He pulled open the curtains, allowing the orange glow of the morning sun to flood in, instantly brightening the room. The golden light cascaded over her and fell on her face, shadowing it softly. He gasped as he stared down at her. She looked like an angel...just like that day he'd met her, and she'd been laying on his bed, dying. He had been struggling so hard to save her...

He sucked in a breath, remembering. Not this time. This time it was different. He hadn't even gotten to her soon enough to be able to try. He'd failed her...and himself. He always promised himself he would protect her, that he would never leave her in harm's way. He'd never promised anything before. Why couldn't he keep this one damn promise?

He closed his eyes, trying desperately to calm himself as Splinter had tried to get him to do so many times before. He'd always pushed away his master's teachings about patience and anger, as well as the calming techniques he'd been so persistent about. But he had to admit, those lessons were beginning to show their value now. He knew he had to be strong. This day would soon be over, and then he would have to go on with the rest of his life. But how could he? How could he carry on knowing that he'd failed at something so entirely important?

Sighing, he picked up the brush from off the dresser. It had been Robyn's. It felt a little weird to hold it in his hands, almost disrespectful, but April had insisted. Robyn wouldn't have minded while she was alive. What made him think it would be any different now?

He brought his hand to her forehead, and began to brush the tangled hair. He felt weird...disconnected, and the whole scene around him felt morbid and perverse. His wife laying here, dead and broken, her clothes tattered and stained, her hair a mess of knots and tangles. His child laying on the other bed, just feet away, watching as he brushed her hair...

But it had to be done. Today she would be buried, and he'd be damned if he would put her to rest in this condition. No, she had to be perfect, just as he always remembered her. He only hoped that when he lowered the casket into the ground, he could bury the painful memories as well.

He rose shakily to his feet, still trying to slow his breathing, to clear his mind of the anger, and the pain. This was not an easy task for Raphael, however. He couldn't even begin to imagine how Leonardo managed to do so so effortlessly. The pain had him in its grasp, and it was fighting hard not to let go. He walked to the closet and stared at the rack where April had hung some of Megan’s things. He was really grateful to her for her assistance. He hadn't been able to go back there, not now. He remembered these clothes. He could picture her in them, the way her body fit into that black dress, the way her hips curved in those jeans. He bit his lip, breathing heavily, determined not to let the tears win again, as they had last night.

But what to dress her in? There were so many outfits here that he loved her in. Jeans seemed to be her most donned apparel, but he wondered if that was appropriate. Now that her body was almost back to its normal shape, he decided he should dress her in something flattering to her figure. He finally chose the black dress that he loved so much, and pulled it from the closet.

He was grateful that everyone had sort of stepped back and let him handle this by himself. He had been worried that Leo or April might barge in and insist on helping him, or tell him that he shouldn't be alone. They had been trying to push their way in for a while. What did they know about it anyway? How could they possibly know what he needed? April's sister is gone too, he had to remind himself.

Struggling to disconnect his emotions, he unbuttoned the dress she was wearing, and pulled her arms out of the sleeves slowly and gently. It was as if she was only sleeping, and he didn't want to wake her. He pulled the dress up over her head, watching as the long hair cascaded down her bare shoulders. Swallowing, he forced himself to look at her. His eyes fell on the scar between her breasts, barely visible after all this time. He couldn't help but think of that day again, when the Foot attacked her in Casey's apartment. She was swinging the bat, trying to defend herself. She was so strong...why couldn't she have been strong enough to live now?

Was it true what Baxter had said about her dying in childbirth? It was just like Casey's wife, Gabe. Now he understood the pain that Casey had gone through. Only this was different. Shadow wasn't Casey's own flesh and blood. He glanced at his son. He was sleeping peacefully now, his little lungs rising and falling with the breath of life.

He forced his eyes to her exposed body once more, at the stomach that was almost flat again. The slight roundness reminded him of how beautiful she'd been while pregnant with his child. He bit his lip as he pulled down the band of her underwear, taking note of a long scar that stretched a few inches under her bellybutton. A C-Section. Tenshi's size must have been too much for her to give birth naturally.

He could feel the heat rising in his eyes. Maybe Baxter had been right. Maybe his child had killed her.

As if on instinct, the baby began to cry. Raph turned quickly and stared at it, unsure what to do. Tenshi was throwing a tantrum, kicking his feet and crying out as loudly as his little lungs would allow. What had Splinter done when they were young? He couldn't remember, it had been so long ago.

"Shit!" Raph cursed. He scooped the baby into his arms and began to rock it gently, as he'd seen April do a hundred times with Christian. The baby continued to wail however, despite Raphael's best efforts.

"Come on little guy, stop crying, okay? I've gotta get your mom ready..."

The baby balled up it's fists, and let out a series of angered shrieks, almost as if reflecting the pain Raphael had bottled up inside. He was getting frustrated. "What is it?" he asked. "Are you hungry? Do you miss your mother? What?"

There was a knock at the door. "Raph?" It was April. "Can I come in?"

Raphael quickly pulled the blanket over Megan, and continued to rock Tenshi. He really wasn't in the mood for company right now, but he was grateful for the help. "Uhhh...yeah, April. The door’s open."

She entered slowly, apprehension in her features. The whole feel of the room was creepy, and it bothered her that Megan's body was just lying in here, as her husband prepared it for burial. It reminded her of the morgue.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, April. He just started crying, and he won't shut up. You would think since I picked him up--"

"Here, let me see him." April held out her arms, and Raphael reluctantly handed her the baby. He hated to part with him, even for a moment, but he was glad he had an experienced mother to offer some advice.

"Raph? When's the last time you changed his diaper?"

Raph swallowed. "Diaper?"

"Yeah...he's soaked."

Raphael hurried to the dresser. "Uhhh...right...diaper..." He opened a drawer and pulled one out, holding it between two fingers, as if it was going to bite him. April couldn't help but grin.

"And just what is so funny?"

"Nothing..." April bit her lip, trying to conceal her smile. It was so weird, and almost incredible watching him be a father. "Look, if you want me to--"

"No." Raphael tossed the diaper on the bed and took Tenshi from her. "I can do it. I'm gonna have to learn sometime, ain't I? Besides...how hard can it be?"

He could feel the pressure. It was weak at first, but the fingers were definitely beginning to grip his own.

"Don?"

Another squeeze, a little firmer this time.

"Don...it's Leo...can you hear me?"

Donatello gasped, his eyes flying open in horror. "N...no!"

"Don..." Leo laid a hand gently but firmly on his shoulder. "Don, it's Leo...you're gonna be okay."

Donatello's face twisted into a frown. "Leo?" The green face that stared back at him was blurry and distorted. He felt distant...the whole world seemed strangely disconnected from him.

"It's okay, Don, I'm right here." He tightened his grip on Donatello's hand, and breathed a sigh of relief as Don's fingers gripped again in response. "God, it's good to see you." The worry, the pain, the grief, it all released inside of him, and he felt like crying all over again.

"Leo...I thought I was...oh god, where's Baxter?"

"Shhh...Don, calm down. It's okay. It's over. It's all over."

Donatello let out a breath, and Leo could feel him relax a little.

"Where are we?"

"We're back home now, at your house. You did it, Don."

"I...Leo, I killed him." The truth of what he'd done hit him full force. "I killed--"

"I know, Don, it's okay. You had to. He was going to kill Raph."

Donatello closed his eyes. He remembered. Raphael had found Megan and his son. He was crying over her...then Baxter came in and they were fighting...there was a fire. Raphael thought he'd killed Baxter, but when his back was turned...

Don gritted his teeth. "My god, Leo...god...Megan--"

"It's okay, Don. Just relax."

It was hard to remember what had happened after that. All he could see now were distorted images--fire, heat, a baby reaching, a limp body...

"She's...she's dead, isn't she?"

Leo lowered his head and stared down at the carpet. The weight was coming down on him again. More bad news...why was he always having to deliver bad news? "Yeah..." he said softly, knowing he couldn't lie to him. "Yeah, Don. She's gone."

Donatello's eyes filled with tears. Why did so many people have to die? Megan was his friend. He'd respected her, and loved her as one of the family. And the way Raphael was around her...well, he was different...a better person. First he lost the woman he loved, and now the sister-in-law he'd come to respect and cherish. What would happen next? Who else would die and leave his life forever?

"Not fair..." he whispered.

Leo turned his eyes toward him again. "I know..."

"I'm going." Don's voice came out weak and strained.

"What? What do you mean, Don? Where--"

"The funeral. I could hear you talking with April. I want to go, Leo."

"Oh, Don...I don't know. You need your rest." He was worried about his mental state too.

"I'm going, Leo, and that's it. I have to. I have to do this."

Leo nodded and stared down at the floor again. "I understand, Don. I think it's something we all need to do."

"Phew! Could this possibly get any stinkier?" Raphael held the diaper as far away from himself as he possibly could, searching frantically for a trash can. "Just what the hell was in that formula April was feeding you last night?"

Tenshi stared up at his dad, giggling.

"You think this is funny? Shit...you just wait till you can eat solid foods. I'm gonna make you eat the nastiest stuff I can find. Strained peas...or maybe that yucky orange squash crap..." Then he thought about the possible outcome that might produce in the diaper. "On second thought..."

After wasting a couple diapers, he'd finally figured out the correct way to put them on. The first time, he'd gotten it way too loose, and when he picked the baby up, off slid the diaper. If that wasn't bad enough, Tenshi decided it was time to let loose at that moment, and Raph got a plastron full of something wet and sticky. After cleaning both himself and the baby as best he could, he was determined that diaper would stay in place. This time though, he fastened it so tight, Tenshi's stomach bulged over the top. Time to scrap that one too. The third time was the charm, and now Tenshi was nice and snugly in one of Christian's old sleepers. He was just glad that April didn't use cloth diapers. He could only imagine the trouble those would have caused.

"Ya know...it's said that the problem child will get back what he dished out to his parents three-fold."

Raph glanced behind him. Leo was standing in the doorway, an amused smirk on his face.

"Oh, shut up."

She wished Shadow didn't have to see this. She wished she could have protected her from it, but there was nothing she could do. Like herself, she realized that Shadow was destined for a life of difficult questions, with even more confusing answers. In a matter of a couple years, Christian would face it too. Sometimes it seemed so unfair. Their lives were so different from everyone else's. Shadow couldn't even play like a normal little girl. They were constantly watching over her, always in fear of their enemies. Sometimes she thought if she'd never met the turtles, she wouldn't be such a mess. Her sister would still be alive, and she'd have a normal life. Then she had to remind herself that she would have still gotten involved with Baxter, and she would probably be dead right now herself if her friends hadn't rescued her. She would have never met Casey or Shadow, and the sense of closeness that she'd grown so accustomed to with her extended family would be missing. She had to remind herself of the void she'd had in her life before that fateful day almost nine years ago.

"Uncle Mike?" The little girl was kneeling next to him, running her hand over his forehead as if to push back the hair that wasn't there. They had pulled an extra blanket over him last night, in an attempt to raise his body temperature, and Amber elevated his feet to fight against the shock. But Mike's condition hadn't improved. It seemed so unfair to her that good people had to suffer without the help of a hospital just because they weren't human. Mike was a person too, and he was her friend. She didn't think she could bear it if she lost someone else.

"Shadow honey, Uncle Mike needs his rest."

But Shadow was getting older. She understood these things more than April liked to admit. It came with the territory.

"But, mommy April, Mike's really sick. He won't wake up. Why won't he wake up?"

April bit her lip. This was the hard part, trying to explain things in a way that wouldn't be too frightening, while trying not to lose the grip on her emotions.

"Mike was hurt really bad, honey. See that bandage on his chest?"

Shadow stared at the stained gauze and nodded. "Uncle Raph said that girl Amber stabbed him..."

April was appalled. What kind of things was Raphael filling Shadow's head with? She didn't need to hear such ghastly things at her age, even if Raphael was upset...even if they were true.

The little girl looked up at April with big, sorrowful blue eyes. "He's dying, isn't he?"

April felt her pulse quicken. She didn't know what to say. Shadow had voiced something that up until now April had tried to deny. No little girl should have to go through this, she thought to herself.

"Honey, why don't you go say hi to Don?" She gathered all of her courage to force a smile. "He's been waiting to see you all morning."

Shadow rose reluctantly, not wanting to take her eyes off of Michaelangelo. What if she turned her back and he disappeared? But after a few moments, she pulled herself away and did as April suggested.

"Hi uncle Don." He was still laying on his back on the love seat, a little too weak to get up and move around just yet.

He smiled weakly. "Hello, Shadow."

"It's good to see you again. Did uncle Leo make you all better?"

The smile on his face deepened, and he pulled her close. "Yeah...Leo made me all better."

Shadow allowed him to hold her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too."

"I wish uncle Mike would wake up..." She lowered her voice to a whisper so April couldn't hear. "I think he's dying."

Don felt a tinge of pain grip him. Leonardo had told him Mike's condition was bad, but he still wasn't prepared to face the worst. Coming from Shadow, it almost seemed like a slap in the face. He loosened his grip on her. "Why don't you go with April now and get ready? We have to leave soon."

"I know." Shadow lowered her head and slowly left his side. April flashed Don an apologetic look before leading Shadow down the hall.

"Donatello!" Trevor ran to him and threw his arms around the turtle.

"Trevor...?" He'd never seen the boy so energetic.

"Donatello...you're alive! You didn't leave me!"

Don held his arms, loosening the grip a little. His body still hurt all over. "I told you I wouldn't leave, and I meant it."

For the first time since he'd met Trevor, the boy smiled, and as Don looked into his eyes, he could see the joy was genuine.

"Everybody leaves me." He said quietly, the smile disappearing. "Everybody but you."

Don felt a lump well up in his throat as the boy hugged him again. It was true. Trevor was alone now, without a mother or father. He had never had someone so dependent on him before. It was a little scary, but it felt good to be so needed.

"Trevor..." He wrapped an arm around him weakly. "We're gonna need each other now. And I'm glad you're here too..."

Ahhh...peace. The baby was drinking contentedly from the bottle now. For a while there, he thought he would never get him to quiet down. He carried Tenshi toward the living room, hoping to put him to sleep with the motion. Donatello was awake, just as Leo had said, and Trevor was sitting next to him on the love seat. Raph couldn't help but smile at seeing Don awake and well.

"Why'd she have to die, Don?" Trevor had his arms around Don's neck.

Raph couldn't see the boy's face, but he could see tears on Donatello's cheeks. He knew how Don felt. It just wasn't fair.

"I don't know, Trevor...I wish I did, but I don't have all the answers." He ran a hand over Trevor's hair, wishing there was something he could say to make things all right.

Trevor stayed where he was for a long time, crying softly into Donatello's plastron. Don really didn't seem to mind too much. In fact, Trevor's presence was somewhat of a comfort to him. Finally, the boy rose his head.

"It'll be time soon." Don said softly. "Why don't you go get ready?"

Trevor nodded and took Don's hand, squeezing it. Then he got up and disappeared down the hall.

Don watched him go. When he was out of sight, he closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the sorrow that filled him now.

"Hey, Don?"

He opened his eyes. Raphael was standing over him, cradling a baby.

"Raph...I--" He immediately thought of Megan, and the grief overtook him.

"It's okay, Don. Don't, all right?" Raphael held out his arms.

Don took the baby carefully, not nearly so afraid of breaking it as he had once been.

"You were pretty out of it before." Raph said gently. "So I figure I better introduce him again. This is Tenshi."

Don smiled despite the pain. "Tenshi...what a nice name."

"You know...you were really good back there...with Trevor."

Don’s face fell again. "Yeah, well...he needs me right now. Besides April and Casey, I'm all he's got."

"Yeah..." Raph stared at the baby in Don's arms. "I just hope I can be as good with him. I'm not a real patient person, you know..."

Don wanted to tell him that it certainly was no revelation, but he kept quiet about that. "Don't worry, Raph, we're all here to help you. I just...I can't ask them for help with Trevor. They've got their own kids to worry about. Shadow's pretty upset over Mikey."

Raphael allowed his sight to fall on his wounded brother, and his heart sank. Michaelangelo was his best friend. What would he do if he died? Then again, did it really matter anymore? He'd already lost his father and the woman he loved. Didn't it make sense that his best buddy would be ripped away from him too?

"He's gonna be okay." Don whispered. "He has to be."

Raph looked away, saying nothing. He didn't want to be comforted anymore. He just wanted to push these feelings back down where they came from and forget about them. He was determined not to relive what happened last night.

"Well...anyway..." he said at last. "I hope I can figure out how to be a good father to this little guy. I never planned on having someone depend on me before."

Don smiled. "Ya know, Raph, I never pictured you as much of a father figure. But you're doing good. Heck, you got the diaper on right. Took me a few tries before I could do that with Christian."

"Yeah, well...what makes you think I had it so easy...?" Raph grew quiet, and Don could see the distance in his eyes.

"Things will turn out all right, Raph. I'm sure Tenshi will grow up just fine."

There was that awkward sense of comfort again. It was starting to get on his nerves. "I don't know how you do it, Donnie." he said sarcastically.

"Do what?"

"Stay so fucking positive when everything around us is crumbling. Look around you! Everyone's dying! Everything--" He stopped himself, not wanting to feel the pain that he'd struggled so hard to swallow up, to ignore. He could see the hurt and surprise in his brother's eyes. "Anyway, I thought that was Mikey's job."

"Yeah, well.." Don spared a sad glance at Michaelangelo. "He's not here right now. I wish he was, because I could really use someone to lift my spirits right about now. It's not as easy as it looks, Raph. Believe me, I'm barely holding it together on my own." He forced a weak smile, but Raph saw right through it.

"Maybe after today, we can all stop pretending that everything's sunshine and rainbows."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Shit, Donatello!" Raph threw up his arms in disgust. "Do I have to spell it out for you? People we loved are dead! So don't you lay there acting as if everything's all right, because I know you feel it too."

He wished he wouldn't have flown off the handle like that. He could see the hurt fill his brother's eyes again. Donatello sucked in a breath. His brother's words had hit very close to home. The pain he was feeling over Robyn's death was almost unbearable. "Yeah, Raph. I do. That's why I have to keep telling myself that things will get better. I understand how Mike does it now. It makes it easier to ignore the pain."

It was silent for a while. Raphael didn't know what else to say, and in fact, he didn't really feel like talking at all. All that did was remind him of the bad things. He didn't want to think about that anymore. He wouldn't allow himself to.

Don could see the pain welling up in his brother's eyes again...a pain they both shared.

"We have a long day ahead of us." Don croaked, trying to get a grip on his own emotions.

"Mmm..." Raphael didn't look at him, just continued to stare off into space.

"I--I'm afraid, Raph." Don admitted suddenly, unable to hold it together any longer. "I don't know how to go on without her. I feel--I can't--"

Raphael lifted his head and stared at Donatello, compassion filling him. He knew he should say something to comfort his brother, but he couldn't. He would be opening his heart all over again, and that would mean risking the painful emotions he'd fought so hard to get under check. "Yeah, well...you gotta toughen up, Don. Life isn't fair. In fact, it just plain sucks."

Don stared at him for a moment, not knowing what to say. Damn that Raphael...it was just like him to build up the walls as soon as his emotions got the best of him.

Raph stood again and took Tenshi from Don's arms. "I gotta go for a while. I'll see you there."

"Yeah, okay." Don laid there quietly, stunned, and watched him go.

Casey lowered his head into his hands. "I just don't know if I can do this."

April was running her hand over his hair, wishing there was something she could do to comfort him, to take away his pain. She had never seen him so emotional.

"Dammit!" His voice was mumbled through his hands. "She was my baby cousin, April..."

"I know." April said softly, blotting at her tears with a tissue. "She was my friend too. And Robyn was my sister."

Casey rose his head to look at her. His eyes were puffy and red, from a long session of crying. "God April, I'm sorry. How could I have been such a jerk--"

"No, it's okay." She sniffled. "We've both lost people we loved. It's going to take some time."

"You're leaving today." He said, almost melancholy. "You're leaving, and then I don't have to feel this way anymore." His face was void of emotion as he smoothed the hair back from her face. "I don't want to let you go, but I have to. I have to get on with my life."

He took her hand then, and stared down at her wedding ring. At least those bastards hadn't taken that. He thought with all their greed and hatred, they would have spared nothing to take away his dignity, to steal every last thing that was important to him. It was true it wasn't the most extravagant piece of jewelry, but he had worked hard to get it for her. He'd even done chores for April, something he hated with a passion.

"You're still my wife." he said to her. "And that'll never change. I'll always love you." He rose his eyes finally, to stare into her face one last time. The way he saw her now would be forever burned into his memory.

After a moment, he closed his eyes, unable to look at her anymore. The pain was welling up again, and he was determined to fight it down. He wouldn't allow himself to cry anymore, not now, not ever. He gripped her hand tighter as images flooded his memory again.

He saw a fire burning brightly, two figures silhouetted against the flames. Their palms were touching, their faces close to one another. He could smell the burning wood, feel the heat on his face, as if it had only been yesterday.

Before he knew it, he had lowered her onto her back on the floor, the shadows from the fire highlighting her face, her eyes. He was straddling her, his body bent over hers, kissing her passionately, a well of desire building up inside of him.

"I love you...y'know...", he whispered in between breaths.

He needed her, just like he needed her now.

He was lifting her shirt, exposing her flesh. She was smiling at him with that loving, understanding smile...

A tear was streaming down his cheek again. He sucked in a breath, forcing the images from his mind.

"Dammit!" he whispered, wiping his eyes. They were still closed. He couldn't bear to look at her again.

He sat like that for a long while, how long, he couldn't tell, until something jarred him back to reality. He opened his eyes. Something wasn't right. Something seemed...odd. Was it the air? The horrible irony of the moment? Then he felt it again, and suddenly, he knew what it was.

His heart began to pound like never before. He rose to his knees and stared at her intently, gave her hand a firm squeeze. Maybe it had only been his imagination. Of course it was! What the hell was he thinking? But then it came again, a faint, but very distinguishable twitch of her fingers.

His eyes widened in excitement and wonder. "Holy shit!" He let her hand go and ran to the door. "Somebody...get the hell in here!"

It just wasn't fair. None of this was. Why did it always seem his "baby" brother had to suffer? Only a year and a half ago, he'd been injured severely by Karai's poisonous mutagen. They thought they would lose him then. It was deja vu, sitting next to him here, knowing that his life was slipping away again.

But maybe Mike was the lucky one. At least he could bypass all of the hurt and pain they were experiencing. At the moment, Leo would have given anything to be unconscious, unaware of the tragedy that surrounded him.

Master Splinter, I wish you were here...I can't--I don't know what to do, how to hold everyone together. Look at me, I'm a mess myself...

He buried his face in his hands, frustrated, defeated. So many good people had died. His friends, Megan and Robyn were gone forever, and soon they would probably lose Mike too. It just didn't seem fair. The women were innocents. They had never hurt anyone.

"Hey!" he heard someone call in desperation. "Casey? Leo? Get your asses in here!"

It was Raph. Leo jumped up from the couch and hurried toward the hallway. What on earth? Oh god...something must have happened to the baby...

Leo spared a backward glance. April and Casey were following close behind.

"Raph?"

The side of his head was pressed against her chest, his hand resting on her stomach. His eyes were closed, but from the rise and fall of his body, Leo could tell he was breathing deeply, as if in concentration.

"Raph, I--"

"Shhh..." He opened his eyes.

"What is it, Raph? What happened? Is everything all right? I heard you calling--"

Raphael rose to his feet and stared at them with apprehension and wonder in his eyes. "I...I don't know. I--"

"Raph?" April took his hands and stared into his face, trying to avoid eye contact with her dead body. "It's gonna be okay..."

Raphael pulled away from her grasp. "No, April, you don't understand. I felt something!"

"What?" Casey spoke up finally. "What do you mean? What did you feel?"

"I...shit." Raph turned his back on them and closed his eyes. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

It was clear that it had all been just a figment of his imagination. Her heart wasn't beating. Why would it be? She'd been dead for at least a day and a half now. And there was no magic in this world that could bring her back to him.

"Raph, please." Leo pleaded.

He turned to face them. "Look, it's nothing. I just thought...I thought I saw her...move."

All eyes turned to Megan. She was laying as still as ever and her eyes were closed. She was dressed in a silky black dress, and her hair was brushed neatly away from her face. She looked almost alive again.

Casey couldn't look at her any longer. Dammit Raphael! Why did you have to bring me here again?

April was crying. It hurt so much to look at a body that had once contained the soul of a friend. It was clear that Raphael was taking it much harder than he'd let himself show. Even after all this time, he couldn't fully believe that she was dead.

But Leo wasn't grieving. Instead, he was focused on something else, something so minor it was hard to detect. Narrowing his eyes, he stared at her hands, searching...

"Dammit..." Raphael breathed, feeling stupid and vulnerable. "Just forget it, all right? I was wrong. Just let--"

"Wait!" Leonardo gasped. "Wait...I see something!"

"Come on, baby...come on..." He had her hand nestled between his. He squeezed it over and over, trying to wake her from the coma.

Voices and bodies surrounded him on all sides, but he didn't hear or see them. He was oblivious to everything, except her.

"Hand me that IV bag."

A bag was passed from Leo's hands to Amber's. She hung it from the bedpost and dug through her things. Luckily, she still had a little bit of serum left. She filled the bag quickly and pulled out a fresh needle, attaching it to the hose that was already filling with the clear liquid.

"Raphael..." A hand was on his shoulder. "Amber's gotta have some room here to work."

He rose his eyes to look at Leo, then glanced over at Amber with mixed emotions. It was her fault Megan had almost died. How could he trust her with her life again? Because, at the moment, he had no other choice. Reluctantly, he rose and moved back out of the way, never taking his eyes off of her.

Amber shot him a nervous smile, then turned to her work. Breathing heavily, and shaking, she took Megan’s arm in her hands, searching for a vein. When she found one, she sank the needle into her skin and taped it there, hoping the IV would do its work quickly and get some nourishment back into her body.

They all knew she wasn't out of trouble yet. She'd lost some blood, she was still unconscious, and her pulse was very faint. They could lose her at any moment, and they all knew it. But at least she was alive. It seemed like a miracle, after all this time. And they clung to hope. They had to, it was all they had left.

More movement around him...Casey kneeling at her other side, gripping her arm, pressing his hand to her forehead, April staring down at Megan in shock, a silent prayer at her lips, Leo fighting the tension by busily assisting Amber...

But he just stood there watching, disconnected. The air held a dream-like quality that he couldn't shake. All he could do was stand there and hope.

After the IV tubes were connected, her temperature was taken and blankets were thrown over her. It was a sick reminder of that day again, a day he would never forget. Only this time, he wasn't alone.

"How?" Leo was asking. "How could this happen?"

Amber shook her head. "I don't...I don't know...I thought--I mean, she must not have really been dead. There must have been something--"

"Drugs."

All eyes turned to find Don in the doorway, leaning heavily on his bo. His color was still pale, his eyes a little glazed over, but he was standing.

"What?" Amber asked in surprise.

"Did she have any drugs in her system? Painkillers?"

Amber's eyes widened in understanding. "Painkillers...yeah. Phil--Baxter had insisted on them. I agreed with him at first. She was in a lot of pain. But, he kept pumping her full of them, every hour or so, almost as if--oh god...god, he drugged her and--"

"An overdose." Don finished for her. "We're damn lucky it didn't kill her." He inched himself forward carefully until he was standing over her. Breathing a sigh of relief mixed with warning, he continued. "Painkillers are depressants, and as we all know, depressants tend to slow down basic bodily functions. Taking too much of the drug into your system can cause shallow respiration and a slow, very weak pulse. Sometimes a person who has been effected by the drug may have cold, clammy skin too. All of these side effects may cause a person to appear dead."

Raphael swallowed, his heart racing. What if he hadn't gone back for her? She'd be dead now, burned alive. He shuddered at the thought. So maybe he really had saved her. And his child...it wasn't his fault after all.

"We should get her to a doctor." Casey said.

"No." Raph was at her side again, staring into her face, his heart filling with renewed hope.

"Raph, I have to agree with Casey here." Leo said gently. "A hospital can do much more for her than we can. She has a better chance if--"

"Fine. Okay..." He knew they were right. And he couldn't risk losing her again. "Just...just wait till after the funeral. Then I'll let her go. Just give me until then."

Despite the chill air, it was a beautiful day. The sky was clear and blue, and as far as the eye could see, not a cloud was in sight. There was even the far off sound of birds, fairly unusual for a cold December afternoon. The wind blew lightly, ruffling the jacket she had wrapped around herself. But the air around her felt distinctly warm compared to the chill that had gripped her heart.

Robyn, I... There were so many things she wanted to say, but she found she didn't have a voice for any of them. She wanted to tell her how much her friendship had meant, along with the concern and compassion her older sister had always shown. She wanted to say that she was sorry for the way things turned out. She wanted her to know that Trevor was in good hands.

"And so as we lay Robyn O'Neil to rest, we must remember not to grieve. For she is in a better place, and we will all see her again someday."

Donatello gripped her hand tighter as he stared at the closed casket, ready for burial. Just moments ago, it had been open, and he was starting into that lifeless face. He was glad it was finally over. It had almost been too much.

They stood there for a long while, hand in hand. A crowd had formed all around them, mostly their close family and friends--the turtles, Casey, the kids, but there were also a few others, close friends of the O'Neil family, a few people from work. No one seemed to notice the turtles however. It was fortunate it was such a cold day, because they could cover themselves up without suspicion.

The breeze was picking up, but the sun was beginning to shine, spreading its warmth all around them. Donatello squeezed her hand one last time and let go. It was time to say good-bye. He strode forward slowly and silently, his hands quaking. Carefully, he pulled out a long red rose and laid it on top of the casket.

"Good-bye, Robyn." He croaked, almost soundlessly. "I love you."

He turned, aware that he could hold in the grief no longer. It wasn't like him to run away from things, but this was unbearable. Quickly, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, he strode away, allowing the chill wind to cool his tears.

April closed her eyes. This couldn't be happening. It shouldn't be happening. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair at all. Why was she being forced to accept it? Why did it have to hurt so much?

Casey stood next to her, a look of despair in his eyes. A part of him felt overjoyed that his cousin still had a chance, but he knew it was slim. And he couldn't feel happy knowing that his sister-in-law was dead. So many people had loved her, and so many were hurting.

Trevor and Shadow stood with them. Even at her age, Shadow could feel the pain of her aunt's loss. She glanced at her cousin, noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. She hoped Megan was really okay. She liked her, and she needed her to live. She had seen so much death lately, it scared her. And her uncle Mike...he had to be alive. She needed him most of all.

Following Don's previous example, Trevor broke away and strode forward to lay another rose next to his. I loved you, mom, he thought. Even though I hardly knew you...I know you were a good person.

As he stared down at the roses, the tears began to fall.

All was silent. The sun sat low on the western horizon, casting it's orange light horizontally over the land. He had been standing here for a long time, just thinking, trying to piece everything together. He didn't notice the figure moving toward him, the coat billowing around it like the waves of the sea. He knew only pain, darkness, an emptiness that would consume him forever.

"Hey...Don?"

He glanced up, startled, and his eyes met with that of Raphael's.

"I know you probably don't want company right now, but...I just came to say...I'm sorry."

Don didn't respond, just lowered his eyes to the ground again.

"Look, I acted like a jerk. But...I'm gonna miss her."

Don sighed. "Yeah, well..."

"I just keep thinking over and over...it could have been her. She was supposed to be there too."

Don rose his eyes finally, a hint of anger filling them. "But she wasn't, was she Raph? My girlfriend died, but your wife is still alive."

"I know Donnie. I know...it isn't...it's not fair..."

"No." His voice grew louder, the tears threatening to spill over again. "No, it's not fair! And do you know the most disgusting part?" He pointed an accusing finger at Raphael. "If it would have been her, things would be different right now, and you'd still be acting like a jerk!"

Raphael stared silently at Don. It was rare he'd seen him so angry, but he understood. "You're right."

Don didn't say anything.

"You're right, Don. I was a total--I was an asshole, all right? I know that. But Don, I'm sorry. Really, I am. I never meant...look, what I'm trying to say is that...she was my friend too. I cared about her, and I'll miss her."

"Thanks." He lowered his eyes to watch the wind whip through the grass again.

"Don, I know this sounds weird coming from me, but I know what you're going through. I almost lost her, Don. I was almost standing there right next to you, feeling what you were feeling, and knowing she'd never come back. Even now...I still don't know if she's gonna make it."

All was silent for a while, except the whistling of the wind.

"She's gonna make it." Don said at last.

"How do you know?"

"There's been too much death already...I just...I just know."

Raphael gave his shoulder a squeeze and headed back toward the path that led to Don's house. He could only hope his brother was right. Donatello watched him go, strangely comforted by Raph's new attitude, but thankful to be alone once again.

All he could think about was how much his life had changed since he met her. She'd taught him things that, even with all of his knowledge, he could never have understood. And she had been his friend. They could talk about anything in the world, from something as bizarre as UFOs to something complicated like nuclear physics. They had indeed taught each other a lot. And now that she was gone, there would be an empty void in his life that he knew would never quite be filled.

“It's time.”

A hand was laying on his shoulder, barely resting there. He didn't turn around. He knew who it was.

"Okay, just...give me a minute."

The fingers gripped him firmly and let go.

"Okay, we'll be waiting for you in the living room. Take your time. The hospital's not too far from here."

He listened as the footsteps left him, and when they got close to the door, he turned around suddenly.

"Hey, Leo?"

The turtle turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

He glanced up at the sky, at the growing patch of dark blue, the faint beginning of stars. There was a bright spot off in the distance, yellow and orange light casting it's last look on the day. It would be totally dark soon. As he stared at that light patch, he thought about his mother. For a brief moment, she had been the bright patch in his darkened life, a ray of hope that things would be better now. But like the setting sun, she too had faded.

He felt alone. More alone than he ever had been in his entire life. Maybe it was because he finally knew what it was like to have real friends and family who cared, and now those things were being taken away.

He'd looked up to his father. He'd trusted in his lies. But now he knew the truth, and it hurt more than anything. His mother hadn't left him, not really. His father had won custody of him because he made more money and his life was assumed to be more stable and secure. But his father himself wasn't stable. He proved that when he locked him away in the attic. How long had he stayed up there? He couldn't even remember. He'd lost all track of time.

His father was a criminal, and he'd hurt people, even his own family. He messed up their lives, just as he'd ruined his own life, and that of his mother. He really wished the turtles would have found him sooner. He wished he could have really gotten to know her. He knew she was a good person. She deserved to be happy.

His sight traveled toward a figure in the distance, unmoving. It was as if it was waiting for him, as if it knew he would come. He hurried toward it, knowing that this was all the hope he had left.

Donatello held out his hand, and Trevor took it. He could see the uncertainty and the hurt in the boy's eyes. How awful this must be for him, knowing that he no longer had a family, finally realizing what his mother meant to him after it was already too late. By these standards, Donatello was lucky. He was raised by a good father, and he had brothers who genuinely cared for him. Even though his father was now gone, and Mike might not make it, he knew that they would be forever bound. They would never really leave him.

Trevor stood there quietly, staring off into the distance. He looked so fragile, so vulnerable. Donatello wanted to say something to him, but he couldn't find the words. Maybe if he knew he wasn't alone...

"Trevor, you know...you're part of our family now. Your aunt April, your uncle Casey...and the rest of us. We won't abandon you. We--"

Trevor glanced up at him, a look of admiration in his eyes. His lip was quivering slightly and tears found their way down his cheeks. He turned to face Donatello, and forced himself to stare him in the eyes. This was something he had to do. If he never asked, he would never know, and he knew he would come to regret that.

Donatello noticed his uneasiness. "Trevor, what is it?"

"Donatello...will you--I really want you to...be my dad."

Don stared at him in shock. His dad...he asked me to be his dad...

With tears coming to his own eyes, he threw his arms around Trevor and pulled him close.

"I gotta let you go for a while." Raphael took Megan's hand and squeezed it gently. "I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, just remember I love you. You're gonna get better, Megan. You're gonna come home to me."

He let her hand drop gently to her side and stared at her face. She didn't move, and for a moment he was scared that she wasn't breathing. But when he rose his hand to her face, he could feel the reassuring touch of her breath. It was faint, but it was there.

It was time. He couldn't make them wait any longer, and if she were indeed to live, he knew he had to get her to the hospital soon. He'd lost her once. He wasn't about to let it happen again.

He grabbed a bag and set it on his lap. He had picked some clothes out for her to wear, in case...no, when she came home to him from the hospital. He laid the jeans and shirt in the bag and zipped it shut. All he could think about was how fragile she was at the moment. He could lose her all over again at any moment. And that would hurt even worse than before.

He knew he should get up now, tell the others he was ready, but he couldn't. He couldn't let them see the puffiness in his eyes, or the fresh tears that had found their escape yet again. He sat there for a few moments, trying to collect himself. He had to stop this. It all seemed worse for some reason now that she was alive. Maybe it was the mystery of the unknown. Would she die? If she lived, would she be a vegetable? Would she suffer brain damage? Would he be forced to watch her slip away as Donatello had with Robyn? He closed his eyes as a shiver wracked his body. He couldn't do this. He couldn't watch her suffer, and he hated feeling so weak.

"R...Raphael?"

He wiped his eyes as quickly and as inconspicuously as he could. It was time. He could put it off no longer. But as he turned, he realized--that wasn't April's voice.

"Raph, is that you?"

He stared down at her in shock. Her eyes were open, blinking, trying to adjust to the light. Her forehead was wrinkled into a frown, and she was staring at him.

Suddenly, all of his emotions came crashing down at once. The fear, the anger, the pain, the anguish, the guilt all faded away and was replaced by only joy and hope and excitement.

"My god...Megan...you're...you're alive!"

She forced a weak smile. "Why are you crying?"

"God," he took her hands in his own, reassured by the light grip she returned. "I thought...I thought I'd lost you."

She stared up at him in wonder. "I thought I'd lost you. I thought I'd never see you again."

He leaned over and gave her a hug, sobbing into her shoulder. His arms felt so good around her, so comforting and so warm.

He didn't want to let go, ever. But he had to. There were so many things he had to tell her.

"Oh god, Raph!" she cried suddenly, remembering her capture in the laboratory. "God...the baby!"

"Shhh..." He laid his hand gently on her forehead, brushing back her hair. "It's okay. He's here. He's all right."

Megan swallowed and watched as he got up and hurried to the other bed. When she saw the baby in his arms, she let out a gasp.

"God, Raph, he's beautiful!"

Raphael smiled and sat next to her again, laying the baby in her arms. "I know. I named him Tenshi."

She stared down at the tiny creature, mesmerized by the gray-violet of his eyes, so intense, like his father's. "Tenshi?"

"Yeah, I hope that's okay. It's Japanese. It means 'blessing from heaven'. But if you don't like it--"

"No." she smiled. "It's perfect." She stared down at her son. "Tenshi."

Raphael watched as Megan cradled the baby. She was studying him, discovering all of the characteristics that made him unique. She ran her hand over the tuft of thick black hair, pressed a finger to his little nose. With shaky hands, she unbuttoned the sleeper and studied his chest, ran her hand over the indents of the semi-plastron. She was crying, but her tears were happy ones.

Raphael too was crying, but he was no longer afraid. He was realizing all over again how much he loved her, how beautiful she was. Something inside of him yearned to be near her, to hold her in his arms once again. It had been so long. Yet he knew he had to be careful. She was still very weak from all she had been through, and her body would take some time to heal from the birth.

Still, he needed her like never before. He had to feel her again, if only to touch her and hold her close. He wished he could move inside her, to be one with her again, but of course, that would come with time. Right now, he would be content just to run his hands over her skin again, to smell her, to feel her touch him. He took Tenshi gently from her arms and laid him back on the other bed. Then, without warning, he leaned over and kissed her passionately. Megan closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of him fill her. He brought his hands up to cradle her jaw as they kissed, then slowly moved them down over the skin of her shoulders and arms. A shiver went through her as he gently brushed the strap of her dress from her shoulder and stared into her eyes. She could see that passion and determination return, and she smiled.

He rose quickly and shut the door, hoping that no one would come to disturb them for a few moments.

Leo had been walking toward the room to see what was taking Raphael so long, when he saw the door close before him. He stood there for a minute, trying to decide whether he should knock and make sure he was all right. But then he heard voices coming from the other side of the door, and he froze.

“Raph? What the heck is that?”

“Uhhh...what? What the heck is what?”

“Oh my god...is that a ring in your--”

“Shhh! Someone might hear you.”

Chapter 16

Lightning Crashes

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