside of the old house was just as he remembered it from the last time he was here, just a few days earlier. The walls and floors were bare, and an eery emptiness hung in the air around him.
Straining his eyes, he gazed out through the small window to stare at the black night sky. Tiny pinpoints of light dotted the horizon, and for a brief moment, he thought he had seen his master's face in the constellations. He closed his eyes. No, that can not be. I am hallucinating. When he opened them again to look once more, the vision was gone, and only the simple pattern of the stars remained.
As he turned his attention away from the window, he suddenly remembered a previous journey here. He had been outside at the time, peering into the dark house. There was an object lying on the floor, but it had been too dark to make out what it was. Slowly and cautiously, he made his way to the back of the little house. A wave of nervous energy rushed through him. What would he find there?
He entered the room and froze in disbelief. Could it really be after all these years? Shaking nervously, he lowered his eyes to the ground and stared at the pieces of his broken cage.
A light knock on the door awakened April from her slumber. She pushed herself up, being careful to secure her balance before hurrying toward the door. The weight of her belly was beginning to be quite an obstacle.
"Don!?" She stared in surprise at the green face, barely peeking out from the shelter of the trenchcoat and hat. April motioned for him to come in. He smiled at her lightly as he entered the apartment.
"I hope I didn't wake you. I'm sorry to barge in on you like this, April, but...I just needed to get away. I had no other place to go."
"It's okay, Don. You know you're always welcome." April motioned for him to have a seat on the couch. "I was just dozing anyway. Being pregnant can sure take a lot out of you!"
Don smiled, slightly embarrassed as he pulled the hat from his head and removed his jacket. Talk of childbirth and babies wasn't exactly his cup of tea. "Yeah, I imagine." He looked around for a moment, and noticed how quiet and empty the apartment was. "Where's Casey and Shadow?"
April sighed. "Casey and Megan got into a pretty nasty argument. He went to go look for her. Mikey, life saver that he is, took Shadow off my hands for a while. They're having a slumber party or something at his place."
Don nodded. "Yeah, looks like you need the rest."
April yawned and nodded. "So, what's troubling you, Don? You look kinda down."
Don didn't really feel like talking about his situation right now, but he decided that he atleast owed April an explaination for barging in on her at this hour.
"Let's just say that I've been under a lot of stress lately."
April understood. "I guess it's pretty hard...dealing with an injury." She chose her words carefully. Mike had told her about his recent mood swings, and she didn't want to upset him.
Don nodded and absent-mindedly stared down at his hand. "It's just so frustrating!", he said suddenly. "I mean, everyone's always taking pitty on me, and trying to tell me that everything will be okay, but they don't know that! And they're not the ones who have to deal with it, I am. I'm sick of their sympathy and their whispering. I wish they'd mind their own business.
"And everyone's acting funny too! They think I don't notice, but I do. Mikey's been awfully responsible lately. And Leo, he's hiding something, I can tell. Splinter's been distant. And then there's Raph. I don't even want to get into him."
"Yeah." April almost laughed. "Raph in love is a very weird experience, isn't it?" As her voice trailed off, the two friends sat in silence for a while, neither knowing what else to say.
Finally, April yawned and stretched her arms above her head. "Don't worry, Don, I'm sure things will get back to normal down there soon.
"Yeah, well...I guess I should get going. You need your rest.", Don rose from the couch to leave.
"No. Don't go." April laid a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you stay here for the night? I'm sure Casey wouldn't mind."
Tears formed in his eyes as he knelt down to touch the metal bars. He was surprised at how cold and hard they felt under his grasp, how tangible they were. Picking it up, he stared at it in wonder. It was so small! It was hard to believe he had ever been little enough to fit in there.
The sight of the cage caused his longing for Yoshi to grow even stronger, yet he realized for the first time in his life, just what his freedom meant. He had done so many things that he would have never been able to imagine if he'd never left the confinement of these steel bars.
He wondered what his master would think of him now, in this mutated state, if he would marvel at his intelligence or the way he had so skillfully trained his pupils. He hoped that Yoshi would be proud of him now.
"Splinter..." A haunting voice suddenly jarred the rat from his thoughts. He jumped to his feet, still clutching the cage tightly in his hands, and scanned the room frantically. No one was to be found.
"Splinter..." The voice came again, and this time, it was unmistakable.
"Master Yoshi!?", he whispered.
"Hey, come on, don't worry about it.", Raph whispered gently as he embraced Megan. "Don't let it get you down."
Megan laid her head on his shoulder and wiped a tear from her cheek. "You should've heard him, Raph. The things he said to me..."
"It doesn't matter."
Mike took Shadow's hand and pulled her a little closer to the grate. This was weird. Raphael telling Megan not to get upset? It was hard to hear what they were saying now, as their voices kept getting quieter and quieter. Peering through the metal diamonds, he could see Raph kiss her gently. It wasn't really fair. He was the funny, sensitive one. Why was Raph the one to get the girl?
Sighing, he pressed the side of his head against the steel, hoping to catch some more of the conversation.
"It's okay." Raph smiled a little. "Splinter was a little upset at first, but now it's cool."
Megan was slightly shocked. "Really? You mean he didn't lecture you or tell you that you were making a mistake?"
"Well...he did lecture, but it was about life and stuff...you know."
Their voices became inaudible again as Mike scooted in closer, bearing his weight against the bars in a final attempt to hear the discussion. But as he pushed against the grate, his weight became to much for it. It fell loose, hurdling him down on his plastron, and into the room, with Shadow not far behind.
"Mikey!"
The turtle got up quickly, and attempted to hide his embarrassment as he helped a giggling Shadow to her feet. "I was...uhhh...cleaning the tunnels..."
"What the hell do you think you're doing?", Raph snapped.
"I uhhh...Splinter ummm...."
Megan began to giggle as she watched Michaelangelo squirm. Raphael stared at her in bewilderment.
"You think this is funny?", he asked curiously.
Megan stifled her laughter for a moment. "It's okay, Raph."
"Sorry.", Mike flashed them a cheesy grin and grabbed Shadow's hand. "I just came down for a cup of sugar. Shadow and I are baking cookies."
"I'll give you a cup of sugar!" Raph dashed after him, but Mike was too quick. He scooped Shadow up in his arms and high-tailed it out the door.
"Master Splinter?" A harsh voice startled the rat awake from his meditation. The room faded, the cage disappeared, and the lost echoes of his sensei's voice drifted off into the distance. Glancing around, he found himself back in the sewers once again. He squinted up into the darkness to find Leonardo standing above him, a look of sterness on his face.
"Yes, Leonardo, is something the matter?"
He wasn't quite sure how to begin. A million questions raced through his mind. So much was happening all at once, and he hadn't even caught on to most of it until now. He silently wondered how he could have missed the signs that were right there in front of him the whole time. He decided to start the discussion simply.
"Master, since when have you kept a journal?"
The rat stared at him curiously for a moment before turning to find an empty shelf where the book had once lain. As he gazed up at Leo's penetrating eyes, he realized that he hadn't even known it was gone.
Leo pulled the book from his belt and held it out for Splinter to take.
"I think the more appropriate question would be as to why you are spying on me, Leonardo." He took the faded blue book from the turtle's hands and laid it next to him on the floor.
Leo's gaze fell to the concrete. He felt awful for betraying Splinter's trust, but he'd had this nagging feeling that there was something his sensei wasn't telling him. Now he had a pretty good idea about what that something was. "Look, Master, I'm sorry I took it without asking..."
The rat remained silent as Leo lowered into a sitting position across from him on the floor. A nervous lump formed in Leo's throat, and sweat beaded up on his palms as he went over the questions in his mind. An eery silence passed between them for several minutes before either of them spoke. Leo considered forgetting the whole thing. He wanted to leave, to get away from the darkenss of his master's stare, but as always, he remained in place, determined to face his fears head on.
"Master Splinter...?", his voice came out shaky and quiet, like a lost child's. Gulping down the nervous energy, he spoke the words that he had been too afraid to ever ask until now. "Are you...dying?"
April jarred awake suddenly to a strange feeling. She opened her eyes quickly and sat up quietly, not wanting to wake Donatello. She figured that this must have been the first real good sleep he'd had in a while. Hoisting herself up carefully, she noticed a draft on her belly and legs. She felt oddly cold, but she couldn't explain why. She hobbled carefully over to the heater and checked the temperature. Seventy degrees. That's funny... Why was she so cold? She ran her hand down over her belly, hoping the friction would warm her up, but as she touched the bottom of her shirt, she suddenly froze. Oh my god, no! Not now!
Her entire lap was soaked with water. As she rushed toward the hallway, a slight twinge of pain coursed through her. The contractions were starting. Oh god, no!
"Casey!?", April gripped her stomach and hurried toward the bedroom. "Casey!?"
Don jarred awake and sprung up from the couch, ready for action. Like second nature, his eyes searched frantically for something to use as a weapon.
"April!?", he called. "April, are you okay? What's going on?"
As April appeared in the doorway, he could tell that she was in pain. She stooped over and almost dropped to her knees, but he caught her and led her gently toward the couch.
"You gotta find Casey, Don. Hurry!"
He stared at her for a moment in a panick, finally realizing what was happening. "Oh man, something's wrong with the baby!" He rushed down the halls in a paranoid search to find Casey, but it was to no avail. Casey was nowhere to be found.
"Uhhh...April..." He returned to the living room with a pillow. "Casey's not here."
April moaned as she accepted the pillow from Don. "You gotta find him quickly! My contractions are starting!"
"What!?!?" Now Don really began to panick.
"My contractions are starting.", April repeated. "I'm going to have a baby!"
Chapter 5 Coming Soon!