I couldn't endure it any longer--the sympathetic look in his eyes, the pain and fear that held me so strongly. It was all so overwhelming, and I broke into tears, unable to tame the grief that had been building up inside for so long.
Splinter wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. I laid my forehead against the slick fur of his shoulder, not even caring about the sweat or the intense heat of his body from the workout. I cried uninhibited while he sat there silently, holding me gently, and stroking my hair. I felt like an idiot exploding like this in front of Splinter. I'd never let anyone see me this vulnerable before. I lifted my head and quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks, avoiding his gaze.
"I'm sorry." I said miserably. "I don't know what came over me. I'm usually not this pathetic."
He smiled at me kindly, and squeezed my hand. "I do not think allowing yourself to feel to be pathetic. You must grant yourself time to grieve. If you do not--if you keep it locked inside, it will continue to build and you will feel worse than when it began."
"Yeah...I guess you're right."
"Expressing our emotions and allowing ourselves to feel is what makes us human, Holly. You are very strong. You will get through this eventually. Until then, know that I and my sons are here whenever you need us."
I couldn't help but smile now. "Thanks, Splinter. That really means a lot to me." How did he do that? He always had a way of making me feel better.
"When I was young, I too, had my share of experiences that made me afraid and angry. Some of those things I had no control over. I couldn't have prevented them had I tried. Still, I allowed my anger to fester, keeping it locked deep inside. When my master died at Saki's hand, that anger finally began to surface, and I almost lost control. I am ashamed to admit that I took that anger out on my sons."
I was speechless. Splinter, lose control? But he was so calm and gentle and caring. I couldn't even imagine him that upset. Then I remembered the way he'd fought Curtis in the elevator. I remembered the fire in his eyes and the raw untamed energy.
"I am sure they were too young then to remember those times I lost my patience. I can only be thankful that I learned to channel my anger in other ways, instead of holding in my true emotions."
"Like Raphael...?"
"Yes. He seems to think that I am too hard on him, but I only use my authority so harshly because I love him and I care about what happens to him. He is like my younger self in more ways than he realizes. He must learn to control his temper, or one day it will consume him as well."
"Raph can be pretty intense at times." I said softly.
Splinter gave me a concerned look. "Has he caused you any trouble?"
I quickly shook my head. "No. We've had a couple unfortunate mishaps, but everything's okay now. Deep down, he's a good guy. He just takes some getting used to."
Splinter nodded and smiled. "That he does."
I allowed curiosity to get the best of me, and asked the question that had been burning in my mind for over a week now. "Michaelangelo told me that you and Raphael got into a fight before you were captured..."
Splinter lowered his head, a look of shame crossing his features. "Yes."
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked..."
"No, it is all right. It will do me good to speak of it."
I waited patiently as he gathered his thoughts, his fingers clenching and unclenching. He closed his eyes and drew in a breath.
"I get so frustrated sometimes." He began softly. "Raphael chooses to live his life quite dangerously, and gets into trouble on occasion. He is a rebel, and it worries me. That particular night, I confronted him about his actions, and he exploded at me. His outbreak was uncalled for. I told him I would not stand to be yelled at in such a manner when I had come to him calmly to talk things out. We proceeded to argue, and I said some things I shouldn't have. I...I was so ashamed and enraged that I fled for a time to clear my head. I thought the fresh air would do me some good, so I journeyed above. However, as you know, my anger caused me to lose my freedom. I was not sure if I would ever see my sons again."
A long, agonizing moment of silence ensued. I wasn't sure what to say. Splinter had just opened himself up to me and revealed his biggest weakness, and while I felt extremely honored to be held in such high confidence, I felt a little overwhelmed as well.
"I'm sorry." I said at last. "I guess we have something in common."
Splinter cocked his head, thinking for a moment. Slowly, a smile spread across his face. "Yes." He agreed. "I suppose we do."