Leonardo began to get on his case, reminding him that we were a team, and that we needed to practice as such. But Leo's speeches only seemed to drive him farther away. I remember one night, he came home clearly upset. Instead of heading off to be alone, he lingered near us, almost as if he was asking us to question him. Mike had just brought home some fresh baked pizza, but Raphael seemed uninterested.
'You okay?' I asked him. 'You love pepperoni.'
He was on edge. 'I lost a fight Don.' I don't think I had ever heard those words come out of his mouth before. But there was something else, something that clearly shamed him to talk about. 'To a girl.'
'Oh.' I wasn't quite sure what to say, but something inside of me found it quite humorous. 'Got beat by a girl? Ha, you've lost your edge. She ninja at least? What's she like? Can you tell us her name? Please?'
He folded his arms across his chest and stared at me defiantly. 'No.'
'C'mon, Raph. Can we meet her??'
'My mistake.' He grumbled and turned to leave, but before he had the chance, another voice rang out, and he stood frozen in place.
'Yes. Please do tell us...' It was Splinter.
Raph turned quickly to face him. 'No, Splinter. Not now...'
But Splinter made him talk. Raphael was very apprehensive to tell us much about this girl at all. It seemed as though he was trying to protect her somehow, or maybe it was more that he was trying to keep his private life secret. None of us could really blame him for that. Most of us didn't even have a private life.
In some way, he seemed to relate to her. Maybe it was their shared interest in fighting, or the fact that they'd basically both grown up in poverty. Quite possibly it was the fact that neither of them got along real well with their brothers. In any case, he found himself thinking of her when they weren't together, and he grew impatient for the next meeting."
"We have to talk, Raphael. It's important."
"No. I'm busy. Perhaps some other--"
"No! Now! I am still the leader here. That much has not changed. Why have you been sneaking off to spar? We are brothers. Don't you trust us?"
"I have my own reasons."
"No good. We are a team. A family. We need each other for help, protection and support. We need you, Raphael. You can not go your separate way."
"Yeah..." Don sighed as he thought about this conversation, about everything it had meant at the time. Eventually, things had changed though. "Some family we turned out to be."
"It's personal." Raphael insisted. "I can't be cooped up down here. You wouldn't understand."
But Leo wasn't about to let up. "You crave danger? Excitement?"
"What are we, boring?" Don asked.
"To Raph." Mike grinned.
Raphael had just about enough. He turned to leave, but Leonardo grabbed him by the edge of his carapace.
"Yet, you lack discipline and forethought."
"Just great," Raphael whined. "A lecture."
"Our enemies are everywhere...you put her in constant danger. You ever think of that?"
"No...no, I just..."
"You are obsessed with beating her...this obsession makes you weak. You have turned from us, brother. How can we trust you? You must never see her again."
"Raphael was angry at first. How dare Leo say such things to him? But as he thought about it, he realized he really was obsessed with beating her. Leo had been right. Only...it stemmed much deeper than that."
Not wishing to be found out, Raphael planned their next meeting very late at night. As soon as Lucindra arrived, he led her deep into the sewers, far away from the lair. Unbeknownst to them at the time, the Foot had been tracking her for several weeks by now, and they'd followed her here. Once they were far enough away to not be heard or seen, the enemy made themselves known, surrounding them on all sides.
It was a very uneven fight - thirty to two. Raphael knew their odds were bad, and he tried to protect her, but she wouldn't hear of it. Raphael was her friend, and besides, their attack was partially her fault. They worked together, Raphael with his sai, and Lucindra open handed as usual. They made a great team. As their enemies fell one by one, Raphael realized that Leo had been right all along. He should have never dragged Lucindra this far from the lair. He had put her life in danger. It had been a very irresponsible decision.
They were making short work of their enemies, but they were beginning to tire, and thus couldn't move quite fast enough.
"Raff! Look out!"
Something was whizzing past his head. Shuriken. Quickly, he moved in front of her, trying to block her from the attack. Several of the stars found their way into his right arm and leg, slicing him up pretty badly. Lucindra had been hit too, but not as severely. She watched in terror as Raphael slumped to the ground.
Lucindra was alone to fight off the remaining Foot, and she had problems of her own. The poison was starting to effect her system. She was slowing, becoming ever more groggy and disoriented. Yet, she carried on, knowing that Raphael needed her help.
"She carried Raph for several city blocks until she could walk no more. Luckily, we had been on their trail. When she spotted us, she thought we were more of the enemy, and she prepared to defend herself. Not wishing to cause her any further injury or upset her even more, Mike knocked her over the head, rendering her unconscious.
We rushed them to Splinter just on time. His tea and healing herbs worked their magic quickly, and soon Raphael was back on his feet. It was Lucindra that we were more concerned about. Splinter made Raphael tell us everything, from the night they'd met until their rumble with the Foot just a couple hours previous. As he told his tale, we made a dramatic desision. We would invite Lucindra to spar with us, to become ninja as we were. With her abilities, she would be a definite asset to our team. Finally, as she started to awaken, Splinter gave Raphael a fresh cup of tea for her and led us away.
To this day, I am unsure what happened to Lucindra. She obviously turned down our offer. Raphael never said much about what happened after we left. I always assumed that our plans didn't coincide with her own. I guess I'll never know now."
^^ACCESSING...LAST NAME THOMPKINS...FIRST NAME LUCINDRA...FIVE FILES FOUND...ONE
UNACCESSED^^
Donatello stared at the panel of circuits in awe. "Play it, Chet."
He found himself standing in a small, simple room. The old walls were worn, yet stable. Despite the condition of the matted brown carpet, Donatello could tell that she'd done her best to take care of this place. There were a few posters on the walls, but not much else. A bed, a nightstand, and a rickety dresser were the room's only furniture.
"This must be her bedroom." Donatello decided.
Chet did not respond.
("I knew I probably shouldn't have followed him, but I was worried.")
It was Michaelangelo's voice. This must have been a page from his diary.
("There was something in his eyes that went beyond depression, or even frustration. I just had to make sure he was okay.")
Lucindra suddenly appeared before him. From the looks of it, she had just gotten out of the shower. Her wet hair hung down her shoulders, and dripped onto the silky peach robe that was tied loosely around her waist.
A look of alarm crossed her face as a sound seemed to echo up the wall right outside the window. The fire escape! Was it her brother, Malcolm? No, even Malcolm wasn't that stupid. He had the key. He could enter through the front door.
Lucindra took a breath, keeping calm control of her emotions. She had trained herself for this. One could never be too careful in this neighborhood at night. She rushed to the living room and grabbed a ten pound barbell, mentally preparing herself to bash the person's head in if they tried anything funny. Still slightly woozy from the poisoned shuriken, she stumbled back to her bedroom and positioned herself at the side of the window, her back pressed firmly against the wall. Sucking in a breath, she waited...
After several minutes, her persuer finally made it to the top. She could sense his presence, and as he got nearer, she could make out the figure's dim shadow on the adjacent wall. A sound reverberated through the room. He was banging on the glass, trying to get her attention. Gasping, she gripped the barbell tighter and prepared to defend herself. But before she could lash out, she heard a familiar muffled voice calling out to her.
"Lucindra!"
"Raff?" Stunned, she turned to face the window, and could make out his stocky sillhouette in the moonlight. She dropped the barbell and unlatched the window, pulling it open quickly. The night air was warm and breezy, and as it flooded in, he sat there for a moment, noticing how it caught the ends of her long hair, and tossed the folds of the silk robe loosely around her. For an instant she looked vulnerable, helpless, and he found himself staring.
"Dammit, Raff, don't ever do that to me again, kay? You almost gave me a heart attack!"
"Sorry." He said quietly. It was obvious there was something on his mind. "I just...I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?"
She made a motion with her hand that it was alright to enter. Slowly, almost warily, he jumped down from the window ledge and moved toward her.
Donatello watched in silence. Mike had been correct. Something in his eyes wasn't quite right.
("I couldn't have known...I just wanted to check on him. He'd been acting so strangely lately.")
Donatello stared in amused wonder as he noticed the top of Mike's head pop up in the window to watch them.
("I wish I would have never gone there. It was none of my business anyway.")
Lucindra's eyes were filled with curiosity as she looked at him. Her vision blurred for a moment, causing his predominately green body to look like a giant cucumber. Blinking, he slowly came back into focus, and she noticed the way he was staring at her. His eyes were dark, as if they held a dangerous secret. "So, what is it, homeshell? I hate to rush you, but I gotta book it for work."
"This." He held out his hand, showing her the necklace she'd given him.
"It's yours now, remember?" Lucindra shrugged. "Don't tell me you came all this way just to give it back."
"Why?"
"Huh?"
"Why did you give it to me?"
Lucindra thought for a moment. "It's always brought me luck, and I thought you could use some. I mean, with those bugged out ninjas on your tail--" She stopped upbruptly, noticing that fire in his eyes. "Raff? That's not really why you came here, is it?"
Raphael closed his hand around the necklace and shoved it into his coat pocket. "No."
"What is it? Is something wrong? Why are you buggin'?"
"I...I was worried about you." he said quickly. "I knew you were having trouble with your brother, and with the Foot after us and everything...well, I just wanted to make sure you were safe."
She gave him an incredulous look. "Raff, check it, kay? I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl."
"I know, I just...that poison really knocked you out, and--"
("I knew that look in Raph's eyes.") Michaelangelo explained. ("There was something he was trying to hide...a secret, something he was too ashamed to voice.")
"Raff, just spill it, kay?"
He stared at her for a moment, as if gathering his courage and then said simply, "Reconsider."
"Reconsider?"
"Join us, Lucindra."
"Oh Raff, I told you--"
"You have skills we could really use." Raph went on, almost pleadingly. "We need you...I-- need you..."
She stared curiously into his eyes. Had he just said what she thought he'd said? Yes, he had, but of course he hadn't meant it that way.
"I know what you mean." she said softly.
He stared at her in skeptical anticipation. "You do?"
"Yeah...check it, you're the only one who seems to really understand me. We're alike on a lot of levels. We fight great together. Your moves keep me on my toes, and really let me get out my aggression. It's a great release, ya know?"
He took a step toward her. "So...you feel it too?"
"Well, yeah. Sparring with you is rill dope."
"I knew it." he said softly. "I knew it wasn't just me."
As he moved toward her, he faded out of focus again, and a waft of dizzyness overtook her. Lightheaded, she sank down onto the bed. For a moment, she was in another world, totally oblivious to what was happening around her. Her head was throbbing, and her shoulders and neck felt like they were on fire. Disoriented and uncomfortable, she tilted her head and began to knead her sore neck muscles.
Raphael sensed her discomfort. "You in pain?"
"Aw, it's nothing...just a little sore from scrapping with those wacked out ninjas."
"Here," he said gently, kneeling on the bed next to her. "Let me help."
"Raff, what are you--"
He moved behind her and laid his hands as gently on her shoulders as he could, his fingers barely touching the silky material. He sucked in a nervous breath. He was only fifteen years old. He'd never even touched a woman before, except for April, and that was only to grab her hand and lead her somewhere, or to wake her up in an emergency. As she glanced back at him quizzically, he found himself suddenly mezmerized. Her eyes narrowed in incertainty, and he gave her a little half smile for reassurance.
"Master Splinter taught us a little shiatsu massage, although I can't quite do it right, seeing as we don't have a futon and a lot of time."
"Raff, I'll be fine. I really don't need--"
"Shhh..." He allowed his hands to rest firmly on her shoulders, absorbing the warmth from beneath the robe. Swallowing, he slowly pressed his fingers into the base of her neck and began to knead the knotted muscles.
She lowered her chin and stared down at her hands, stretching the tendons in her neck as he worked. She really didn't have time for this, but what did it matter now? She'd missed almost her entire shift. She would have to make up the time this weekend anyway. Besides, she really was in pain, and Raphael seemed to know what he was doing. As his fingers pressed into her skin, she could already feel herself relaxing.
He brushed his fingers upward, along the back of her neck, noticing how the muscles tightened and hardened beneath his touch.
"Wow..." he said quietly. "You're tense."
She closed her eyes and could feel his ragged breath on the back of her neck. The warmth it provided was somehow reassuring. It reminded her of the many times they'd sparred, and she'd knocked him to the ground, breathing heavily in exhuastion and frustration.
"Don't forget to breathe." He said in a low voice as he moved his hands to her shoulders again. "Breathe slowly, try to clear your mind."
Lucindra kept her eyes shut and took in a deep breath, concentrating on the pain in her body, on the relief Raphael was providing. There was something about the way he moved, gentle and fluid, almost rythmically, that made her wish she could sit here like this for days.
He pressed his hands firmly against the base of her shoulder blades, moving them slowly down her back. She kept her chin lowered and let out a pleased moan as the tension began to ease.
"Just forget about everything." he whispered, his breath warm and soothing on her ear. "Concentrate on the healing power."
Lucindra didn't respond. Inhaling deeply again, her thoughts drifted to a soothing blue lake. The water was smooth and motionless, and very inviting. She stood there for a moment, just staring at it, enjoying the feel of the soft green grass between her toes.
The tension in her body began to release until she was hardly aware of it at all. Slowly, she took a step toward the placid water, knowing that if she could only wade in its depths, the pain would fade away.
Donatello was astounded. Was he seeing her thoughts? "Chet, what is this? How--"
^^I AM ONLY RELAYING THE INFORMATION I HAVE BEEN PROVIDED WITH, DONATELLO^^
"But...how could Mike have possibly known...?"
^^THE DETAILS OF LUCINDRA'S THOUGHTS, ALTHOUGH VAGUE, ARE WRITTEN IN THE END OF THE
JOURNAL ENTRY. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FORWARD TO--^^
"No." Don said quickly, feeling a little guilty that he wasn't yet ready to move on. "I understand. Mike was always good at picking up on thought patterns when he really tried. He probably got a glimpse of what she was seeing and just sort of made the rest up."
He glanced toward Michaelangelo, at the curious wide eyes that were still peering through the window.
"Please, Chet. Continue."
The scene started up again.
Raphael could feel Lucindra's body growing limp beneath his hands. It seemed as though she was deep in thought, almost oblivious to what he was doing. He moved closer to her, his chest plate brushing lightly against her back. He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered into her ear.
"Does that feel good?"
The gentle breeze was warm and reassuring. It blew past her as she walked, tangling her hair. She moaned in response. The fresh air was indeed soothing.
Raphael rolled his hands up her back, kneading the muscles before sliding his fingers back down again. Her body continued to relax under his caress. Her responsiveness intrigued him. He'd never touched a woman so intimately before, and she seemed to be enjoying it.
Encouraged, he applied pressure to her lower back, his hands moving with slow precision. Lucindra was lost in the healing feel of his touch. She was a million miles away, in a world all her own.
As his rough, reptilian fingers slid over the smoothness of her human skin, and the soft material of the silky robe, Raphael could feel the heat rising inside of him. He stared at her intently, shocked by the intensity of the feelings that were running through him. Something felt different. He wanted something...he wanted it bad. He stopped his hands for a moment, realizing they were trembling slightly. His heart was pounding. Why was this happening to him? It frightened him a little, yet he didn't want to stop. His breathing heavy, his groin aching, he tried to ignore it, and continued with the massage.
His hands went back up to her shoulders, and down her arms, moving with an aching slowness and precision, working each muscle until it completely relaxed.
She was sitting in the grass, her feet dangling in the lake. Tingles of pleasure prickled her skin as the water's warmth filled her. The breeze was growing stronger, but it too was warm, like the soothing heat of a person's breath.
Trying to control the peculiar intensity of these all too familiar feelings, Raphael ran his fingers very lightly up her arms again, and when he got up to her shoulders, he gripped them firmly, and began to knead them with the heels of his palms. She let out another moan of pleasure, and before he knew what he was doing, his mouth was touching the soft skin under her jaw.
He pulled up his head and glanced at her quickly. His heart was beating harder than ever before. She made no protest. Swallowing, he lowered his lips to her skin again, kissing it gently as the heat between his legs rose to an unbearable point. Gently, he ran his tongue over the flesh of her neck, his hands moving slowly over her shoulders. Although the tension in her body had faded, he could feel her beginning to respond, and he worried for an instant that she might disapprove.
On the contrary, still lost in a trance, she tilted her head to the side, inviting him to continue. Breathing raggedly, he dragged his lower lip down the newly exposed flesh, stopping only when he met with the fabric of her robe. He rose his eyes to stare at her, and could see she was still out of it. He was unsure if he should continue. She was still dazed from the effects of the poison, and he didn't want to force himself on her. Yet, it wasn't as if she was unconscious for pete's sake! She could have stopped him at any time. Deciding to trust his reasoning, he laid his hand at the base of her neck and gently brushed the material from her shoulder.
Eagerly, he lowered his face to the golden brown skin, taking in the fresh smell of her soap. The scent was oddly arousing, and his head began to fill with images of what she might look like under the robe.
He glanced at her face again, unsure whether he should be doing this. But something inside of him wouldn't allow him to stop. Noticing that she still made no objection, he kissed her gently on the shoulder. The firmness of the muscles aroused him all the more. Not wishing to wake her just yet from the relaxed state, he moved his hands down her spine again, rubbing her back lightly.
The intensity, the urge was building up in him ever stronger. A moan escaped him as he nuzzled her shoulder, nibbling it delicately. He ran a hand over her hair, entangling his fingers in it.
She pulled off her shirt and tossed it aside, ready to enter the water in only her underwear. As she took a few steps into its depths, the wind began to pick up, sending ripples across it's surface.
"Lucindra" Raphael whispered desperately.
She heard someone call her name. "Raphael?"
His mouth moved up her neck with quickening pace. He slid his hands down her sides, barely feeling the curve of her body under the robe as he gripped it in his fists. He found himself wanting to rip the material from her body, to touch what was beneath.
"Raphael..."
"Lucindra..." he breathed into her hair. "We need eachother. I know you feel it..."
She was starting to stir. He kissed her cheek and her neck, and he could feel her shiver.
The lake became animated around her. The ripples in the water were increasing, and small waves began to form on the surface. The heat began to intensify, yet it wasn't uncomfortable. Instead it was assuasive, almost soothing.
Raphael pulled the robe down a little bit further, exposing a small area of her back. His craving intensified as he kissed it.
The water was swirling and leaping all around her. She thought she would be swallowed whole, until she heard his voice again.
"Lucindra...I've been waiting for this for a long time."
Suddenly, the lake and the grass disappeared and only blackness remained. She sat motionless for a moment and let the dizzyness pass before opening her eyes. Consciousness was returning rapidly. She could feel his mouth on her, trailing across the back of her shoulder, his hands gripping her sides, searching.
It felt good, yet an alarm began to go off in her head. What was he doing? Swallowing, she tried to ignore the discomfort that was starting to rise in her.
"Raphael...what--"
"Shhh..." He continued to kiss her tenderly, his warm breath tousseling her hair.
She was fully awake now, and could see that Raphael had begun to undress her. She felt instantly embarassed and uneasy.
"Raff...wait." She pulled away from him, and rose from the bed, still slightly dizzy from the poison. She recovered her exposed skin with the robe, and turned to face him.
"What?" He stared at her blankly. "What's wrong?"
"Raff, I...can't."
"I don't understand."
For the first time since she'd met him, she felt uncomfortable and insecure in his presence.
"Lucindra..." That dark hint of guilt in his eyes as he stared at her made her uneasy. "I don't--did I do something wrong?"
She didn't know what to say. She didn't want this, she never had. Yet, it had felt so right, and that's what scared her. "I...no. It's me. I just...I think of you more like a homeboy than anything, Raff, and I don't--I just can't." She looked at him for a long moment, as if coming to a decision. "Jesus, Raff, you're just a kid."
Raphael sunk to his knees on the bed and stared up at her in silence. He was still breathing heavily, but most of the moment's intensity had already begun to fade.
In a flash of embarassment, Donatello realized that he too was having some difficulty catching his breath.
"But you said you felt it." he said softly. "I thought you wanted--"
"I don't." She said quickly. "I mean, I think maybe part of me did for a while, but then I realized..."
Raphael lowered his head and stared down at the soft red bedspread. He tried not to think about the dissapointment, the anger at himself that was rising inside.
"Raff?"
He didn't answer. He couldn't look at her. Guilt and shame and animosity wouldn't allow it.
"Raff, check it. You know you're important to me. We had some kickin' times. And you know we're on the same level. That's why I can't--"
Raphael kept his sight on the comforter and bit his lip. The shame and sadness in his eyes almost made Lucindra change her mind.
"Raff, my family needs me right now, and yours needs you. You're one happening turtle, kay? But I can't get involved right now. Raphael, I'm sorry, I--"
She moved toward him, but he rose from the bed quickly and turned away. "No" he mumbled. "No, you're right. I should have never--I mean, I'm a freak. I'm great for sparring with, but why would you ever--"
"Check it, Raff, it's not like that, and you know it."
"Yeah..." Deep down, he really did, but right now his hurt pride was the only thing that was real to him.
"You'll always be my homeshell, Raph." She gently laid a hand on his shoulder.
He turned to face her, but his eyes seemed to be looking through her rather than at her. "Goodbye, Lucindra." he said softly. "Until we next meet." But he knew he would probably never see her again.
Donatello watched, helpless as Raphael moved toward the window and stepped out into the warm night air. Michaelangelo was nowhere to be found, and that was probably lucky for him at the moment.
("I followed him all the way home.") Mike's voice echoed sadly. ("He never once looked back.")
As the image of his brother slowly made its way back to the lair, Donatello couldn't help but feel badly for him. It was one of the few times he'd ever seen Raphael so openly wounded.
("I thought I should tell Splinter or maybe Leonardo, but I decided that it was none of my business. Raphael needed to deal with this on his own, and it wouldn't be fair to invade his privacy. I had done enough of that already.")
Fresh tears on Raphael's green cheek, and a hand closing over a small round medallion were the last things Donatello saw before the scene faded to blackness.
The rest of the dialogue, action and plot, along with the ideas for this story were created by and are copyright of Dawn M. Coll, 1999.
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, above mentioned comics, and all characters depicted are © of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, 1984. Lucindra is © of Rick Arthur.
The dialogue between the characters and most of the events depicted in the "wrench" scene and the Raph/Leo fight scene were taken from Mirage Studios' "Raphael Special #1" and the "Return to New York" series, respectively.
Flashback dialogue between Donatello and Raphael, and Leonardo and Raphael in the Lucindra scenes was taken from Mirage's Issue #44, written by Rick Arthur, and the brief recap told by Donatello was created by events that were also taken from that issue. Raphael's first meeting with Lucindra and the aftermath of her leaving the lair are solely my ideas, and I do not claim that either of these scenes were intended or thought up by Rick Arthur.
