To Have and To Hold


Till Death Do Us Part...



The tears flowed freely down Megan's cheeks, and she turned away quickly, unable to look upon the silent form any longer. Burying her face in Raph's plastron, she began to sob. She thought about her own parents, about how they had left her at such a young age. And now, Splinter had left them too. It wasn't fair. It couldn't be. Denial tried to set in, but she knew the truth, and she knew that none of their lives would ever be the same again.

Raph barely noticed Megan's presence, absentmindedly wrapping an arm around her as he stared, dumbfounded and silent at his dead master. An anger surged through him, but it stayed there for the moment, bubbling and festering, burning through him like flames from a fire. He felt a deep hurt inside, gnawing at him, eating away his insides. How dare Splinter do him such an injustice? How dare he leave them? How dare he break their hearts like this? The pain in his chest had stopped almost immediately after they'd arrived, and he knew now the cause of his anguish. He, like his brothers, had felt Splinter die, had felt that very moment when his life slipped away, and it was a pain much greater than any of them had ever experienced, even in battle.

Mustering his courage, Mike gripped Splinter's arms tightly and stared at him through tear filled eyes.

"No, master, no...don't go! Don't leave us!" His sobs echoed into the night.

He laid his forehead on Splinter's chest, the tears soaking the matted fur. Gripping his arms even harder, a cry of anguish escaped him, and all eyes turned in his direction.

Don laid a hand on Mike's arm. He wanted desperately to say something to comfort him, but no words came. Staring at his dead sensei, and listening to Mike's wails was getting to be too much. He wanted to flee, to go find a quiet spot to think, but he knew he couldn't leave his brothers like this. They needed eachother.

April's tears flowed freely as well, as she thought about all Splinter had meant to her. He had been like a second father to her. She remembered the painful separation they had all experienced. But after it all, when they had joined back up and become a family once again, she confessed to Splinter how she'd felt all along, and he had comforted her with open arms.

"My father's gone now, but I've always considered myself to have two fathers, and...I love them both. Good bye, Splinter."

"Daughter..."

As they embraced, she felt truly loved and accepted, and she knew that her feelings were shared. Splinter had been a mentor to her, part of her family. Now, standing here in this desolate room, filled with grief and despair, she could hardly accept the fact that he was gone. There would be no more wise words, no more guidance, only...silence. And that chilling silence threatened to consume them all.

Robyn stood behind Don. It was an akward moment, one which she wished she could escape. She knew the pain of losing a father, but she figured that this must be even worse. The turtles were connected with him...emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It was a great loss, and one they would have to deal with for a long time.

"Come back master, please! W...we need you!" Mike whispered.

Leo wrapped his arm gently around Mike's shoulders. Nearly blinded by his own tears, he laid a hand on Mike's chin, forcing his head up gently to look him in the face. Mike allowed himself to let go of Splinter with one hand, just long enough to wipe at his tears.

"Let it go." Leo said gently. "Let it go, Mike. Splinter's gone."

Another sob escaped him as he stared down at his sensei once more. He thought he could almost see his chest rise with the breath of life, but he knew it was just an illusion, an evil trick his mind was playing on him. Splinter's gone... Slowly and painfully, he let his grip go, being careful not to break his gaze, in fear that if he looked away, Splinter would disappear into nothing.

"Let it go, Mike." Leo's voice came again. "It's okay. It's okay..."

Slowly, Mike forced his eyes closed. He sat there for a moment, Leo's words echoing through his head. Let it go, Mike...Splinter's gone...Splinter's gone... He turned his head quickly away from the body, and wrapped his arms tightly around Leo. As Mike let out a sob, Leo embraced him, holding him close.

"It's okay, Mike. It's okay." His voice came as a whisper as he choked on his own tears.

His heart was breaking as he could see the full impact of their master's death begin to affect his brothers. How could he not have told them? How selfish he had been! He knew that it was Splinter's request, but what if Splinter hadn't been in the right frame of mind to make such a demand? And didn't his brothers have a right to know?

Robyn laid a hand on Don's shoulder, barely allowing her fingers to rest there. He glanced up at her quickly, and noticed her tears as well. This was something that was going to effect them all for a long time. Uneasy, he let his gaze fall once again to stare at the ground. He couldn't look any of them in the eye right now. The pain and confusion was too great. He couldn't understand why this had happened, and perhaps that was the most frustrating thing of all. His heart began to break as he watched Leo attempt to comfort Michaelangelo. Poor Mike would probably have the hardest time recuperating from this. His emotions and sense of family had always been so strong.

But why had Splinter died? His death had come so suddenly, and so unexpectedly. Was that why he had seemed so distant? Had he known about this? Why had he left them? What would they do now?

As the others reacted to the scene around them, the anger continued to build, bruning through him, until Raphael thought he would burst. Not able to contain it any longer, he ran to his dead master's body, gripping his shoulders tightly.

"How dare you leave us!?!?" he shouted. "How dare you!?!? Wake up! Wake the hell up!"

The others, not quite knowing what to do, stared at him for a moment in shocked silence.

"Dammit! Do you hear me?" Raph shook the body violently, but it was to no avail. "Damn you!" he shouted at the rat. "Damn you!"

Leo, not wishing to see his master's body dishonored in such a way, broke in. "Raph..."

Raphael looked over at his brother. Leo could tell he was fighting back the tears, trying not to give into the fear and pain. But his outbreak betrayed the anguish that he felt inside. Leo wasn't sure how to comfort his brother. A hug wouldn't work like it did with Mike. Reassuring words only seemed like hot air to Raph. But what his brother did next surprised Leo beyond belief.

Raph let go of Splinter and stared at him for a long time. His bottom lip quivered as he fought so hard to contain his emotions. "Dammit!" he whispered. "Dammit, Leo, why? Why'd he have to die?"

The tears began to escape, and Leo fought for the right words. All was quiet for a few moments as they each dealt with their own grief. The tension was only to be broken a few mintues later as Raph's anguished voice tore through the night.

"Why!?!?!?"

Casey began to worry. What the hell's taking them so long anyway? April and Mike had left over and hour ago. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He glanced over at the sleeping girl. Shadow had finally fallen asleep, but he couldn't leave her.

What to do...? If he woke her, she would obviously be cranky, and what if... No, he couldn't think about the bad things. He tried to assure himself that everything was fine. They probably just met up with the others and were talking or watching movies or something.

But as he slumped back down on the couch, a strange feeling crept over him. He felt cold suddenly, and a shiver ran down his spine. Forcing himself upright, he squinted his eyes, as the thought returned to his mind. Something's wrong.

Donatello finally broke the silence. "How could this have happened?" His voice came almost as a whisper, barely audible over the light sobs and sniffles.

The others looked at him for a moment, as if not understanding the question.

"I mean..." he continued. "How come we didn't know? What did he die from? Why didn't he tell us?"

Mike looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "Y...you think he knew?"

Don shrugged and shook his head. "I dunno..."

The guilt began to creep up on Leo once again, yet he said nothing. How could he tell them? What would they do if they found out?

As if on instinct, Raphael began to drill Leo with questions. "You were here when it happened, right?"

Leo gulped down a nervous lump in his throat, and forced himself to make eye contact. "Y...yeah, I guess..."

"So what did he say? What did he do?"

Raph's eyes seemed to burn into him, almost accusingly. No... Leo shook his head. That was just his imagination...wasn't it?

"I...I don't know, Raph...I mean, he..." What was he supposed to say? That Splinter had been looking better than usual for a dying person that day? That he thought he'd alteast be around for another week? That he had promised Splinter he wouldn't tell?

"He what, Leo?" Raph's voice came out deep and raspy, his cold gaze burning into him. He wanted to run, to escape the pain he knew was about to come, but still he held steady. Taking a deep breath, he answered as calmly as possible.

"He made himself tea this morning, which seemed really unusual, since lately..." He cut himself off. Oh shit, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that. Now they're gonna get suspicious. He expected to be bombarded with questions, but instead the others seemed to be waiting patiently, as if they knew he had something important to tell them and they didn't want to miss any of it. All eyes stared at him expectantly.

I've got to break it to them easy...

"Since lately...?" Raphael wasn't backing down. "What is it you aren't telling us, Leo?"

The turtle cleared his throat and stared at his brother uneasily. "Look Raph, all I know is that he was here, with me, talking to me, and then he laid his head back like he was meditating or something, and then..." Sorrow coursed through him as he pictured the scene again in his mind, causing his eyes to well up with tears. "I tried to snap him out of it, but...he wouldn't wake up."

Raph closed his eyes. The pain in Leo's words had struck a chord in him. Salty tears escaped Leo's eyes, filled with guilt and anguish.

Suddenly, a shocking realization hit Raphael like a slap in the face. He knew! Leo knew about this all along! It all made sense now. The strange way he had been acting, Splinter's sudden distance, Leo's caution, the way he had followed Splinter everywhere, his coldness, his secrecy. It all made sense now. The anger began to bubble through him again, but this time it boiled into rage, a deep, pulsating rage.

"You...son of a bitch!"

Leo's eyes widened at the deep growl that echoed from Raphael's throat. His dark, penetrating eyes burned and stabbed into Leo, almost causing him to cry out. He rose to his feet quickly and mentally perpared to defend himself.

"You...fucking son of a bitch!!" Raph's voice grew louder, and the others stared at the two in horror and shock. What was going on?

"You knew about this, didn't you?"

At the accusation, all eyes turned to Leo. He could feel their curious stares stabbing into him, like a knife, twisting the cold metal deeper into his soul. He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell them it wasn't true, but...he could't.

"Dammit, Leo! You knew!"

Suddenly, Raph's rage flared into fury, and he jumped on Leo, knocking him to the ground.

As Casey entered the lair, he could hear the excited voices pouring from Splinter's room. Sounds like a party... Cautiously, he approached the far end of the den, and the voices became clearer.

"Raph, Leo, stop this!" April yelled. "This is insane! Don't you have any respect?"

Leo was trying his best to fend Raphael off, but his brother had gone into a fit of rage, and once he was like this, he was almost unstoppable. April's words sank deeply into his heart. She was right. This wasn't right. This was no way to honor their dead sensei. Raph had Leo's body pinned to the floor. Balling up his fist, he punched him square in the jaw. As he brought back his hand for another hit, Leo squirmed a hand free and blocked it. That didn't stop Raph though. An evil snarl crept across his lips, twisting them into an ugly grimmace. His other hand came down, busting Leo's lip.

As the warm wetness began to pour down his chin, he reached up with his legs, wrapping them tightly around Raphael. With one quick turn, they rolled on the floor until Leo was kneeling over Raph.

Megan couldn't stand to watch this any longer. She knew that Raph had a temper, and that he'd killed people before, but this was just too much. How could he do this to his brother, especially at a time like this? Although, if Raph was right, and Leo knew about this, he had some serious explaining to do.

"Raph..." Megan began to plead. "Please stop this." But the brothers ignored her and continued their struggle.

"You...asshole, Leo! What the hell were you thinking?" Raph's voice came muffled from under Leo's arm.

Just then, Casey entered the room. He took one look at the comotion and froze in his tracks. "What the hell..."

All eyes turned toward him, even those of Raph and Leo. Donatello seized the opportunity and grabbed Leo by the arm, pulling him gently but firmly away. Raph let out a growl and rose slowly to his feet, brushing the dirt and slime from his shell. As he stared at Leo, his eyes burned with anger. He bared his teeth at him like a rabid dog, but for the moment, he didn't move.

"Would someone like to clue me in here?" Casey frowned as he looked from face to face, and finally his eyes fell on Splinter. "My god...is he...?"

April nodded and hurried to him, burrying her head in his chest.

"Yeah..." Raph growled. "And Leo here was just about to tell us why he never bothered to let us in on this little detail."

Mike looked up at Leo, a pathetic pout on his face, the big puppy dog eyes causing Leo to melt. And in those eyes was no longer the bright spark of life, but a dull sorrowfilled glaze that tore into Leo's heart.

"Did you Leo?" His lip quivered as he spoke. "Did you know?"

The sun began to set over the distant horizon, shedding it's final shards of yellow light through the open window. Don noticed how it lit up the left side of Robyn's face, highlighting her cheekbones, and giving an almost ghostly appearance to her green eyes. After a moment, he lowered his gaze to stare down at the couch, realizing that he had been staring.

"Don, you okay?" Robyn's voice was gentle, reassuring.

"Y...yeah, I'll be fine."

Robyn wasn't so sure. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be down there with the others right now?"

"No. I just...I needed some time to get away. Looking after Shadow was a good excuse too. Besides...nothing new is going on down there anyway. I'm sure Raph and Leo are still duking it out."

Robyn scooted closer and took his hand. "Oh Don, I'm so sorry."

At her touch, he lifted his eyes for a moment, to stare into her face again. Searching her eyes, he could see the truthfulness and compassion. That was what he admired about her so much. She never said anything she didn't mean. She was always genuine.

"S'okay." He lowered his head again and spoke softly. "I just don't understand. I mean, why would Leo not tell us? Why would he keep it a secret? I've gone over every possible reason, but it just doesn't make sense!"

Robyn smiled lightly at him. "Don, sometimes there is no good answer. Sometimes things don't make sense at all."

"Yeah." he sighed and looked at her again. "I just wish...I wish I could just turn back time...do things differently."

Leo gulped nervously. All eyes were on him now, waiting anxiously for an explanation to this madness. He knew it was now or never. He had some explaining to do and the others weren't going to wait much longer. He wished Don would have stayed, but he understood why he hand't. All these hours of fighting and yelling had gotten them nowhere, and Donatello wasn't ready to handle it.

"Look guys...I...I wanted to tell you."

"Bullshit!" Raphael crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his brother.

Megan laid a hand on Raph's shoulder, attempting to calm him down a little.

A look of pleading came to Leo's eyes. "I did, but Splinter...well..." How could he tell them this? He took a deep breath and just let it out. "He asked me not to."

They stared at eachother in curiousity and confusion. "What?" Raph's angry voice flooded the room again. "You mean to tell me that Splinter knew he was dying, so he told you, 'Mr. Star Pupil', and told you not to tell the rest of us? Geeze Leo, who died and made you God? Oh wait, I guess I should bow now to show my respect!"

"Look, Raph!" Leo had had just about enough. "Don't get cocky with me, alright? I'm trying to explain what happened--"

"Yeah, well maybe I'm sick and tired of all that hot air pouring from your mouth!" Raph shoved Leo, causing him to stagger backwards. Leo was just about to retaliate, when Michaelangelo stepped in the middle.

"Guys!" he pleaded, looking close to tears again. "Please don't. Please don't do this!"

All was silent for a moment before a deep growl rose from Raphael's chest. "I'm outta here!"

Don stared down at his hand for a long time, thinking about what life had been like before his unfortunate run-in with the Foot. He had been great at so many things. His hands were his source of invention and creativity. He had gotten so upset about losing something that was so important to him, but now he mocked himself for not realizing what was even more important. He had been so wrapped up in worrying about himself, that he had failed to see what was going on around him. His master was dying, and he was blinded to it. All he saw was his own pain, his own need. He had been so cruel to his family, pushing them away when they were trying so desperately to help. How could he have been so stupid? He wished he could turn back time, but now it was too late.

Robyn laid a hand on his shoulder. "Don? You okay?"

"Yeah..." he lifted his head slowly to meet her gaze. "I guess so, I just...I..."

"You're feeling guilty." she said softly.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "W...what?"

"I know what it's like, Don. When my father died I went through the same thing. I kept going over and over past events in my mind, wishing I wouldn't have done certain things. I regreted so much. Our last conversation had ended badly, so when I had heard about his death, well...you can imagine..."

Don stared up at her as her voice trailed off. She turned away from him to wipe at her eyes, feeling foolish.

"I know what you mean." Don said softly. "I just wish I could go back, ya know? There's so many things I want to tell him. I want to thank him for all he's taught me, for everything he did to keep us alive when we were younger and couldn't fend for ourselves. Even, just for taking us in. He didn't have to do that. He could have just left us. Life was so hard back then, but he never gave up. He was always there for us, and I just wish..."

Don's voice trailed off as he fought to contain the tears that had begun to well up in his eyes. How could he have been so mean? It wasn't anyone's fault he had been injured, least of all Splinter's.

"I kept taking things out on everyone. I just felt so sorry for myself that I couldn't let anyone in. Not even the ones that mattered the most..." Like you...

They looked into eachother's faces again, and their eyes met. As Don stared at her, her gaze held him entranced for a moment. The look in her eyes was one Don hadn't noticed before, almost like the way Megan stared at Raphael. Robyn noticed Don's curiosity, and akwardly let her gaze fall. Don could feel his cheeks growing flushed as she gently took his injured hand.

"Don." she whispered. "You may look different on the outside...I mean, God knows I was scared as heck of you when we first met, but, you have become very important in my life as well. And even though you're different, and you have an injury that may never fully heal...on the inside..." She raised her eyes to meet his yet again. "You're...well, you're beautiful."

Don's eyes widened a little. Beautiful? That was certainly nothing anyone had ever called him before. Braniac, Zip Head, Pencil Neck, yeah, but...Beautiful?

He stared into her green eyes, realizing how lost, and almost frightened they made him feel. "If anyone's beautiful around here, it's not me." he said shyly.

Their eyes remained locked, and Don could see Robyn begin to lean toward him ever-so-slightly. Don's heart began to pound in his chest as he followed her lead, scooting closer until they were nose to nose, and their lips met.

"Raph, wait up...please!" Megan splashed through the sewers to catch up.

Raphael didn't bother to turn around. He just wanted to be alone right now. He didn't feel like talking or sharing his feelings. He only wanted to go somewhere where he couldn't be bothered and sort them out by himself. He was angry at Leo, but even more, he was angry at himself. How could he have been so irresponsible? If only he would have known, he would have made sure he had been at that party on time. He wouldn't have been so rude to Splinter by hanging up the phone. He had put his own desires above his master's needs, and now he was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Megan caught up and walked beside him silently. She knew how devastated he must be. Losing her own parents had been such agony, and she had felt an empty spot in her heart for so long. How much more Raphael must have been hurting, seeing as Splinter had been so connected to them all. But his death had been hard on her too. She considered Splinter like a surrogate father, and had grown pretty close to him in the eight months they had known one another. He had also become her sensei, and a certain level of mental connection had already started to develop. When that was broken, she had felt it deeper than she had expected to.

"Raph" she said finally. "I know you don't want to talk about this right now, but--"

"Don't say it." he said bluntly. "Just...don't try to cheer me up, okay, because it won't work."

Megan lowered her head to stare at the muck they were trudging in. The look and stench of the green and brown goop made her want to vomit. Suddenly, she found herself feeling sorry for Raph and the others. This was no kind of life to have to live, constantly shaded down here in the sewers, unable to journey freely through the world above. And Splinter...he had lived half of his life this way. He had died here in the depth of these slimey caverns, unable to see even one last sunrise.

As if Raph could hear her thoughts, he blurted out "It's not fair. Splinter deserved better than this."

Megan nodded. "I know."

"Leo, that damn son of a bitch, he knew about this, but even he couldn't do anything for him. There was no way he could get him to a doctor, or a vet, or whatever the hell would have been able to save him. The stupid humans would have taken one look at them, and either tried to kill them on the spot or hauled them off to some experimental laboratory!"

Megan remained silent and just stared at him curiously.

"Damn humans! It's all their fault!"

Megan's jaw dropped open and she stared at him through widened eyes. "What?"

"I mean it, Megan. Humans are the reason this world is so damned screwed up!"

Megan began to say something, but Raph interrupted her again. "I wish all the humans in this world would just curl up and die!"

Megan was speechless. How could Raph say such a thing? Especially when she herself was a human. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Raph." she gulped, and ran off down the tunnel.

Startled, Don pulled away and sat upright in his seat. His heart was still pounding a mile a minute, and sweat began to bead up on his palms. Had he just done what he thought he'd done? Had he really kissed her?

"Oh god, I'm sorry." he said embarrassed. "I didn't mean--"

"It's okay." Robyn smiled reassuringly. She almost laughed at the hint of red that had snuck up on his green cheeks.

"No, I mean, I'm really sorry. I can't believe I did that! I mean, I've never--"

Robyn blushed and took Don's injured hand, studying the scar lines for a moment. Don could feel his whole body begin to tingle as she did so. He had kissed her! He had kissed her, and he had liked it! Wow! So this is what Raphael had been so interested in...

Trying to calm her own nervousness, Robyn squeezed Don's hand, a little harder than she intended. She noticed him wince a little, and let go.

"I'm sorry...did I hurt you?"

"Naw", he said shyly. "I guess it's just a little sensitive..."

"Wait a minute..." she interrupted. "Wait, that hurt, right? That means you felt it."

Don wasn't quite sure what she was getting at. "Y...yeah..."

Robyn smiled warmly at him and waited for him to catch on.

"Hey, yeah! I felt it! I'm getting feeling back in my hand!"

"This is so great, Don!"

The two of them laughed and shouted anxiously.

Excited at the news, Robyn jumped up and wrapped her arms around him, planting another big kiss on his beak. Startled, Don felt himself fall back on the cushions, her hot breath on his face. Excitement replacing his previous nervousness, he laid his hand behind her head and returned the kiss.

Megan knocked on Casey's door. She doubted they would be home yet. They were probably still in the sewers with the others. She longed for some company, but she really didn't feel like having to explain to them what had happened.

As she waited, she could feel warmness on her face again. Enough of that, she told herself. You gotta stop crying. Her heart was breaking as she thought about what Raphael had said to her. Maybe it was just out of anger or frustration, but it had still hurt deeply. She didn't want to go home, in fear that he was there, so she decided to come spend some time here. She found herself hoping that no one was home.

After a few moments, she could hear the door unlock and it opened slowly.

"Robyn?"

"Hi Megan..." Robyn smiled akwardly and opened the door far enough for her to enter. Megan glanced at her curiously as she stepped inside. Her hair was slightly messy, and her clothes were kind of wrinkly and discheveled. A knowing smirk came to Megan's face as she glanced at Don, who flashed her a nervous, shy smile. Robyn and Don...? Naw...couldn't be...

"Uhhh..." Robyn broke the silence. "We just came up here to watch Shadow for a while. Actually, we were ummm...we were just leaving." She pulled Don by the arm and headed toward the door.

"Uhhh...yeah..." Don added. "That is...if you don't mind watching her for us until April and Casey get back?"

"N...no, I don't mind I guess. I've got nothing better to do anyway."

As the two of them left, Megan found herself staring blankly at the closed door. Now what was that all about?

The bright afternoon sun lit the land, casting tall shadows on the grass from the looming trees. They had picked a good spot, out of the sight of any passerby's. Leo glanced out along the lush landscape. In the distance, he could just make out the outline of the old farmhouse. How he longed to be there, away from this place, out of the sight of the others. He wished Splinter were here to tell one of his fables or moral lessons to help put him at ease. But Splinter was gone now. There would be no more insights or quiet suggestions. No more leadership or fatherly wisdom. He felt alone, completely and utterly alone. How was he supposed to lead them without a mentor himself? What would he do if he made a mistake? Splinter would no longer be there to help put back the peices. Leo would be left to face the consequences alone.

Raphael stood far away from the others. He didn't need their eyes on him, or their pathetic attempts at cheering him up. He just wanted to be left alone. He was still angry at Leo for keeping this from them. He felt like a fool for not realizing it. But then, he had been occupied with other things...

He spared a glance at Megan, and could see the hurt in her eyes. He figured that not all of that hurt was over Splinter. She stared down at the ground, her hair blowing lightly in the wind. All he could think about was how he'd hurt her. He had never meant to do that. He had been so frustrated and confused, and he lashed out without thinking. He knew that he needed to control that anger of his, and it was still a problem, even now. He'd promised Splinter he would take care of her, that he'd keep his promise of commitment and responsibility, and now he was beginning to feel as though he failed.

It had been a long, agonizing drive this morning. Donatello had felt uneasy all the way here. Maybe it was the guilt and sorrow surrounding his master's death, but he figured it was much more than that. He and Robyn had hardly spoken a word to eachother on the way here. They both seemed to fear the others knowing about their little rendezvous yesterday. But yet, a part of him felt inexplicably at peace.

All were silent as they waited for the ceremony to begin. Finally, Leo stepped forward slowly, and approached the casket. April had decided to surprise them all with the gift. She had hated the idea of a placing him in a pressboard box, or even worse, directly into the ground. And, since a friend of hers worked at the funeral parlor, she had gotten this nice cedar coffin at a reasonable price. She'd figured it was the least she could do. Splinter had given her so much.

All eyes focused on the turtle as he came to a stop and stared down at the silent body of their fallen master. So many thoughts and unexpressed feelings welled up inside, but he found himself at a loss for words. Choking on his own grief, he very slowly and gently laid a hand on Splinter's chest. "I did as I promised." she said in Japanese. "Now go, rest in peace." The tears trickled down his cheeks as he spoke his final words. "Goodbye father."

In a gesture of respect, Leo bowed to the rat and turned to face the others. He stood there silently, studying their faces as they stared blankly back at him. He wished he could read their thoughts, to see into their souls, and know that some small part of them forgave him.

Michaelangelo approached next. He had already been crying long before he reached the coffin, and upon looking at his sensei once again, he let out a sob. Why did this have to happen? He felt so awful for not realizing his sensei was sick. How could he have missed it? He remembered how Splinter had been coughing a lot lately, and the funny looks Leo had been giving him, even their little conversation. I'm sorry master. I wish you'd come back. Please come back. But he knew it was hopeless. People only rose from the dead in movies, and even then, it usually wasn't a pretty sight.

He laid his head on Splinter's chest, and wrapped his arms around him tightly, not letting go for a long while. Something inside him was afraid to let go, because he knew that when he did, he would be saying goodbye forever, and forever was a very long time. Finally, he pried himself away and attempted to dry his tears.

"I made you something, sensei." he whispered. He pulled a folded up peice of paper from his belt and laid it gently next to him in the casket. "Good bye master. Please, don't forget us."

Leo led Mike gently away as he bowed in reverence. Don took a deep breath. Now was as good as ever. As he approached, he found himself a little leary of peering at his sensei again. Death wasn't exactly the most comfortable of circumstances. He found himself growing uneasy as he neared the coffin. You don't have to look, he told himself, but his curiousity got the best of him. As he gazed down at the silent form, he found himself not afraid, not disgusted, but...empty. The feeling lingered there for several minutes.

He missed Splinter terribly already, and he hated the thought of burrying him in the ground for all eternity. He thought about what their lives had meant up to this point. First, Splinter had raised them to kill, to avenge his dead master. But after that, when they had thought their purpose was gone, they realized it was just beginning. Together with their human friends, they had grown strong as a family. But their battles were not over. How Don despised killing. He had always wished that there was another way. But now, staring down at his dead sensei, he realized that their was. Maybe all the hurt and the injuries and the torture had been worth it, but now, it was time to end it. His decision made, Don carefully placed the bo next to Splinter in the coffin.

"For you sensei. For all you've taught us. The fighting stops here."

The others watched Don in curiousity as he left the casket. Had he just given up his only bo? What would he do if he needed it again? Leo was sure that their fighting wasn't over. As long as they lived, there would always be enemies waiting to conquer them. He though about Karai for a moment, about how she had so deviously turned on them. Even their own allies were potential enemies. Hadn't Splinter said something like that once?

But as Don again took his place next to Robyn, Leo began to understand. It wasn't ninjutsu he was giving up, or his skills, or his willingness to defend himself in a battle. He was giving up the anguish, the hard feelings, the arguments with his family. He was letting it all go.

A long moment passed before Raphael finally made his way slowly toward the casket. He hated having the eyes on him, feeling out in the open with no escape. Yet, he was here for Splinter, so he tried his best to block it all out.

He paused about a foot from the coffin, and just stood there, unmoving for several minutes. The face of his sensei burned deep into his mind, and he remembered the conversation they'd shared not long ago. Splinter had understood Raph's needs and desires, and even though he had been leery of Raphael's decision, he had granted him and Megan with his blessing. When he really thought about it, even with all the lectures and scoldings he had received over the years, Splinter had always been there for him, ready to hold him up, to help him through his grief. Too bad he had pushed him away so many times.

As Raphael bowed his head and said his final farewells to his master, he felt a tug at his heart. He finally began to realize what Splinter had been trying to teach him for so long. His family was important. In great times of need, they were there to help support one another. What was it Splinter had said? The body, deprived of even one of its limbs can not function properly. He had been pushing them away for so long, determined to do things his way. That was the way it had always been for him. He needed space, and the freedom to choose his own path. But now he realized that the path he chose needed to include them. All of them.

He fought back the tears as he made a final bow and slipped away toward the farmhouse. He needed time to think and clear his head. As he disappeared into the distance, Megan watched him go.

She forced her legs to carry her to Splinter's body. She really hated funerals. It seemed as though she had been to way too many in the recent years. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she took the cold, hard hand, and held it in hers, remembering the warmth it had once contained. Splinter had been like the father she'd never had. The two of them had been close in ways that she could have never dreamed with her own father. He had been her mentor, her sensei and her friend, and she knew that as long as she lived, she would carry out the things that he had taught her.

She longed for Raphael's comforting embrace, but she was beginning to doubt how he really felt now. It seemed like the whole world was crashing down around her, and she'd never be free of the pain. As the tears trickled down her cheeks, she said a final farewell to Splinter and headed off away from the others.

April gripped Casey's hand tightly as they appraoched the coffin. So many emotions were going through her head all at once. This was her second father. She had loved him like her own dad, and had even considered him Shadow's grandfather. The little girl had taken kindly to this idea, and she could tell now, as Casey lifted her up to gaze at the rat, her little heart was breaking too. She was so thankful that he had at least gotten to see Christian once before he died. He had seemed to be looking so forward to his birth. April closed her eyes and said a silent prayer for Splinter as Casey set Shadow back down on the grass.

Casey hated funerals. He despised them in fact. He hadn't even gone to his aunt Julia's funeral, despite pleads from Megan to do so. In a way, he wished now that he had. How alone she must have felt.

He and Splinter hadn't exactly gotten close, but they shared a mutual understanding of how the world worked, and he really respected Splinter for his knowledge and patience, something of which he was really lacking. He thought back to the fight with Karai and the Foot, how Mike had been badly wounded and almost died. How Splinter had kept constant vigil with his son until he awoke. He thought too about their conversation. Splinter hadn't exactly enjoyed the thought of Raphael pursuing a human girl. Not that he was prejudiced in any way, but he knew of the hardships they would face. Yet, his words burned into Casey's mind now. "Maybe we need to let them grow up..."

Robyn was the only one who hadn't paid her respects. She glanced around before akwardly gazing at Don.

"Come on, it's okay." he whispered to her and pulled her arm gently.

She wasn't sure what to do or what to say. She hadn't known Splinter as well as the others, yet she felt an emptiness knowing that he was gone. She stared down at him thinking of her own father, of all the time that she had lost, and the tears began to fall.

Megan stared down at the water, at the tiny reflection lost in the ripples of the blue depths. Her mind was on her parents. There was so much she regreted, so many things she wished she could do over. But it was too late. Too late to go back. They were gone. Would it be that way with Raphael too? Would they go on, never fixing the broken hearts and hurt feelings? Would they die not having said those important things that needed to be said?

"Megan..." the deep, quiet voice behind her, startled her from her thoughts. Without turning around, she knew who it was. She had hoped that he'd come find her.

"Raph..."

Without a word, he sat down next to her on the rocks, his gaze falling over the soft ripples in the clear water. He wasn't quite sure what to say. He was still getting used to the idea of apologizing. And it was even more torture trying to explain how he felt.

"Megan, about yesterday..." He took a deep breath and turned his eyes toward her. She sat still, her gaze on some spot off in the distance, not breaking it to look at him.

"Meg, I'm...sorry. I never meant--"

At this, she turned her head to face him. Staring into those deep brown eyes, she could see the regret and passion there, and it almost melted her.

"Raph, it just...it hurt. How could you say those things to me? I thought...I thought you loved me."

"I do, Megan! I do love you!" he laid his hand under her chin, lifting it until their eyes met again. "I just...with Spinter and everything...well, I got crazy! I mean, I couldn't..."

"You got angry." she said quietly, lowering her gaze.

"Yeah...I guess I did. It's just...I couldn't deal with it, Meg. I didn't want to face all the things I had done wrong, and I...I just needed someone to blame. Maybe Leo's right. I guess I am pretty good at laying the blame on everyone else.

He waited for a reaction, and when he got none, he continued. "Look, Meg, I'm really...I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Dammit! I can't believe how stupid I am! First Splinter and now you."

Raphael stood up and turned his back toward her as the tears began to slide down his cheeks. He didn't want her to see him this way. He felt foolish every time he had let her see him cry.

Megan stood up and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "It's okay." she said softly. "I forgive you, Raph. I know you didn't mean it."

He wiped at the tears quickly and turned to her, taking her hands in his. "I can't explain it, I just feel so...empty, like a part of me has been ripped away. And..." he struggled with the words. "It hurts."

Megan forced a smile and stared up at him. "You know Raph, someone wise once told me that scars are just temporary. Scars can heal."

A slight smile spread across his face as he stared at her. Those had been his words.

"We're gonna get past this, Raph. It will heal in time."

He knew she was right.

The day's light had all but dwindled away. They sat in a circle on the floor, in the light of the candle, their features lit up only by the orangey glow. Leo pulled the journal from his bag and laid it on his lap.

"I know that I should have told you all what was going on. I dunno...maybe it would have helped somehow. Maybe we could have saved him, if even for a little while longer. But somehow I think...I think he was ready. He wanted to go."

The others were silent. Megan squeezed Raph's hand, and he wrapped his arm around her, holding her close. Casey sat behind April and laid his hands on her shoulders, giving her a calm reassurance. Don and Robyn just glanced at eachother and didn't say much, though the light in Don's eyes sent an unspoken message to Robyn. Mike sat alone, lost in his own thoughts.

"Here." Leo opened the journal slowly, allowing the damp smell to waft through the air for a moment, reminding him of years ago, when down in an old sewer tunnel, a rat found four baby turtles, and named them after Renaissance artists he found in an old book.

"Let me read you something."



My Heart Will Go On



Chapter 10 Coming Soon!

To Have and To Hold

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